Dirty Jokes! ;-)

[Gurm]

McRhea? I dunno. Was he one of the pedophilia-humor disenfranchised? I can't recall. (Sorry to be talking about you in the third person, McRhea...)

- Gurm

------------------
Listen up, you primitive screwheads! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Etc. etc.

[Brian R.]

"pedophilia-humor disenfranchised"

Give me a break. Sounds too politically correct for you Gurm.

[Gurm]

Err... no, I wasn't being politically correct. I may have misused "disenfranchised", though.

- Gurm

[Brian R.]

I haven't a clue

[Guru]

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says,
"Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings,
she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and
says, "Well,I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant -
about 4 months would be my guess."

The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left
alone with a man! Have you Darla?"

Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five
minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out
there doctor?"

The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything
like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came
over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

---------------------------------------------

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The
counselor asks the wife what is the problem. She responds, "My husband
suffers from premature ejaculation."

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is that true?"

The husband replies, "Well, not exactly. It's she that suffers, not me."

---------------------------------------------

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a
beer.

"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, "Yes."

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice
juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"Four cents," he replies.

"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."

---------------------------------------------

The old farmer was having a pretty bad year. All of his crops had been
lost. Fortunately, the peach orchard had done really well. The only way he
was going to make it financially was to cut out the middle man and sell the
peaches directly to the consumer. So he loaded his pickup with peaches and
headed to town.

Just on the outskirts of town he came to a house. He took a basket of
peaches and went up and knocked on the door. A gorgeous blond in a sheer
robe answered the door. In a sexy voice she said, "Hi, Honey, what can I do
for you?"

Quite shaken, the old farmer muttered, "I have these here really nice
peaches for sale."

The blond, noticing how shaken he was, decided to play a bit. So she
opened the top of her robe showing her breasts. She said, "Are those
peaches full and firm like these?"

Very shaken, he managed to whisper "Oh yes, they're really good peaches."

So she opened the rest of her robe, showing she had on no panties. She
teased, "Would they be succulent and delicious like this?"

The old farmer burst out crying and said, "Oh yes, they're wonderful
peaches!"

She said, "Well, honey, why on earth are you crying?"

The old farmer whimpered, "Lady, the cut worms ruined my tomato crop, and
the weevils ate all my cotton, and now I think you're gonna screw me out of
my peaches."

LOL
--------------------------------------------

The medics rushed Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night,
apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night
and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues.

After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and
says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you are completely well. You have
the heart function that you did when you were a fifteen-year-old lad. We're
going to send you home tomorrow. You don't have to worry about your heart;
do any physical exercise that you like."

Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his wife. "Doris,
you'll never believe it! I'm completely well. I have no worries with my
heart. Tonight, Darling, you and I are going to make love like you've never
had before - wild, passionate sex! You'll love it!"

Doris thinks for a minute and says, "I don't know, Sol. I've heard about
active sex and heart conditions. I don't want it to be on my conscience if
you die while we are making love. Maybe, just maybe, if your doctor wrote a
note to me saying that everything was okay, maybe I would have such sex
with you."

Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his doctor's office.
His doctor tells him, "Sure, sure, Sol, no problem, I'll write the note.
Let's see, here's my prescription pad: 'Mr. Sol Steinberg, a patient of
mine, has the heart function of a fifteen-year-old lad, and can have mad,
passionate, adventurous sex any time that he so desires, signed, Dr. Aaron
Katz.' Now, I'll just address this. By the way, Sol, what's your wife's
first name?"

"Uh, Doctor, could you just make that, 'To Whom It May Concern'?"

---------------------------------------------

A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their
room where, much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running
commentary on their lovemaking.

Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give
the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.

The next morning while packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a
large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try."
That didn't work.

Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get
on top and I'll try." There was still no success.

Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top and try."

At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said, "Zoo
or no zoo, this, I gotta see!"

---------------------------------------------

A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of
natural causes. In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later.

Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the
taxidermist and have them stuffed.

After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, "Do you want them
mounted?"

Blushing, she said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

---------------------------------------------

One day, a large group of people were waiting for the bus at a local
Greyhound station. At the front of the line was a very attractive woman
dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt, and
high heels.

As the bus pulled up and opened the door, she went to board it, but found
that her skirt was too tight for her to raise her leg to the required
height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches behind her and
unzips the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tries again.

