jokes

[Fat Tone]

One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose.
Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went. While walking he met a fair young lady with rather large beautiful breasts. She told him she was lost, and asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my
brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there". The fair young lady said, "How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?"
The farmer said, "I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The young lady said, "Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.



T.

[Fat Tone]

This guy goes out with his buddies for a night on the town and they cap off the festivities by going to a house of ill repute.

A week later, the guy visits his doctor complaining of a large green lump on the end of his p___s.
The doctor does a thorough exam, then pulls down a weighty medical book and flicks through it till he finds what he's looking for. He looks up and says, "I'm afraid this is serious. We'll have to operate!"
"Operate?", exclaims the fellow, "Why, Doc? What's the problem?"
"Well, you know how boxers can get a cauliflower ear? You've developed the same sort of thing. You've got a brothel sprout."

[Pace]

Keep 'em coming Tone

[Paddy]

Oh dear!

[Byock]

hehehe, Nice!

[RhinoZ]

Ha Ha Ha,
The last won broke the office's Monday blahs...
(it killed me too)

[Fat Tone]

David Beckham decides to try horseback riding,
even though he has had no lessons or prior experience.







He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace as Posh stands back in
admiration, but then he begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror he grabs the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get firm grip.
He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, he gives up his frail grasp and he attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety.
Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup,
now he is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves
as his head is struck against the ground over and over.
Posh stands there frantic, unable to do anything to help
as his head is battered against the ground.
He is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to his great fortune.....
















The supermarket's security guard sees him, leans over, and unplugs the horse.

[Paddy]

LMAO