Share your stupid Jokes.....

[LvR]

Subject: The new Euro-English
>
>
> The European Union Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
> English will be the official language of the European Union rather
> than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the
> negotiations, the EU council conceded that English spelling had some
> room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that
> would become known as "Euro-English".
>
> In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
> make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
> favor of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
> one less letter.
>
> There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
> troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
> fotograf 20% shorter.
>
> In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
> to reach the stage where more komplikat ed changes are possible.
> Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
> always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
>
> Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
> is disgrasful and it should go away.
>
> By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
> with "z" and "w" with "v".
>
> During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
> containing "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl
> riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find
> it ezi tu understand ech oza. Drem of a united urop vil finali kum
> tru. Zen ve vil rul ze vorld!!!
>
> If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

[[GDI]Raptor]

Norwegian jokes......

How to get 50 sweeds into a VW Polo:

Throw in 50 Norwegian øre...... (0,3 $)


Why does swedish pepole have the door open to the toilet?

Because then no one can look throug the keyhole...

[Fred H]

Swedish jokes...

#1. Two Norwegian pilots plan to fly to the sun.
-It’ll be a very hot trip.
-Not at all. We’ll fly by night.


#2. Why the birthplace of Jesus wasn’t Norway?
They couldn’t find three wise men there.

Fred H
(...my birthplace is not Sweden...)

[[GDI]Raptor]

Re: Swedish jokes...

Originally posted by Fred H
Two Norwagian pilots plan to fly to the sun.

It's Norwegian......
Sorry, I forgot. Your Swedish

[Fred H]

(...my birthplace is not Sweden...)

Fred H

[Sethos]

What did the mother duck say to the cashier when she bought a tube of lip stick...

(drum roll please...)

"Put it on my bill"

~Sethos

[Byock]

One day a turtle was mugged by 5 snails. When the police asked the turtle what happened, he said....



"I don't know, it all happened so quickly!"

[Fred H]

[Umfriend]

Belgian Joke

One day, a Sabena (Such A Bloody Experience, Never Again!) plane needed to land at Schiphol (the Dutch main airport). The pilots had been told what runway to land on. By the time the plane starts to descend, the co-pilot looks down a bit and says: "Say, isn't that runway a bit on the short side?". The pilot looks and states with full confidence: "Naah, that's just cause we're still high up. It is longer than it appears from here.". The co-pilot is only reassured for a short while and then states: "Well, you're probably right, but still, it seems a bit short to me.". They ask the tower to confirm the runway, and the get it confirmed. Having descended quite a bit, the co-pilot is starting to get worried and says: "Listen bud, that runway is _too_ short. We will not be able to land on that thing. You've got to request for another runway". Pilot: "He, I've handeld shorter runways bfore, it'll be allright, just sit back and enjoy the ride". They are now appraoching the runway, the pilot is sweating and the co-pilot is panicking. As soon as they touch the runway, the brakes go on like hell, the plane ejects a number of emergency brake parachutes, shakes like hell, the noise is terrible, the steering wheel is almost out of control but......they make it. Pilot:"Phew, well, I have to hand it to ya, it was quite a short runway indeed". The co-pilot is looking around with a puzzled look on his face and says:









"But man! Is it _WIDE_, or what?"
Umf

[Paddy]

hehe, those Irish pilots get about!

[Umfriend]

I can state for a fact that they were Belgian because.....


I was told so.
Umf

[ALBPM]

The Complete Military History of France


- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

-Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

-The Dutch War - Tied

-War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

-War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.


-World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

[Fred H]

It's not a joke but it IS stupid...

It's not a joke but it IS stupid...

[GNEP]

This thread's getting rather too close for comfort to "Soap Box" territory!

[Byock]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous
redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its
socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come
to her place for an intimate nightcap...and stay for breakfast the next morning.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been incredible!!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No, she replies......"

(Wait for it...)






(It's coming.............)




(The suspense is killing you........)





"You just happened to catch my eye."