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**Joel** · 4 March 2002, 18:18

Here's one a friend just sent me.

TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE

Truths about life that children have learned:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If you sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

Truths about life that adults have learned:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-0 to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge -- mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Truths about growing old:

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone

Four stages of life:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

Joel

**roadie** · 5 March 2002, 03:21

lol some of those are great

**Strahd** · 5 March 2002, 07:17

Carla, a 41 year old biologist, comes home from the doctor
and runs into her bedroom. She rips her clothes off and
starts jumping up and down of her bed.

Her husband Nathan walks into the room and watches Carla
for a minute.

'You look ridiculous,' Nathan says. 'What's gotten into you?'

'I just had my yearly check-up,' Carla says. 'The doctor
said I have the breasts of an 18 year old!'

'Yeah right, and what did he say about your 41 year old ass?'
Nathan asks.

'Funny,' she says. 'Your name never came up.'

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Jokes for the day.

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