Should I be worried?

[Alec]

Wow, Kindness!, your older daughter is amazing (and I imagine when she grows up...)

[DuRaNgO]

Yeah, I'm a little worried too:




[This message has been edited by DuRaNgO (edited 02 April 2001).]

[Rags]

I figured the MURCers would understand. Last thread about children, I recall seeing most of the one's who had them had daughters.

Rags

[Snake-Eyes]

Seems that our daughters must be talking, Kindness. Mine just turned five this month, and already she's coming home from school and telling daddy about her 'boyfriend' at school, as well as making plans for how she's going to marry him when they grow up!

Scary stuff. Fortunately, we're moving far away from here very soon, heh.

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Ace. I'm like the Invisible Man- I'm here, you just don't see me that often.

[Ant]

Mines 4 next month she's already got a boyfriend at school, poor kid is scared to death of her though

[Helevitia]

Here ya go Rags. Just follow this, you should be fine

SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.

Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to
> have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from> you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped1 up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless potentate of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


Hope you enjoyed it

Dave

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What if the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about?

[cbman]

Hey Dave... that was funny

When I started going out with my wife I was given a questionaire by her father.. I will see if I can dig it up because it was the scariest but funniest thing I have ever seen.. LOL

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Hang Low and Limber

[cjolley]

Guys, Guys
All this silly, fantasy advice.... tisk.... tisk........

Rags
Go buy a blood pressure cuff now.
You can't start too soon working to keep up your health.
chuck

PS She's already a charmer. You are so screwed.

[Paddy]

groan.....Andrea wants one....

Perhaps we can rent one for the weekend?

[cbman]

Hey Paddy

Don't get a rental.. they give you the really good ones that always do what they are told and are little angels.. Its very very misleading... (the company is run by a woman... LOL... she is very sympathetic to what other women want and does anything to make it seem like a good idea )

If she ends up anything like my 7 year old cousin you will end up in a rest home sooner than you would wish...

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Hang Low and Limber

[This message has been edited by cbman (edited 03 April 2001).]

[Paddy]

People actually rent them?

Sounds like cheap baby sitting to me!

[Snake-Eyes]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Ant:
Mines 4 next month she's already got a boyfriend at school, poor kid is scared to death of her though </font>

Smart boy.

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Ace. I'm like the Invisible Man- I'm here, you just don't see me that often.