OT: Fun Thread of da week.

[GinoCyber]

1 - A scientist was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week". The scientist took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess and I'll stay with
you and do anything you want". Again the scientist took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? I've told you I'm really a beautiful
princess! I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The scientist said, "Look I'm a scientist. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog ... now that's cool".

An architect, an artist and a scientist were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there. The scientist said, "I like both". "Both ?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
plant and get some work done".

3 - To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the scientist, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

4 - Two students who were studying to be scientists were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike ?" The second scientist replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
'Take what you want'". The second scientist nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".

Ciao

[DrMordrid]

Understanding Engineers - Take One

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week". The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess and I'll stay with you and do anything you want". Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked; "What is the matter with you? I've told you I'm really a beautiful princess! I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog ... now that's cool".

Dr. Mordrid

[DrMordrid]

A Federal Government employee sits in his office and, out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This would look nice on my mantelpiece," he thinks, so he takes it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. He tells the genie: "I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!"

POOF! A Pepsi appears before him on his desk, so he picks it up and guzzles it all at once.

Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish to the genie: "I wish to be on an island where only beautiful women reside."

POOF! Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully.

He then tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again."

POOF! He's back in his office.

Dr. Mordrid


[This message has been edited by DrMordrid (edited 10-01-1999).]

[Brian Ellis]

A guy was walking along a beach and finds the same lamp that the Federal Employee had thrown away. He rubbed it up and the genie said, "I'm a little tired today: that guy who wanted to go to an island with great girls and then back to his office was obese and it was a great effort. I've only got enough energy to grant you one wish." The guy thought for a minute and said, "I've always wanted to visit Hawaii, but I get terribly seasick on boats and I'm scared stiff of flying. Build me a bridge to Hawaii, so that I can motor there." The genie replied, "Are you crazy, man? Firstly, I'm not a civil engineer and it's thousands of kilometres. No-one has ever built a bridge even one-tenth as long. Sorry, take a different wish." After a minute, the reply came "I've had three wives and any number of girl friends, but they have always been a problem. I wish I could understand women." The genie turned from a misty white to a bright magenta and then to green and slowly returned to white and then said, "Do you want your bridge two or four lanes?"


------------------
Brian (the terrible)



[This message has been edited by Brian Ellis (edited 10-01-1999).]

[evil twin]

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies,
and decides to give them a few basics before starting.
"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation:

I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."-

--------------------------------------------
A blonde decides to try riding horseback,
even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse
immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse and tries to throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup
and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head strikes the ground over and over again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when --fortunately the Wal-Mart manager sees her and shuts off the horse.

i sure hope swamplady isn't blond-

evil


[This message has been edited by evil twin (edited 10-01-1999).]