Again, she finds that she cannot maneuver the step, so once more she
reaches behind her and unzips her skirt a little more. With a smile, she
looks at the bus driver and tries to board again. With disappointment, she
finds that she still can't step that high and so with exasperation and a
sigh she unzips her skirt the rest of the way down. To her amazement, her
leg still will not reach the bottom step.

Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabs her by the waist, lifts
her up, and places her on the bus.

The woman turns to the Texan furious and says, "Who do you think you are
to touch my body in that way? I don't even know you!"

Nonplused, the Texan looks at her and replies, "Well, ma'am, after you
unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends."

---------------------------------------------

A teacher was standing in front of Sunday School class one day and announced
to the class, "Kids, today we are going talk about heaven. Now tell me,
what part of your body will enter heaven first when you die?"

Sally was first to stick her hand up. "It's your hands!" "And why, Sally?"
said the teacher. "Because you pray with your hands," answered Sally.

Hendrik was next with, "Oh no, it's your knees." "And why?" inquired the
teacher. "Because when you pray, you lean on your knees," replied Hendrik.

John jumped out of his seat and said to the class that he knew the right
answer. "Teacher, it's your legs," he said with excitement. "Your legs?"
the teacher repeated, with a frown on her forehead.

John replied, with a seriousness look on his face, "Yes Teacher, because
when I walked into my mom's room last night, my mom had her legs in the air
and shouted, 'Oh God, I'm coming'!"

---------------------------------------------

A nun entered a cab and the driver was staring at her. She asked him
why he was staring, and he answers "I want to ask you a question but I
don't want to offend you."

She said, "You can't offend me. Not as old as I am and as long as I
have been a nun. I have heard just about everything."

The cab driver said, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun
give me a blow job."

She said, "Well, let's see what we can work out. You have to be single
and have to be Catholic."

The cab driver replied, "Oh, I'm single and I am Catholic!" She said,
"OK, pull into that alley," and he did. She did her thing and back on
the street again, the cab driver started crying and she said, "My child,
what's the matter?"

He said, "Sister, I have sinned, I lied, I lied. I'm married and I'm
Jewish."

She said, "That's okay. My name is Steve and I'm on my way to a Costume
Party."

---------------------------------------------

There was two newly weds walking along the beach, the man saw a can, so
he kicked it by a tree.

Then a man appeared by it and said, "I am the genie of the can, and for
freeing me, I will grant you 3 wishes. I will only grant you one, your
wife one and finally, I'll keep the last one myself."

So, the newly weds talked it over and agreed to accept the offer.

The man wished for one million dollars a year for the rest of his life,
and it was granted. His wife wished for a house and car on each
continent, and it was granted. The genie wished that he could spend a
night with the woman, so the newly weds talked it over and decided to go
for it.

That night the genie and the woman slept together.

When they woke up the genie said, "How old is your husband?" She said,
"22" and the genie said, "And he still believes in genies?"

(got to try this one)
---------------------------------------------

A man rushes in to his local doctor, and says "Doctor, Doctor, you've got
to help me!" "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor replies. "Well,"
said the rather distraught man, "the other day, I came home from work, and
I walked into the bedroom, and there she was - my wife, lying in bed with
another man! I just went mad - insane, even! I dived into the cupboard,
pulled out my shotgun and pointed it at my wife. I was about to pull the
trigger, when the other man said to me, 'Listen! Don't do it! If you shoot
her, you'll go to jail for the rest of your life, and you won't get to see
your wife at all, ever. Why don't you put the gun down, we'll make some
coffee, and we'll just talk this whole thing over?' So, we made some coffee
and talked it over."

"I see." said the doctor. "So, what's the problem?" "Well," said the man,
"the next day I came home from work, only to find her in bed with the same
man! I went mad with rage, dived into the cupboard for the shotgun again,
and pointed it at him. Just before I pulled the trigger, the guy says,
'Listen! This is crazy! If you shoot me, you'll get locked in the clink
for the rest of your life, and you wife will be free to do this anytime she
want with any man she pleases. There must be another solution. Tell you
what - put the gun down, we'll make some coffee and we'll talk it over.' So,
we talked it over."

"Aha." said the doctor, unsure where all this was leading. "So, what
exactly is the problem?"

