I don't know of any windows mailservers 
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80% of people think I should be in a Mental Institute
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exchange is fine if set up right. ideally only on a lan with another box doing filtering between it and the internet.
as far as other software goes, try Mercury Mail for windows. made by the people who did pmail (pegasus mail... the memories it brings back)..."And yet, after spending 20+ years trying to evolve the user interface into something better, what's the most powerful improvement Apple was able to make? They finally put a god damned shell back in." -jwz
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At the moment I'm using postfix on my boxes, and I can confirm that it's very easy to configure.
I also like the profound documentation
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