Humor for the day.

[Joel]

WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL? Dam!.

WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE? Polaroids.!

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK? A stick

WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS? Nacho cheese

WHAT DO YOU CALL 4 BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND? Quatro sinko.

WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW? Spoiled milk

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A
VAMPIRE? Frostbite.

WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck

WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
Right where you left him.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef

WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?!
Because they have big fingers

WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog

WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC? Sanka.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER?
The location of the dirt bag.

WHY DOES A PILGRIMS PANTS ALWAYS FALL DOWN?
Because they wear their belt buckles on their hat.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKYDIVER?
A bad golfer goes whack, darn.
A bad sky diver goes darn, whack.

HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?
Unique up on it.

HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT
Tame way -- unique up on it.

WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
Skeet.

HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer

Joel

[Oboy]

Thats was just what I needed! LOL

Oboy

[Agent31]

ditto...

I'm chalking up a record number of shitty days this week...

[Jammrock]

I got one, I got one!!!

Dogbert!



Jammrock

[Reverend Maynard]

Originally posted by Jammrock
I got one, I got one!!!

Dogbert!



Jammrock

Hands down the funniest joke of all!

[Dogbert]

Hehe, I knew there was some nice easy way to get a title on Murc

Why work all the way to 1000 posts just to be a "Super Murcer" like anyone else when you can shake the boat and send 'anonymous' threats to Murcers, moderators and Ant himself ?

Now that I got THIS title, I think I'll start being more helpfull and giving more advices on the HW forums

[Jammrock]

No offense Dogbert, but you did set yourself up for this

Jammrock

[Dogbert]

Hey, it took a project !

1. learn to admire Dogbert's comix and his great (megalomaniac) personality
2. Become one with the Dogbert inide you
3. Take over the MURC !!!

Example:

[Joel]

A Cajun, down by the bayou, was recently stopped by a game warden. The Cajun had two ice chests full of fish. The game warden asked the man,

"Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The Cajun replied,

"Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no." "Dese are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" the warden replied.

"Aw Ya." Avery night I take dese here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim 'round for a while. When I whistle and dey jump rat back into de ice chests and I take dem home."

"That's a bunch of bull hockey!" "Fish can't do that!"

The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's de truth ma' fren, come I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The curious game warden said.

The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the Cajun.

"When are you going to call them back?" The game warden asked.

"Call who back?" the Cajun asked.

"The FISH."

"What fish?"

[Joel]

Hi friends...,

Last year I replaced several windows in my house. They were the expensive double-insulated energy efficient windows. This week I got a call from the contractor complaining that the work has been
done for a year and I had failed to pay for them.

Boy, oh boy, did we go round and round. I told him no one pulls a fast one on this ol' lady. Even though I am a senior citizen and used to be a blonde, doesn't mean that I am automatically
stupid!

I proceeded to tell him just what his salesman told me last year;

"That in one year they would pay for themselves!"

[Joel]

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.


The Russians used a pencil. Enjoy paying your taxes

[RichL]

Originally posted by Joel
The Russians used a pencil. Enjoy paying your taxes

I dont know if its true or not, but I heard NASA didnt use a pencil because they were concerned about leads breaking and little bits of graphite floating around the spaceship with all those electronics in there.

[William]

On the plus side, we can now buy really cool pens... And according to the little leaflet I got inside the last one I got, one of the apollo missions would have been a failure if it hadn't been for tthe pen. I'll have to see if I can dig out the story.

[Gurm]

I had one of those pens. Lost it, but boy it was indestructible. Made of titanium and wrote ANYWHERE, on ANYTHING. No lie.

And yeah, the graphite was a MAJOR risk. The Russians also didn't put enough shielding on their capsules. *shrug*

- Gurm

[Joel]

I wish some people would learn to read the title of a thread.

It was a joke damnit!!!!

Joel