"Well, the night after that, I came home and found her in bed with the same
guy again! I was livid and flooded with despair. This time, I reached into
the cupboard, pulled out the shotgun and put both ends on the barrel into
my mouth. Just before I pulled the trigger, this guy comes back with,
'Listen. Don't do it! Don't pull the trigger! If you kill yourself, where
will you be then? You'll be dead, and your wife and I can go on doing this
whenever we please, not just when you're at work! Why don't we sit down
with some coffee and we'll talk it over.' So, we made the coffee and talked
it all over again!"

"Okay!" said the doctor. "I get the message. But if this other guy is so
understanding and you've all 'talked it over' so many times, what is the
bloody problem?"

"Well," said the man, "I was wondering, is all this coffee bad for my
health?"

---------------------------------------------

A guy drives over to his grandparent's house. Upon his arrival, he notices
his grandfather sitting on the front porch chair without any pants on.

He runs up the walkway and says to his grandfather, "Gramps, what in the
world are you doing sitting out front with no pants on?"

His grandfather replies, "I sat out here last night without a shirt on, and
woke up this morning with a stiff neck, so this was your grandmother's
idea!"

---------------------------------------------

A feeble old man is in his doctor's office having a checkup. The doctor
finishes the checkup says to the man, "So, you seem in fine health. Any
problems?"

"Yes, Doc," the old man slowly responded, "My sex drive is too high and
I need it lowered."

This took the doctor quite by surprise. "You're 84-years-old, and you're
in fine health for a man of your age, and I know men half your age who
would kill for a problem like that. So why are you complaining?"

"Well," the old man said, "I see all these sexy nurses at the home, and
when I go for a walk, I see all these cute women all around, so that's
why I'm here, Doc. I want my sex drive lowered."

Still confused, the doctor said, "I would think that at your age, you
wouldn't complain about a high sex drive."

"Doc," the old man said, "You don't understand. I need my sex drive lowered
from here," pointing to his head, "to here!" pointing between his legs.

---------------------------------------------

A man goes into a doctor's office and says "Doctor! Doctor! I have five
penises!!"

The doctor says "Good lord, man! How do your pants fit?!"

The man says, "Like a glove."

---------------------------------------------

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail, when an
exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so
striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young
woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman
said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me
to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.

The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in
just three words."

The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet
from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed
into the young woman's hand.

He looked deeply into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my
house."

---------------------------------------------




------------------
Join the MURC SETI team! | SETI @ MURC

"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."

[Guru]

A bill collector came knocking at the door of a lady who had fallen behind
on her bills.

"All right, lady," said the bill collector, "how about the next installment
on that couch?"

The lady shrugged. "I guess that's better than having to give you money."

---------------------------------------------

A man was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready to jump
off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms
dancing all around on the river bank. He thought to himself, "Life isn't so
bad after all," and climbed down from the railing.

He then walked down to the riverbank to thank the little man for saving his
life.

"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself,
but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my
mind."

"I am not dancing, you dickhead," the armless man replied bitterly. "My
****ole itches, and I can't scratch it."

---------------------------------------------

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when
his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick
with aspirin."

---------------------------------------------

While vacationing in the hills of Alabama, the big city man discovered that
he had no writing paper at all for his personal correspondence.

He went into the small town near-by and found only an old-fashioned country
store. Behind the counter was a really nice looking young lass, quite
obviously a local farm girl.

He asked, "Do you keep stationery?"

"Well," she giggled, "I can - until I have an orgasm, then I just go plain
wild and crazy!"

---------------------------------------------

A little girl was puzzled as to her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?"

Her mommy said, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you."

"And did God send you too, Mommy?"

"Yes, Dear, He did."

"And Grandma and great grandma and daddy, too?" asked the little girl.

Again the answer was, "Yes."

The child shook her head in disbelief and said, "Then you mean to tell me
there has been no sex in this family for 200 years? No wonder everyone is
so cranky!"

---------------------------------------------

A young boy sidles into an ice cream parlor dressed as a cowboy complete
with a ten gallon hat, fuzzy chaps and toy sixguns.

The girl behind the counter says, "How cute. What'll it be, Tex?"

The young cowboy says, "Gimme a hot fudge sundae."

