Something my girlfriend sent me...
Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may
freeze at any time. Melts when ever treated properly. Very bitter if
mishandled.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when
left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly
green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
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Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/-50)
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure
sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as
easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get.
Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when
mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize
by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are
able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.
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