Pick one!

[_hSUBpar_]

Well, pick one. I am done for now. I have tried to undo some of the LIES of SPURM and his stupid minions Joel the Mindless and the one he calls "Lefty" (do you think you're FOOLING us, SPURM? Don't you think we know that LEFTY is really YOU posting from a different PC COMPUTER!?).

So now answer my poll. Good night to you all. May you find the TRUTH and LIGHT of OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR!

[_hSUBpar_]

I pick first! And PICK THE TRUTH!

[Gurm]

Can I vote for YOU'RE A RETARDED ****WIT (of truth, if that helps)?

****nut.

- Gurm

[efty]

Please don't insult me I am not Gurm!!!

[Gurm]

Oh fess up lefty, you're my greek alter ego.

- Gurm

[agallag]

I prefer "YOU'RE AN ****AT", or maybe "YOU'RE DUMBER THAN A SACK OF HAMMERS". Good thing this isn't slashdot, we're allowed to complain about lack of poll options here

To quote Chief Clancy Wiggum, "Take it outside, godboy"

[Jessterw]

The TRUTH can be found in the sig

[BuddMan]

OMG. The conspiracy has been uncovered. Where's the smoking man that stands in the corner? Where's the smoking man????

[Jessterw]

Didn't he quit smoking?

[mutz]

...guess we have to bury theses SUBtypes in some TRUTH TM MURC style, then they will go away for sure!

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdezs oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

3. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

4. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two helpless protesters to death.

5. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

6. How would you like to be an egg?

You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all....
The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.

7. Little Susie learns the truth:
One afternoon little Susie returns from school, and announces that her friend, Gloria, has told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replies: "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"
"Well... OK..." explains Susie, " the Mummy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thingee sort of stands up, and then Mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies."
Her mum shakes her head, leans over to meet her, eye to eye and says, "Oh, Darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewellery."

8. A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," says the owner.

The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begin following him down the street. This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.

But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He starts to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned.

The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "you have come back for the story?"

"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Republican."

[The PIT]

I reckon this is a plot to stop us posting at murc so the hosts can close it down.

[Technoid]

This is apropriate:

[Agent31]

PIT, I think you're right...

[Paddy]

I miss Kenny and his BBQ...

[RichL]

Originally posted by mutz
...
8. A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," says the owner.

The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begin following him down the street. This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster.

But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He starts to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned.

The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "you have come back for the story?"

"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Republican."

I first heard this one as being an antiques shop in London, and the item was a solid bronze cat.
The punchline is the man returns and asks for a solid bronze Arsenal fan. (Arsenal = London soccer team btw)