She says, "You want whipped cream on that?"

He says, "Yep."

She asks, "How about a cherry on top?"

"Yep," he replies.

Then the girl says, "Do you want crushed nuts?"

The little boy draws his toy guns and says, "You want your tits blown off?"

---------------------------------------------

A young couple were banging away like there was no tomorrow, when the boy
stopped and asked the girl to spread her legs farther apart. She eagerly
did, anticipating more of his enthusiastic vigor. Instead, he timidly asked
her to spread her legs even farther apart.

She said, "Why? What are you trying to do, ram your balls inside me?"

"No. I've already done that. Now I am trying to get them back out."

---------------------------------------------

A doctor says to his male patient, "I've got good news and I've got bad
news. The bad news is you're showing signs of being a homosexual."

"With bad news like that, what could be the good news?" the patient asks.

"The good news is I think you're cute."

---------------------------------------------

Two old men meet on a street corner. The first old man said, "Where have
you been for the last couple of months?"

The 2nd old man replied, "I was in jail."

The 1st old man asked, "You were in jail? Why were you in jail?"

He replied, "Well, about two months ago I was standing on a corner, and
this beautiful young woman rushes up with a policeman, points to me and
says, 'He is the man officer, he is the one who attacked and raped me'."

The 1st old man said, "What? And you let her get away with it?"

2nd old replied, "Well, I'll tell you, I felt so flattered, I admitted to
it."

---------------------------------------------

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get
it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can
do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your
clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie
down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said.
"Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

---------------------------------------------




------------------
Join the MURC SETI team! | SETI @ MURC

"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."

[KvHagedorn]

Poor kid.. if he wasn't crippled he could run from those perverts.



[This message has been edited by KvHagedorn (edited 06 November 2000).]

[Gurm]

Oh behave. What word were they gonna use... Chutzpah?

- Gurm

------------------
Listen up, you primitive screwheads! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Etc. etc.

[Guru]

There was a boy, whose parents were very strict in his upbringing. They
never allowed him to meet any girls, except his own relatives. However,
one day, he saw one of his best friends kissing a girl and he went to his
Mother and asked her what they were doing.

His Mother told him. "It's called kissing and any boy who does that to a
girl will die that very minute!"

On his 21st Birthday, he went out with some friends, who introduced him to
one of the sweetest girls around town. She knew that he had never been
kissed before.

When she eventually got some time alone with him, she tried to kiss him
but he resisted. She asked him, "What are you afraid of? It won't hurt."
He replied, "My Mother said if I kiss a girl, I'll die that very minute!"
She replied, "Don't be a baby, now come on kiss me." With that she gave
him a hot kiss, square across the lips.

He began to cry, "Oh no I'm going to die." She asked, "Why are you
going to die?" He replied, "I've just kissed you and already one part of
me has begun to get stiff!"

---------------------------------------------

Q: If male working bees are called drones what are female nonreproductive
bees are called?

A: Lesbees

---------------------------------------------

Two homosexuals were talking when one of them happened to mention that he
had gotten circumcised last week.

"Can I see it?" asked the second gay guy. So he promptly dropped his pants
to show off his operation.

"Oooh," squealed his friend, "You look ten years younger!"

---------------------------------------------

A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini
skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her
thighs. To his delight, he realizes she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my
pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this,
I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely
absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman.

The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man
moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"

---------------------------------------------

An old man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning eighty
tomorrow. I've hired a hooker for the night, and I'd love to do it just one
more time before I die. Can you give me something that'll get me up?"

The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I think in
your case I can make an exception for one night."

Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man
and asked, "How's it going?"

"Fabulous," the old man said. "I've come three times already."

"That's great," the doctor said. "the hooker must be astounded."

"Not exactly," the old man said. "She's not here yet."

---------------------------------------------

Three cowboys, one from Texas, one from Kansas and one from Oklahoma.
went into a bar bragging about who was the worst of the three.

The Oklahoman said, "Watch this!" and yelled at the barmaid, "Hey, barmaid.
Bring me a pitcher of beer and get your buns over here." When the barmaid
got there, the guy from Oklahoma guzzled down the whole pitcher, laid his
hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off one of his
fingers. She was startled.

