Friday's Funnies Fertilized

[Jorden]

Jokes again...
<hr>
<u>Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road: From a political viewpoint</u>

VICE PRESIDENT GORE I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens Right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.

HARRY BROWNE Because my Libertarian Administration had set him free.

SENATOR LIEBERMAN I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God In their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.

ART OLIVER That's a Libertarian Chicken. He knows the scratchings are better across the road and he has sense enough to dodge the traffic without government help.

SECRETARY CHENEY Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in
crossing the road myself.

RALPH NADER Chickens are misled by the evil tiremakers into believing there is a road. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers to create the need for these
roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads,up with chickens.

PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people See the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it-the "other side." Yes,
my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite Justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN What chicken?

FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more Chickens have to cross before you believe it?

BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of
eChicken.

BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?

GEORGE BUSH I don't think I should have to answer that question.
<hr>
<u>You might be a Redneck Jedi if.... </u>

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
* Wookies are offended by your B.O.
* You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
* Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
* You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
* You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
* You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
* You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
* You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
<hr>
The Office of Personnel Management for the United States government today announced the 2001 holiday schedule for federal employees.

There will be two fewer holidays in Washington, D.C., next year.
Halloween and Thanksgiving have been cancelled.

The witch is moving to New York, and she's taking the turkey with her.
<hr>

Jord

[Guru]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Microsoft Announces Improved BSOD

In a surprise announcement today, Microsoft President Steve Ballmer
revealed that the Redmond based company will allow computer resellers and
end-users to customize the appearance of the Blue Screen of Death
(abbreviated BSOD), the screen that displays when the Windows operating
system crashes.

The move comes as the result of numerous focus groups and customer surveys
done by Microsoft. Thousands of Microsoft customers were asked, "What do
you spend the most time doing on your computer?"

A surprising number of respondents said, "Staring at a Blue Screen of
Death". At 54 percent, it was the top answer, beating the second place
answer "Downloading XXXScans" by an easy 12 points.

"We immediately recognized this as a great opportunity for ourselves, our
channel partners, and especially our customers." explained the excited
Ballmer to a room full of reporters.

Immense video displays were used to show images of the new customizable
BSOD screen side-by-side with the older static version. Users can select
from a collection of "BSOD Themes", allowing them to instead have a Mauve
Screen of Death or even a Paisley Screen of Death. Graphics and multimedia
content can now be incorporated into the screen, making the BSOD the
perfect conduit for delivering product information and entertainment to
Windows users.

The Blue Screen of Death is by far the most recognized feature of the
Windows (tm) operating system, and as a result, Microsoft has historically
insisted on total control over its look-and-feel. This recent departure
from that policy reflects Microsoft's recognition of the Windows desktop
itself as the "ultimate information portal." By default, the new BSOD will
be configured to show a random selection of Microsoft product information
whenever the system crashes. Microsoft channel partners can negotiate with
Microsoft for the right to customize the BSOD on systems they ship.

Major computer resellers such as Compaq, Gateway, and Dell are already
lining up for premier placement on the new and improved BSOD.

Balmer concluded by getting a dig in against the Open Source community.
"This just goes to show that Microsoft continues to innovate at a much
faster pace than open source. I have yet to see any evidence that Linux
even has a BSOD, let alone a customizable one."

Coming soon - Options for the Hour Glass of Doom!


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Join the MURC SETI team! | SETI @ MURC

Don't get even — get odd!

[Jorden]

The most funny thing I saw all day on these here fori was:

[impact]

As a matter of fact, you actually can customize the BSOD (change colours that is). Green text on black background looks so much nicer...

[Rags]

What's a Blue Screen of Death?

[Gurm]

Rags,

I have heard of these mythical things. Apparently, when people can't set up their Windows system properly, the screen goes all text-ish and says "some error" or "invalid something-or-other".

I personally have never witnessed this. Apparently if you force a memory dump by running a bad program or a VIA motherboard or an ATI video card, you can see this in Windows 2000 as well. Or so I've heard.

- Gurm

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Listen up, you primitive screwheads! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Etc. etc.

[Rags]

Wow, what will they think of next?

[Gurm]

Well, I heard a rumour... mind you, this is total hearsay... that those people who believe in the BSOD's are going to start a campaign to make people believe that Windows is... wait for this... unstable!

Can you believe it?!?!

- Gurm

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Listen up, you primitive screwheads! See this? This is my BOOMSTICK! Etc. etc.

[Himself]

heheh

Want to see a Blue Screen? Start some installer from the CD-ROM drive, then take out the CD when it pauses to ask you to click ok, you should have at least a dozen opportunities to do this in your typical installer.

Are you sure you meant to insert the CD? Are you sure you meant to click on install? When you clicked on install did you really mean it? Please confirm the responses to the first three questions by clicking "ok" now. Are you sure? Please confirm. OK done. Do you wish to reboot now or shall I screw up your system now? Are you sure? Please confirm. Select yes or no.

The main problem I've had with Windows in the last 10 minutes is that it doesn't understand when no means no. And it redefines the word all to mean some.

I think people just get so used to dealing with all the crap in Windows they don't even notice how stupid some things are with the OS and the general standards that have grown up along with it.

[Aerobed]

erm, why would you want to remove a CD while you're installing from it?? To me it seems like te OS starts asking all those dumb questions because of a dumb user action :-)

not to say that windows doesn't have it's bugs, but I have to agree with Gurm an Rags.
I haven't seen a BSOD in more than a year.

[Himself]

"erm, why would you want to remove a CD while you're installing from it??"

You'd never want to do that, you'd never want to do a lot of things Windows forces you to do. You get into trouble when you assume Windows is actually going to work properly.

Please insert the Windows CD

Of course you get the situation where the Windows CD can't be accessed because the OS didn't bother to load the CD-ROM driver this time round. This is just a minor part of the OS, you know the part that installs it.

It just goes on and on, somebody should tell MS to screw off with the fancier GUIs, just get the basic crap working.

"To me it seems like te OS starts asking all those dumb questions because of a dumb user action :-)"

It doesn't matter if the action is dumb, a real OS would handle it gracefully anyway.
Not go into a blue screen loop where it can't recognise the CD it's asking for.

But I was referring to all the typical installers out there, not the OS in this instance. For the OS, every delete and copy operation involves a "yes to all" button that you have to keep clicking on.
Just bad ui design. Windows might not crash as often under WinNT, but you get to the point where you don't care anymore.




[This message has been edited by Himself (edited 18 November 2000).]

[agallag]

I haven't seen a BSOD since the last time I ran a corporate Win95 image on my work pc. Now, whenever I get a new PC at work with the standard image, there's one program I alway run first. FDISK It seems that when I install an OS myself, I never have any problems with it. Weird huh?



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Andrew
Carpe Cerevisi

[Himself]

I can install a Windows OS without hassles as well, as long as the paticular hardware config cooperates with plug and play.

[Jorden]

Himself, you forget the option to delete a program's drivers, where you only have the options YES, NO and NO to ALL... Errm, where's my YES to ALL button? Do I really want to press this damn YES button for all the 1500 drivers this program installed? Why do I have to do this, btw?

Jord.