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Scratch the Surface for the 'Multiplier Effect'
By Joel Achenbach
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, December 6, 2000
Everyone knows about the hijinks in Seminole and Martin counties, where Republican activists "fixed" technical flaws in thousands of Republican absentee ballot applications. But that only scratches the surface of the malodorous, mephitic mire that is the Florida presidential election. Consider:
* In Stankee County, officials let Republican activists take Democratic absentee ballots to Bubba's All-Nite Meat Shak, where subsequent stains from barbecue sauce rendered the ballots unreadable.
* In Chaw County, on the Alabama border, Republican elections officials required voters in predominantly Democratic precincts to submit first to fingerprints, mug shots, frisking and "cavity checks," while in Republican precincts every voter was given free tickets to the annual Kiwanis Club fish fry.
* In Shiffless County, Republican officials fed hundreds of Democratic ballots to a pack of starving pit bulls.
* In tiny Crawdad County, in the Florida panhandle, elections officials recorded 17,821 votes for George W. Bush even though the county's population, including livestock, is only 185.
Taken individually, these cases are certainly not a cause for alarm. Americans are sophisticated, and they understand that in some circumstances a ballot must be reviewed by partisan activists, and possibly improved, altered, destroyed or subjected to what is known as "the multiplier effect." But as we read all the various reports, it becomes increasingly evident that our procedures for electing a president are not entirely foolproof – a problem hinted at earlier this year when the two major parties, defying common sense, nominated Al Gore and George W. Bush.
The good news is, the election is nearing a conclusion. Al Gore has indicated that, if he loses the next round of arguments at the Florida Supreme Court, and if the Seminole and Martin county cases do not give him the presidency, he will consider making his legal challenge of the 2000 election a mere "hobby" while he applies for professorships at various universities.
Gore says he believes he still has a 50-50 chance of prevailing, though some observers contend that Kato Kaelin has a greater likelihood of being named the head of NASA. Nonetheless, it's easy to understand why Gore is fighting so hard. As he says repeatedly, fairness requires that not merely some of the votes, but ALL the votes in Democratic strongholds be counted. He knows that, according to analyses of the Florida vote by the Orlando Sentinel and the Miami Herald, he really did win the election, and that it was merely an oversight on the part of the framers that the Constitution makes no mention of the Orlando Sentinel or the Miami Herald.
Gore's lead lawyer, David Boies, assures Gore that he can win this case in the courts. Boies points out that he recently persuaded a federal judge to break up America's most successful technology company on the grounds that there weren't enough other companies making money in the technology industry. Boies says his life's dream is to persuade a judge that cows in pastures are secretly plotting to take over the government.
The vice president still faces a number of significant legal and political obstacles:
* When Gore contested the election, a judge ruled against him on every count, plus some additional counts that no one had brought up, and said that, if it were up to him, Gore would be imprisoned and tried for treason.
* The U.S. Supreme Court, in its per curiam order, said that it would get "huffibrium" (huffy) if the Florida Supreme Court tries any more "humericus gobitatus" (funny stuff).
* And finally, Democrats in Congress, alarmed by Gore's stubbornness, say that if he continues to fight even after a loss at the Florida Supreme Court they will be forced to stage an intervention. They will explain to Gore that his belief that he may yet become president is something that happens to everyone who wins the popular vote yet somehow loses the Electoral College because of a tiny handful of ding-dongs who can't correctly punch a ballot, and that the medications that treat this disorder have few permanent side effects.
George W. Bush, meanwhile, is feeling confident at the latest turn of events. Bush does not yet want to be called the "President-elect," but he has suggested that Gore be called the "Vice President-reject." Bush is moving rapidly ahead in his transition, and plans to learn this week what the different Cabinet positions are, and which ones are the most important.
On Tuesday, Bush received his first "intelligence briefing." Officials said the procedure did not appear to be working, and they will now consider a direct surgical implant.
Rough Draft will continue to appear at washingtonpost.com until its appeal is exhausted.