The cowboy from Kansas yelled out, "Hey barmaid, bring a beer with a
shot of Tequila and get your butt over here with it." The barmaid brought
it and he drank the beer and Tequila down, laid his hand on the table,
whipped out his forty-five and shot off two fingers. The barmaid was
terrified at this, especially after just witnessing the Oklahoman.

The Texas cowboy spoke out and told the barmaid, "Honey, bring me a whole
bottle of Tequila and hurry." Upon her arrival, he drank the entire
bottle of Tequila, unzipped his pants and slams his dick on the table.

The barmaid screamed, "You aren't going to shoot that off are you?" He
replied, "Heck no, I want you to kiss it. It will go off by itself."

---------------------------------------------

A nightclub owner is in need of a new act. He holds several auditions and
then a man shows up. The owner asks him what he does and the man replies.
"I write all my own music and play it on the piano." The owner tells him
to play something. The music turns out to be incredibly beautiful and the
owner is very impressed.

He says to the man, "That was great. What do you call it?" The man replies,
"I call that 'Grab her by the ears and shove it down her throat'." The
owner is understandably taken aback, but asks the man to play something
else. Again, the music is beautiful and rhapsodic. The owner is incredibly
moved and again asks the man what the piece is called. The man replies, "I
call that one 'Pump her in the ass until her eyeballs pop out'."

The owner thinks that this is pretty weird, but the guy plays beautifully.
He gives him the job, but makes him promise that he will never tell the
customers the names of his pieces. The man agrees.

On opening night, the man is playing to a packed house. The crowd loves
him. During a break, a customer approaches the stage and says to the
musician, "Hey buddy, do you know your fly's open and your dick's hanging
out?" The musician's eyes widen in amazement and he replies. "Know it?
Hell, I wrote it!"

---------------------------------------------

When one of the prostitutes passed away, the girls moped around the house.

"Good old Gloria," lamented one. "She could handle twenty men a night,
drink a fifth of whiskey and still have the strength to roll five drunks."

Hearing this, one of the others burst into tears. "Why is it," she sobbed,
"that a girl has to die before anyone says anything nice about her?"

---------------------------------------------

Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie
is now silent for a while.

"You understand it now?" Mommy asks.

"Yes," replies her daughter.

"Do you still have any questions?"

"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"

"In exactly the same way as with babies."

"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"

---------------------------------------------

Q: Why do hippos have sex under water?
A: It's hard to get 1000 pounds of pussy wet.

---------------------------------------------

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a
long day's trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out
the paperwork, the man notices a gorgeous woman sitting in the lobby. He
tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute
he comes back, with the girl on his arm.

Lying to the hotel clerk, he says, "Fancy meeting my 'wife' here. I'll need
a double room for the night."

The next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be
over $3000.

"What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only been here
for one night!"

"Yes," says the clerk, "but your 'wife' has been here for three weeks!"

---------------------------------------------

A guy walks into a bar and goes right up to a beautiful redhead sitting
alone in the corner. "Hey, wanna screw?" he asks.

"Your place or mine?" she answers coyly.

"Well, if it's going to be a hassle..."

---------------------------------------------

Q: Why do men always pay more for car insurance?

A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're behind the wheel.

---------------------------------------------

Learning he had a rare disease whose only cure was mother's milk, Mr.
Shipman took out a personal ad looking for a nursing mother. To his
delight, he found a woman almost at once and, after agreeing on a price, he
went up to her apartment.

As it happened, Mr. Shipman had incredibly soft lips, and an active tongue,
and after five minutes of nursing, the woman was almost beside herself with
passion.

"Is there anything else I can offer you?" she panted.

Smiling impishly, Mr. Shipman responded, "If it's not too much trouble, do
you happen to have any Oreos?"

---------------------------------------------

Q: Have you heard the one about the woman sheriff?

A: She had a big possy.

---------------------------------------------

Every time an Indian walks into the chief's teepee he sees that the chief
is masturbating. They finally realize this is a serious problem, so they
fix him up with a nice woman, and she starts living with him in his teepee.

One day, one of the Indians walks into to chief's teepee and there's the
chief masturbating again.

He says, "Chief, what are you doing? We fix you up with a beautiful woman."

The chief says, "Her arm get tired."

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

------------------
Join the MURC SETI team! | SETI @ MURC

Don't get even — get odd!