Application to go on the Jerry Springer Show

[Paddy]

I didn't know that Stompy!

[SCompRacer]

Prepositions are not as fun as propositions though.

[Paddy]

I dont have much experience with that either

[ALBPM]

Here's another


Redneck Test of Membership

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this"

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Later Y'all

[ALBPM]

YOU MIGHT BE A HIGH-TECH REDNECK IF...

1. Your e-mailaddresendsin"@over.yonder.com."

2. You connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page."

3. If the bumper sticker on your truck says, "My other computer is a laptop."

4. Your laptop has a sticker that says, "Protected by Smith and Wesson."

5. You've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

6. Your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.

7. You wire your network with jumper cables.

8. Your wife said either she or the computer had to go, and you still don't miss her.

9. You've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your drink on.

10. You ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy."

11. Three Words: Daisy Duke Screensaver

12. You start all your e-mails with the words, "Howdy y'all."

13. Your spell checker knows words like, "Y'all", "Yonder", and "Reckon."

14. Your cars sit in the yard because your garage is full of dead CPUs, printers, modems and monitors.

15. Your belt buckle is made from a dead 3.5" hard drive.

16. You ever felt you had to move your computer desk so it didn't block the velvet picture of Elvis.

17. Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan.

18. Smith & Wesson...the original point N click interface.

19. When you're friends comment on your "nice boots" and you say, "Yea, thanks. Its my spiffy, new Phoenix BIOS."

20. When your wife catches you again with your "Farm Animals of the Orient" CD-ROM.

21. When you order your new pick-up truck with a gunrack and PCMCIA sockets.

22. Your PC Games collection consists of nothing but Bass Fishing tournament games.

23. You only buy from Gateway, 'cause the cow-colored boxes are a hoot.

Paul

[ALBPM]

Here's another classic

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three 3 wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees
never do read the Bible!"

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

Paul

[Paddy]

oh no, what have i started!

[ALBPM]

YEEEHAAAWWWW!!! Just got in my new "RealTree" camo keyboard Y'all

Paul Bob

[Jorden]

Pat, next time you find something useless on the internet, leave it there

Paul-Bobby, what's a "RealTree" camo KB?

Jord.
----------------
confused at either T minus 16 or T minus 15

[This message has been edited by Jorden (edited 26 May 2000).]

[ALBPM]

That's Paul-Bob!!!

Here's what REALTREE Camo looks like



Or a must have is a hat with REALTREE pattern on it.



The ultimate would be to have a mouse shaped like a Skoal or Copenhagen can.


Paul-Bob aka Darth_Bubba

[This message has been edited by ALBPM (edited 26 May 2000).]