Tweet
The way things really work!
There has been some confusion on the b-boards lately as to how thing actually work in the computer world. This will hopefully straighten things out.
CPU: You've all seen the pictures of those microscopic traces and transistors taken with the electron microscopes that say "bill sux". All lies! Those are doctored images made by 'The Organization'. CPU's are really made up of rows and rows tiny mathematicians from Zeeb Nark 19! 'The Organization' raises these mathematicians from birth to do mathematics at an inhuman rate. The information is passed inbetween acountants by their Gleeb-a-guk counterparts, the Guk Runners.
Motherboards: Our good friends, the Guk Runners, return to us here. They take the information from the "CPU" and other "peripherals" and run it around the "paths" on the motherboard. The Guk Runners course is directed by the psychic beings from Fizzion, commonly called Mind Benders. Mind Benders can also implant data into the Guk Runner tiny minds to cut on paper costs, that other Mind Benders then read.
Video System: The video card is one of the more complex parts of the entire system. You start with the Polonian artists of, you guessed it, Polygon (where do you think they got the name from). There are 2 varieties of Polonian artists, the flat works and the game works. The flat works make the 2D components and the game works do the 3D art. This data is shipped to the monitor via Banshees. It has yet to be discovered where the Banshees come from, but they yell the RGB data to 3 sharp shooters from Targetia, who shoot the electrons to create the image on the screen.
Sound Card: The great singers of Faylon 4 have been chosen for this great task. The musicians come from Griegandia and together they create the necessary music for your computer.
Networks: Networks consist of primarily Banshees, but the Guk Runners do some work. Banshees in a NIC yell the data across the hollow (for them at least, they are a really small race) data lines to the Banshees in the switches, hubs and routers. Why do you think there are limits to the length of network cabling? A Banshee can only yell so loud before the human ear hears it and gives the whole thing away. Switches and routers have a few Mind Benders in them, but not much, as they are rather high mantainance.
Hard drives: On the platters of hard drives sit the great minds of Ruston. The Rustonians can remember anything for an unpresidented amount of time. When the "Read/Write head" comes by with the Mind Benders onboard, the Mind Benders either take or add data into the minds of the Rustonians. The data is then transfered back and forth by the Guk Runners.
RAM: Doesn't really exist. All RAM does is store the tired workers inside your computer. The more RAM you have, the more workers you can store, the faster things work.
CD/DVD-ROM: The CD/DVD system is one of the sneakiest there is. The pits and grooves are all a scam, what matters is how good the eye site of the Optigons are. Optigons read the information from a CD/DVD, the data is striped from their minds by a Mind Bender and transfered on by a Guk Runner. The laser is just there so they can drive up costs and make the whole device look "scientific".
Power: All these workers need to sustinance, and 'The Organization' has developed a devious scheme to do it. The Power Supply is nothing more than a Juff-o-wup condensor. Juff-o-wup, for those who do not follow 'The Organiztions' plots, is the life force of the universe. All are part of Juff-o-wup, and Juff-o-wup is in all. No electrical energy is actually used by the "computer", that power used is just so the power companies don't get mad. Juff-o-miners take the Juff-o-wup and give it to Guk Runners, who distribute the Juff-o-wup to hungry workers in RAM.
You may now be wondering, "Why does 'The Organization' go through all this hassle?" The answer is simple: cows! Cows on the homeworld of 'The Organization' (yet to be discovered) eat silicon, aluminium, germanium and copper, but their natural supplies have run out. They gather the slave workers I described and force them to do their will, or they will destroy their homeworlds by smothering them with cheese and french salad dressing. The raw materials that all the electronics companies get are used only partially (to prevent discovery) and the rest are sent to 'The Organizations' homeworld.
There you have it, how it all really works. Freedom to the people!
Jammrock - who is in a rather silly mood today. I knew I should have gone to bed early instead of watching Gundam Wing W Uncut on the Cartoon Network, then maybe the monsters wouldn't have kidnapped me again.
