New benchmark program

[cbman]

Its called suxmark.. its a new revolutionary benchmark that instead of giving you a performance feature just tells you how much your computer sucks compared to a randomly picked machine that doesn't even exist...

Marximum PC calls it *A revolutionary way to pop your inflated ego*

ZenDNet's Joan C Davorak calls it *A way to make you feel inadequate after you have blown your load (and your wallet) on that top of the line computer*

I went inside with Benchmark creator "Tommy" who first got the idea while watching his dad rant and rave and post his awesome scores on forums while shoving it in his friends face... says Tommy "I wanted to kill my dad's ego and possibly him as well... a heart attack could make me a rich 13 year old"

The technology is highly secret but we have the inside scoop from Hax0r "Cartman" from hardOPP... -This program uses system calls to randomly generate a system score in the range of 5 -> 20% higher than the one your system gets... and it will compare it to what looks like a system that is similar... it does this by using the info utility SiSoft to get all the information about your computer and then it randomly changes a few things to items in its database that are equivilant.. but by a different company... (changeable items are sound, video, hard drive, and monitor)

Overall I have to applaude Tommy because this BM is just what the people needed to force them to think their system is inadequate compared to the status quo and get them purchasing new hardware... this program alone has been shown to be responsible for the new upswing in the technology sector of the market... *clipped from the New York Timez*

LOL

Man.. I have too much spare time on my hands... and way too much imagination.. LOL

Gimme another beer!!!!!!!!!

LOL

If you aren't lauging yet you should see me wear my apron baking cookies... LOL

All them sperm and I won the race.. how the hell did I pull that one off... LOL

Where was this going... ... ... I thought so... LOL... follow if you can....

So anyways.. tune in next week as we have a major coverage of a shocking yet sad story...

The Phill Gate Scandel... How he milked the tech industry (as well as his secretary) while writing the code for DOS... which actually stands for (D)own (O)n (S)nakey

Catch it exclusively on CNNN...

Oh yeah.. and I almost fogot... eat wheaties... they are great (everyone of you who buys wheaties puts 5 cents into my pocket.. just be sure to mention my sig to the cashier at the checkout... LOL)

hahaha

Ok.. thats enough comedy relief from me for now... *grin*

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Hang Low and Limber

[cbman]

Damn... I wonder if people are even looking at this... *frown*... oh well... it was fun to write.

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Hang Low and Limber

[Marshmallowman]

hmmm...and your suxmark is.....


;-)

[cbman]

1345.. which is 16% slower than a comparible system.. I think I am going to get a faster processor.. maybe that will help..

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Hang Low and Limber

[This message has been edited by cbman (edited 30 March 2001).]

[Indiana]

Damn, I only got 3100 SuxMarks and I just saw that I should be getting about 3700?
What the heck is wrong with my system???

[cbman]

I emailed the maker of the program and he blames your low score on crappy hardware... his recommendation is to goto his online store and buy some guarenteed top of the line hardware to improve performance... it also comes with SUXMARK PRO... but you have to buy at least $500 worth of stuff first



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Hang Low and Limber

[cbman]

And for those of you who want to know about suxmark pro...

It installs on your machine with the new hardware and when you benchmark with it for the first two weeks it will give you a score that is 5 to 10% above the reference system... after that is delete's itself and reinstall's SUXMARK standard... LOL



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Hang Low and Limber