Virus Alert!!!!!

[Joel]

The Lewinsky Virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then E-mails everyone about what it did.

The Ronald Reagan Virus: Saves your data but forgets where it is stored.

The Mike Tyson Virus: Quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 300MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB then slowly expands to 200MB.

The Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus: Deletes all old and damaged files.

The Titanic Virus: Your whole computer goes down.

The Disney Virus: Everything in your computer goes Goofy.

The Prozac Virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

The Joey Buttafuoco Virus: Only attacks minor files.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates zome viles then leaves, but it vill be baaack.

The Lorena Bobbit Virus: Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy then discards it through Windows.

The Viagra Virus: Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.


Joel

[HollyBerri]

ROFL, Joel!


--------------------
the once and future motub

[cnyb]

OK, you've all seen just about every stupid "virus warning" out here.
Don't delete this! Keep reading!
This is just in: NEW VIRUS WARNING

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately
WITHOUT reading it.
This is the most dangerous E-mail virus yet.

It will completely re-write your hard drive.
Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.
It also demagnetizes the strips on all your credit cards, reprograms your ATM
access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts
and your milk curdles.
It will give your ex-boy/girl friend your new phone number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your soda and leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are
expecting company.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car
radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

When executed "Badtimes" will also give you nightmares about circus midgets.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.

"Badtimes" will give you Dutch Elm disease and brown patch.

If the "Badtimes" mail message is opened in a Windows 95 environment it will
leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close
to a full bathtub.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it
will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.

It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs.
Be afraid. Be very, very afraid...

[Joel]

This is a test.

Joel

[KvHagedorn]

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