Helpdesk.....

[bibble]

We have been trying to think up names for dumb users which are not offensive so far we have...


Computer User Non Technical (thinly disguised)
Computer User Needs Training (better but still bad)

any ideas?

We had a classic in training the other day:

User: Its very good (referring to 3 months of work on a web search and reporting tool) bu we really need to be able to search by National Insurance number (SSI in US I think).
Helpdesk: Yes but we dont hold this in the database
User: Thats ok I have them all written on bits of paper
Helpdesk: ugh....

[Brian Ellis]

Fine Users Could Know

[Jammrock]

I'm sorry sir, you have what we refer to as a PLICK error.

Problem
Lies
Inbetween
Chair and
Keyboard

Jammrock

[Brian Ellis]

Wouldn't it be easier to say, you're a PRICK, Sir, Problem Rests....

Some Have Intelligence and Talent Shortfall

[Tempest]

Initiate the Professional Employee Systems Training programme.

There, one can gain a Degree In Modern Windows Information Technology. Those showing apparent technical skills will gain a title of Master Of Recent Office Networking.

[RibsteakRon]

Disasters
Usually
Motivate
Backups

[bibble]

thanks you guys - this has cheered me up immensley. Sometimes I feel we should get rid of the users bu then I would have no job (not much fun - not good as I have just had my temporary contract made permanent; good for the uk ).

[SpiralDragon]

heh... reminds me of the "cup holder" incident

computing rule number 6. a dumy behind a computer is wors than a virus.... always been my favorit when telling someone what the problem is.... including my boss....

me: well we have a clear indication of computing rule number 6 here mam...

boss: whats that...

i tell her... next thing my coleegs in the office see me running like hell .... its a good thing that the boss has a sence of humer and cant despence of me due to her excesive relience on me.... this is a bad thing becuse i cant come up with any excuse for wanting to quite.. she always has a way to convince me otherwise..

boss: i know i am a bitch... but i am not that horible... how am i going to find someone to replace you... and who would be willing to work for me any way ......

god if she wasnt so old i would tell her what she can do... but i have to mutch respect for her....

why i am i ranting...... arg.... never mind....

[Fat Tone]

All dumb users need Special High Intensity Training...

TO: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Special High Intensity Training
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees welltrained through our progrom of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to Eployee Attitude Training (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List. (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director Of Intensity Programming (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).


Thank you,
Boss In General, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

[M|x]

exquisite

[Chrono_Wanderer]

hahahja Fat Tone good one!

[DukeP]

GREAT one.
Theres truly magic in that man.



~~DukeP~~

[SpiralDragon]

LMAO ... better send this one to the boss

[bibble]

I always like to post at night and see the gems of the morning. Funnily enough I was going to mention my training for the year coming and was going to ask to go on more Oracle training but S.H.I.T. in something useless is more likely. My fave is Boss In General training.

[The PIT]

Guess what I'm doing this morning.