expensive tiles (not for kiddie winkies)

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  • Agent31
    MURCer
    • Aug 1999
    • 775

    #1

    expensive tiles (not for kiddie winkies)

    An Australian woman was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, her legs slid out, she did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

    She yelled out for her husband Jacko.

    "Jacko! Jacko!" she yelled. Jacko came running in.

    "Jacko, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said.

    "Strewth!" Jacko said and tried to pull her up. "You're just too heavy girl. I'll go across the road and get Bluey" (his mate).

    They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way. We can't do it" Bluey said "Lets try Plan C"

    "Plan C?" exclaimed Jacko. "What's that"?

    "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her"

    "Spot on" Jacko said. "While your doing that, I'll stay here and play with her t*ts"

    "Play with her t*ts"? Bluey said, "Why the hell would you want to do that"?

    Jacko replied "Well, I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive"
    Look, I know you think the world of me, that's understandable, you're only human, but it's not nice to call somebody "Vain"!
  • Marshmallowman
    Super MURCer
    • Sep 1999
    • 3416

    #2
    and your a censor
    Last edited by Marshmallowman; 20 August 2002, 02:11.

    Comment

    • thop
      Super MURCer
      • Mar 2001
      • 2536

      #3
      @MMM: LOL
      no matrox, no matroxusers.

      Comment

      • Agent31
        MURCer
        • Aug 1999
        • 775

        #4
        lol, only of Lizzie's Avatars
        Look, I know you think the world of me, that's understandable, you're only human, but it's not nice to call somebody "Vain"!

        Comment

        • thop
          Super MURCer
          • Mar 2001
          • 2536

          #5
          so we can expect bright days ahead then i guess
          no matrox, no matroxusers.

          Comment

          • Gurm
            MS Fanboy
            • Aug 1999
            • 11460

            #6
            Reminds me of a "grosser than gross" joke from my childhood:

            Q. What's grosser than gross?
            A. When a gymnast does a split and sticks to the floor.

            Q. What's grosser than that?
            A. Prying her up with a crowbar!

            - Gurm
            The Internet - where men are men, women are men, and teenage girls are FBI agents!

            I'm the least you could do
            If only life were as easy as you
            I'm the least you could do, oh yeah
            If only life were as easy as you
            I would still get screwed

            Comment

            • SpiralDragon
              Super MURCer
              • May 2002
              • 3548

              #7
              lol.... i ve got a few of those but the tyranslation to english would just loos the meening...
              "They say that dreams are real only as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same thing about life?"

              Comment

              • ZokesPro
                Serial Murcerer
                • Sep 2000
                • 8325

                #8
                I've never heard a joke like that before!
                Titanium is the new bling!
                (you heard from me first!)

                Comment

                • Liriel
                  mini MURCer
                  • Oct 2000
                  • 16

                  #9
                  Q. What's grosser than gross?
                  A. Taking a dump in the freezer.

                  Q. What's grosser than that?
                  A. Giving your little brother a fudge-icle.

                  - Gurm

                  P.S. This identity crisis is getting old. PLUS, I'll never make it to 4000 posts at this rate.
                  Gurm's better half.

                  Comment

                  • Greebe
                    Super MURCer
                    • Aug 1999
                    • 8555

                    #10
                    One from my childhood that I can't remember how it goes exactly anymore, but none the less funny (sick)

                    Boy A tries to gross out Boy B&C by wiping a green bugger on the wall... only to be topped by Boy B who wipes a bloody green bugger on the wall... only to be outclassed by Boy C who eats them.
                    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss

                    "Always do good. It will gratify some and astonish the rest." ~Mark Twain

                    Comment

                    • Fat Tone
                      Super MURCer
                      • Aug 1999
                      • 7579

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Liriel
                      Q. What's grosser than gross?
                      A. Taking a dump in the freezer.
                      That reminds me of a story I was told by someone claiming to be involved:

                      Some male & female students shared a kitchen in a University Halls of Residence. There was some agro between them, so they boys plotted revenge on the girls: They took the girls tub of margarine, removed the contents, 'curled one out' near the bottom of the tub, and replaced the margarine on top. GROSS!!!
                      It was several days before the turd was discovered. The story teller didn't admit to any cases of dystentry!

                      T.
                      FT.

                      Comment

                      • GNEP
                        Super MURCer
                        • Feb 2002
                        • 5241

                        #12
                        Greebe - I would have been boy C!
                        DM says: Crunch with Matrox Users@ClimatePrediction.net

                        Comment

                        • KRSESQ
                          Super MURCer
                          • Feb 2000
                          • 3224

                          #13
                          I heard the ultimate definition of gross years ago...

                          Not sure I dare post it though!

                          Kevin

                          Comment

                          • Wombat
                            Super MURCer
                            • Aug 2000
                            • 9498

                            #14
                            What's gross: 10 babies in a trashcan.
                            What's grosser: 1 baby in 10 trashcans.
                            Gigabyte P35-DS3L with a Q6600, 2GB Kingston HyperX (after *3* bad pairs of Crucial Ballistix 1066), Galaxy 8800GT 512MB, SB X-Fi, some drives, and a Dell 2005fpw. Running WinXP.

                            Comment

                            • KRSESQ
                              Super MURCer
                              • Feb 2000
                              • 3224

                              #15
                              Okay, here goes...






                              get the kiddies out of the room...






                              wife not looking?






                              Gross is being 44th in line for a gang-bang and getting up there and finding out its your sister, and going ahead and doing it anyway.
                              When you're done you say "gee, that was even better than mom." And she says "I know, that's what dad said."

                              Sorry.

                              Kevin

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