[This message has been edited by Jammrock (edited 07 March 2000).]
CPU: You've all seen the pictures of those microscopic traces and transistors taken with the electron microscopes that say "bill sux". All lies! Those are doctored images made by 'The Organization'. CPU's are really made up of rows and rows tiny mathematicians from Zeeb Nark 19! 'The Organization' raises these mathematicians from birth to do mathematics at an inhuman rate. The information is passed inbetween acountants by their Gleeb-a-guk counterparts, the Guk Runners.
Motherboards: Our good friends, the Guk Runners, return to us here. They take the information from the "CPU" and other "peripherals" and run it around the "paths" on the motherboard. The Guk Runners course is directed by the psychic beings from Fizzion, commonly called Mind Benders. Mind Benders can also implant data into the Guk Runner tiny minds to cut on paper costs, that other Mind Benders then read.
Video System: The video card is one of the more complex parts of the entire system. You start with the Polonian artists of, you guessed it, Polygon (where do you think they got the name from). There are 2 varieties of Polonian artists, the flat works and the game works. The flat works make the 2D components and the game works do the 3D art. This data is shipped to the monitor via Banshees. It has yet to be discovered where the Banshees come from, but they yell the RGB data to 3 sharp shooters from Targetia, who shoot the electrons to create the image on the screen.
Sound Card: The great singers of Faylon 4 have been chosen for this great task. The musicians come from Griegandia and together they create the necessary music for your computer.
Networks: Networks consist of primarily Banshees, but the Guk Runners do some work. Banshees in a NIC yell the data across the hollow (for them at least, they are a really small race) data lines to the Banshees in the switches, hubs and routers. Why do you think there are limits to the length of network cabling? A Banshee can only yell so loud before the human ear hears it and gives the whole thing away. Switches and routers have a few Mind Benders in them, but not much, as they are rather high mantainance.
Hard drives: On the platters of hard drives sit the great minds of Ruston. The Rustonians can remember anything for an unpresidented amount of time. When the "Read/Write head" comes by with the Mind Benders onboard, the Mind Benders either take or add data into the minds of the Rustonians. The data is then transfered back and forth by the Guk Runners.
RAM: Doesn't really exist. All RAM does is store the tired workers inside your computer. The more RAM you have, the more workers you can store, the faster things work.
CD/DVD-ROM: The CD/DVD system is one of the sneakiest there is. The pits and grooves are all a scam, what matters is how good the eye site of the Optigons are. Optigons read the information from a CD/DVD, the data is striped from their minds by a Mind Bender and transfered on by a Guk Runner. The laser is just there so they can drive up costs and make the whole device look "scientific".
Power: All these workers need to sustinance, and 'The Organization' has developed a devious scheme to do it. The Power Supply is nothing more than a Juff-o-wup condensor. Juff-o-wup, for those who do not follow 'The Organiztions' plots, is the life force of the universe. All are part of Juff-o-wup, and Juff-o-wup is in all. No electrical energy is actually used by the "computer", that power used is just so the power companies don't get mad. Juff-o-miners take the Juff-o-wup and give it to Guk Runners, who distribute the Juff-o-wup to hungry workers in RAM.
You may now be wondering, "Why does 'The Organization' go through all this hassle?" The answer is simple: cows! Cows on the homeworld of 'The Organization' (yet to be discovered) eat silicon, aluminium, germanium and copper, but their natural supplies have run out. They gather the slave workers I described and force them to do their will, or they will destroy their homeworlds by smothering them with cheese and french salad dressing. The raw materials that all the electronics companies get are used only partially (to prevent discovery) and the rest are sent to 'The Organizations' homeworld.
There you have it, how it all really works. Freedom to the people!
Jammrock - who is in a rather silly mood today. I knew I should have gone to bed early instead of watching Gundam Wing W Uncut on the Cartoon Network, then maybe the monsters wouldn't have kidnapped me again.
[This message has been edited by Jammrock (edited 07 March 2000).]
I'll take two of whatever he had!!!
Comment