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You have two cows?
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it
back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because youwant three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.
A HINDU CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION: Government hands the COW Corp to a crony tycoon. Crony milks the cows. Corporation goes bust. Government buys cows back for ten billion dollars.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
A POLISH CORPORATION: You obtain two bulls. You are baffled when you get no milk.
A FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Some of the people who like the brown cow best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best cow.
A NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his.
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
AN ISRAELI: You have no cows. Someone took them. You leave and move to another part of the world and claim two cows in a pasture. The owner complains so you take his pasture as well.
A PALESTINIAN: You had two cows. Now you have no cows. Someone took them while you were sleeping.. You search for your cows and find them. You can't get them back so you strap a bomb to your back and try to blow them up.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell a cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the annual report. The public buys your bull.
back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because youwant three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.
A HINDU CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION: Government hands the COW Corp to a crony tycoon. Crony milks the cows. Corporation goes bust. Government buys cows back for ten billion dollars.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
A POLISH CORPORATION: You obtain two bulls. You are baffled when you get no milk.
A FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Some of the people who like the brown cow best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best cow.
A NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his.
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
AN ISRAELI: You have no cows. Someone took them. You leave and move to another part of the world and claim two cows in a pasture. The owner complains so you take his pasture as well.
A PALESTINIAN: You had two cows. Now you have no cows. Someone took them while you were sleeping.. You search for your cows and find them. You can't get them back so you strap a bomb to your back and try to blow them up.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell a cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the annual report. The public buys your bull.
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