Tweet
From James Morrison's site.
(James Morrison is an Australian Jazz multinstrumentalist who boasts never playing 2 songs in a row on the same instrument. He also recorded a big band album playing all instruments by himself. I recommend you listening to him if you have the oppurtunity.)
Q: What do you get when you cross a drummer with a roadie?
A: A dumber roadie
**************
THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER FROM THE PERCUSSIONIST'S PERSPECTIVE
Oh, say can you BOOM, CRASH
By the dawn's early BOOM, CRASH
What so proudly we BOOM, CRASH
At the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright BOOM, CRASH
Through the perilous BOOM, CRASH
O'er the ramparts we BOOM, CRASH
Were so gallantly streaming?
3 &
1...2...3...
2...2...3...
3...2...3..
5...2...3...
6...2...3...
7...2...3...
8...2...Oh,
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
**************
Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a roadie?
A: The roadie can at least count to 2.
**************
A Drummer is feeling sick of being treated with scorn and derision,and decided he desperately needs somes credibility. So he wanders into a shop and proceed to have the following converation with the guy behind the counter:
Drummer: " Err, look - can I have a Fender Strat and a Doc Severenson and ..".
Salesman: "You're a Drummer, aren't you."
Drummer: (feeling deflated) "Yeah - how did you know?"
Salesman: "This is a hardware store."
**************
A group of western tourists are on Safari in the African jungle. The jungle is so thick that they have to travel on foot - and all the time there is the constant
sound of the jungle drums going "Boom! Boom!" across the canopy of the forest.
After half a day of this one of the tourists asks what the drumming means. "Rejoice in that sound" says the guide " for if they ever stop a terrible thing will happen.
" The tourists press the guide for more details but he refuses to say more of this terrible thing - it obviously horrifies him too much to even think about.
Anyway they press on for six days without incident, with the ever present , both day and night, accompaniment of the drums. Until just after dusk on the sixth day when the drums suddenly stopped....
There was an instant of deathly silence - and then the guide becomes
hysterical, beating his head and screaming in fear. The tourists try to calm him down because they want to know what terrible fate awaits them - and in a moment of lucidity he tells them:
" When the drums stop - Double Bass solo..."
**************
A guy walked into a music store and said he wanted to buy one drum stick.
"Yo man," said the assistant, "You lose one?"
"No", said the guy, " I just found one".
**************
What's the difference between a catfish and a drummer?
One's a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other's a fish...
**************
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
**************
Why do drummers have 1/2 ounce more brains than horses?
So they don't disgrace themselves during the parade.
**************
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
**************
What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.
**************
Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
**************
How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
**************
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
**************
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
**************
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So they don't have to retrain the drummers.
**************
How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.
**************
How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
**************
I asked my drummer to spell "Mississippi"...
He said, "the river or the state?"
**************
How do you know if a drummer's platform is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of his mouth.
**************
How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots?
They put drumsticks on the dash.
**************
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change it, and the other four to stand around and talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!
**************
What do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start!! (*read a racist version of this one in Truelly tasteless jokes two by blanche knott involving)
**************
What's the difference between a drummer and Dr. Scholl's foot pads?
Dr. Scholl's foot pads buck up the feet.
**************
In English: How do you know there's a drummer at the door?
Because he doesn't know when to enter.
**************
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
**************
What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
**************
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia question for you), the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
**************
Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys." "Ok," says the first, "you're on."
The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry.
"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What's you're IQ?" "About 100." So THEY chat for a while about baseball, cars, and the various women in the bar.
"Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?"
"About 60."
"What kind of sticks do you use?"
**************
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
**************
How can you make a drummer slow down?
Put a sheet of music in front of him
#2: How can you make that drummer stop?
Put notes on it!
**************
What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"
**************
Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
**************
How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
**************
What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
"Would you like fries with that?"
(James Morrison is an Australian Jazz multinstrumentalist who boasts never playing 2 songs in a row on the same instrument. He also recorded a big band album playing all instruments by himself. I recommend you listening to him if you have the oppurtunity.)
Q: What do you get when you cross a drummer with a roadie?
A: A dumber roadie
**************
THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER FROM THE PERCUSSIONIST'S PERSPECTIVE
Oh, say can you BOOM, CRASH
By the dawn's early BOOM, CRASH
What so proudly we BOOM, CRASH
At the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright BOOM, CRASH
Through the perilous BOOM, CRASH
O'er the ramparts we BOOM, CRASH
Were so gallantly streaming?
3 &
1...2...3...
2...2...3...
3...2...3..
5...2...3...
6...2...3...
7...2...3...
8...2...Oh,
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
**************
Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a roadie?
A: The roadie can at least count to 2.
**************
A Drummer is feeling sick of being treated with scorn and derision,and decided he desperately needs somes credibility. So he wanders into a shop and proceed to have the following converation with the guy behind the counter:
Drummer: " Err, look - can I have a Fender Strat and a Doc Severenson and ..".
Salesman: "You're a Drummer, aren't you."
Drummer: (feeling deflated) "Yeah - how did you know?"
Salesman: "This is a hardware store."
**************
A group of western tourists are on Safari in the African jungle. The jungle is so thick that they have to travel on foot - and all the time there is the constant
sound of the jungle drums going "Boom! Boom!" across the canopy of the forest.
After half a day of this one of the tourists asks what the drumming means. "Rejoice in that sound" says the guide " for if they ever stop a terrible thing will happen.
" The tourists press the guide for more details but he refuses to say more of this terrible thing - it obviously horrifies him too much to even think about.
Anyway they press on for six days without incident, with the ever present , both day and night, accompaniment of the drums. Until just after dusk on the sixth day when the drums suddenly stopped....
There was an instant of deathly silence - and then the guide becomes
hysterical, beating his head and screaming in fear. The tourists try to calm him down because they want to know what terrible fate awaits them - and in a moment of lucidity he tells them:
" When the drums stop - Double Bass solo..."
**************
A guy walked into a music store and said he wanted to buy one drum stick.
"Yo man," said the assistant, "You lose one?"
"No", said the guy, " I just found one".
**************
What's the difference between a catfish and a drummer?
One's a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other's a fish...
**************
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
**************
Why do drummers have 1/2 ounce more brains than horses?
So they don't disgrace themselves during the parade.
**************
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
**************
What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.
**************
Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
**************
How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
**************
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
**************
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
**************
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So they don't have to retrain the drummers.
**************
How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.
**************
How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
**************
I asked my drummer to spell "Mississippi"...
He said, "the river or the state?"
**************
How do you know if a drummer's platform is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of his mouth.
**************
How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots?
They put drumsticks on the dash.
**************
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change it, and the other four to stand around and talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!
**************
What do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start!! (*read a racist version of this one in Truelly tasteless jokes two by blanche knott involving)
**************
What's the difference between a drummer and Dr. Scholl's foot pads?
Dr. Scholl's foot pads buck up the feet.
**************
In English: How do you know there's a drummer at the door?
Because he doesn't know when to enter.
**************
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
**************
What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
**************
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia question for you), the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
**************
Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys." "Ok," says the first, "you're on."
The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry.
"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What's you're IQ?" "About 100." So THEY chat for a while about baseball, cars, and the various women in the bar.
"Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?"
"About 60."
"What kind of sticks do you use?"
**************
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
**************
How can you make a drummer slow down?
Put a sheet of music in front of him
#2: How can you make that drummer stop?
Put notes on it!
**************
What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"
**************
Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
**************
How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
**************
What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
"Would you like fries with that?"