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Classified Ads
The following were taken from recent classified ads in newspapers:
``
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
``
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG
``
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
``
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
``
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
``
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents
``
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
``
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
``
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
``
GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
``
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT. ``
AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED
$100
``
NOTICE:
TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN
MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.
ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.
``
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
``
KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
``
FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A burglar entered the house of a Quaker and proceeded to rob it. The
Quaker heard the noise and took his shotgun downstairs. Upon finding the
burglar he aimed his gun and said gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm,
but thou standest where I am about to shoot."
``
*----- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ------*
``
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT A TATTOO PARLOR...
``
"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
``
"We're all out of red, so I used pink."
``
"There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
``
"Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
``
"That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."
``
"I HATE it when I get the hiccups."
``
"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
``
"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
``
"The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."
===========+++++++++++=========
``
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
``
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG
``
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
``
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
``
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
``
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents
``
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
``
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
``
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
``
GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
``
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT. ``
AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED
$100
``
NOTICE:
TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN
MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.
ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.
``
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
``
KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
``
FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A burglar entered the house of a Quaker and proceeded to rob it. The
Quaker heard the noise and took his shotgun downstairs. Upon finding the
burglar he aimed his gun and said gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm,
but thou standest where I am about to shoot."
``
*----- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ------*
``
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT A TATTOO PARLOR...
``
"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
``
"We're all out of red, so I used pink."
``
"There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
``
"Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
``
"That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."
``
"I HATE it when I get the hiccups."
``
"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
``
"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
``
"The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."
===========+++++++++++=========
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