© 2000 The Washington Post
By Joel Achenbach
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, December 6, 2000
Everyone knows about the hijinks in Seminole and Martin counties, where Republican activists "fixed" technical flaws in thousands of Republican absentee ballot applications. But that only scratches the surface of the malodorous, mephitic mire that is the Florida presidential election. Consider:
* In Stankee County, officials let Republican activists take Democratic absentee ballots to Bubba's All-Nite Meat Shak, where subsequent stains from barbecue sauce rendered the ballots unreadable.
* In Chaw County, on the Alabama border, Republican elections officials required voters in predominantly Democratic precincts to submit first to fingerprints, mug shots, frisking and "cavity checks," while in Republican precincts every voter was given free tickets to the annual Kiwanis Club fish fry.
* In Shiffless County, Republican officials fed hundreds of Democratic ballots to a pack of starving pit bulls.
* In tiny Crawdad County, in the Florida panhandle, elections officials recorded 17,821 votes for George W. Bush even though the county's population, including livestock, is only 185.
Taken individually, these cases are certainly not a cause for alarm. Americans are sophisticated, and they understand that in some circumstances a ballot must be reviewed by partisan activists, and possibly improved, altered, destroyed or subjected to what is known as "the multiplier effect." But as we read all the various reports, it becomes increasingly evident that our procedures for electing a president are not entirely foolproof – a problem hinted at earlier this year when the two major parties, defying common sense, nominated Al Gore and George W. Bush.
The good news is, the election is nearing a conclusion. Al Gore has indicated that, if he loses the next round of arguments at the Florida Supreme Court, and if the Seminole and Martin county cases do not give him the presidency, he will consider making his legal challenge of the 2000 election a mere "hobby" while he applies for professorships at various universities.
Gore says he believes he still has a 50-50 chance of prevailing, though some observers contend that Kato Kaelin has a greater likelihood of being named the head of NASA. Nonetheless, it's easy to understand why Gore is fighting so hard. As he says repeatedly, fairness requires that not merely some of the votes, but ALL the votes in Democratic strongholds be counted. He knows that, according to analyses of the Florida vote by the Orlando Sentinel and the Miami Herald, he really did win the election, and that it was merely an oversight on the part of the framers that the Constitution makes no mention of the Orlando Sentinel or the Miami Herald.
Gore's lead lawyer, David Boies, assures Gore that he can win this case in the courts. Boies points out that he recently persuaded a federal judge to break up America's most successful technology company on the grounds that there weren't enough other companies making money in the technology industry. Boies says his life's dream is to persuade a judge that cows in pastures are secretly plotting to take over the government.
The vice president still faces a number of significant legal and political obstacles:
* When Gore contested the election, a judge ruled against him on every count, plus some additional counts that no one had brought up, and said that, if it were up to him, Gore would be imprisoned and tried for treason.
* The U.S. Supreme Court, in its per curiam order, said that it would get "huffibrium" (huffy) if the Florida Supreme Court tries any more "humericus gobitatus" (funny stuff).
* And finally, Democrats in Congress, alarmed by Gore's stubbornness, say that if he continues to fight even after a loss at the Florida Supreme Court they will be forced to stage an intervention. They will explain to Gore that his belief that he may yet become president is something that happens to everyone who wins the popular vote yet somehow loses the Electoral College because of a tiny handful of ding-dongs who can't correctly punch a ballot, and that the medications that treat this disorder have few permanent side effects.
George W. Bush, meanwhile, is feeling confident at the latest turn of events. Bush does not yet want to be called the "President-elect," but he has suggested that Gore be called the "Vice President-reject." Bush is moving rapidly ahead in his transition, and plans to learn this week what the different Cabinet positions are, and which ones are the most important.
On Tuesday, Bush received his first "intelligence briefing." Officials said the procedure did not appear to be working, and they will now consider a direct surgical implant.
Rough Draft will continue to appear at washingtonpost.com until its appeal is exhausted.
© 2000 The Washington Post
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