Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

...in the beginning, there were the darwin arwards...

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • ...in the beginning, there were the darwin arwards...

    ... and now we have the

    Privacy International
    Stupid Security Contest Winners

    and the nominees are (my picks from the differnet categories, check the winners yourself):

    Last September 2002, I was flying through Heathrow Airport. Just ahead of me in the queue at the hand luggage X-Ray checkpoint was an elderly gentleman of Mediterranean appearance whose bag contained some items of interest to the security staff. (.....) The third item was a dual quarter pound cellophane wrapped cardboard package of loose leaf Chinese tea. Unfortunately, it was of a well known variety known as Gunpowder Tea, and had this printed on the packaging.



    Obviously this was of such importance, that, despite already forcing the passenger to check his hand bag as hold luggage, it was decided that the tea was allowed, but that the evil word "Gunpowder" was not. Consequently the security staff then rummaged around (thereby delaying me and the rest of the queue) and found a plastic bag into which they decanted the fragrant tea leaves, and confiscated the cardboard packaging !

    In late 2001, the Australian Government began a domestic publicity campaign intended to educate citizens about risks to national security introduced by terrorism. This is despite the fact that, to date, there are no proven instances of any terrorist activity whatsoever targeted at Australia.

    The campaign included the introduction of a toll-free number which Australians can call to report instances of "suspicious" activity to a call centre in Australia's capital. No suggestions have been provided to help Australians determine what, exactly, constitutes "suspicious activity". As a result, the campaign has been confusing to the Australian population, who have steadfastly refused to take it seriously.

    More recently, the federal Government sent an information package to every home in Australia which contained a booklet and (wait for it!) a refrigerator magnet on the theme of suspicious activity to remind everyone about the toll-free number. Political leaders in most State Governments laughed it off, and recommended that their citizens write "return to sender" on the package, or stuff it unopened into a new envelope addressed to the Prime Minister (without a stamp).

    Shortly after Richard Reid's attempt to light his shoes, I boarded a flight from San Francisco to London on British Airways.Travelling alone, I was singled out by the computer for further inspection. The polite inspector informed me that he had to check my shoes for explosives.I dutifully removed them and handed them to him. He picked them up one by one and slammed them down on the floor with full force.

    Apparently, as they hadn't exploded, they were not dangerous, and he handed them back to me to put back on.

    Let this be a warning to future terrorists. Your explosive shoes may go off in the crowded departure lounge instead of on board the plane.

    The incident began at Philadelphia International Airport around 12:45 a.m. EST, when the 22-year-old man arrived at a security checkpoint while trying to make a flight to Saudi Arabia after a day of travel problems spawned by a major snowstorm.

    The student's visa was fine, the FBI said later. But airport security asked him about a container of liquid in his luggage. While trying to show that the container was a bottle of cologne, the man inadvertently sprayed its aromatic contents on two airport security guards, officials said.

    "First he sprayed himself," said FBI special agent Linda Vizi. "It was merely to demonstrate that he had cologne."

    But the action prompted airport security to issue a code-red hazardous materials alert, which brought FBI agents, city police officers and hazardous materials specialists from the Philadelphia Fire Department rushing to the site.

    Fearing the cologne could be a harmful biological or chemical agent, authorities sent the two guards to a nearby hospital, which quarantined its emergency room for three hours until what hospital officials referred to as "the unknown substance" could be identified as cologne.

    Two city police officers, who also came into contact with the cologne while examining its container, later went off to a doughnut shop and a 24-hour Rite Aid pharmacy in Philadelphia, officials said. When authorities found out, they ordered both stores shut for 45 minutes until the analysis was complete.

    The Saudi student, whom authorities did not identify, was questioned by the FBI and released without charges.

    "We were able to verify his status, and the fire department was able to verify that what he had was cologne," Vizi said.

    My mother and I went to visit my son in a new prison facility in Carson City. I was denied visitation because I was wearing a tank top under my clothing rather than the pre-requisite bra. I am told women must wear bras for security reasons. Not sure whom this is supposed to protect. I sat outdoors for 45 minutes unable to visit as a result. I was informed by the shift commander that I require a doctor's slip stating there is a medical reason for not wearing one which can then be added to my visitor information.
    In March 2020 we rebuilt our website. Some links got broken, and some content didn't make it over. We are very sorry about that and are working to bring content back online. There are a few options for you:


    mfg
    wulfman
    "Perhaps they communicate by changing colour? Like those sea creatures .."
    "Lobsters?"
    "Really? I didn't know they did that."
    "Oh yes, red means help!"

  • #2
    OMG!

    LMAO!
    _____________________________
    BOINC stats

    Comment


    • #3
      Here's one for you.

      My GRANDMOTHER, who is a danger only to the passengers of her car... was boarding a plane in Rhode Island at T.F. Greene airport.

      She was pulled out of line for "random search". Meanwhile, two young arab gentlement approached the "extra security" checkpoint.

      Well, she sets up a fuss, especially when they start confiscating her personal grooming items (heaven forbid she have nail clippers on the plane!). If you've ever met my grandmother, you'd understand.

      Anyway, she raised SUCH a fuss, that ALL the extra security guards had to come over... and the arab fellas just strolled down to the waiting area, no security check at all.

      Nothing came of it, of course. But it illustrates the problem with "random sampling" of airline passengers. Old white ladies do not use nail clippers to hijack airliners. Young arab men MIGHT do so, especially with the contents of unchecked knapsacks.

      I know profiling is an evil word in this day and age, but people ought to suck it up and cope.

      - Gurm
      The Internet - where men are men, women are men, and teenage girls are FBI agents!

      I'm the least you could do
      If only life were as easy as you
      I'm the least you could do, oh yeah
      If only life were as easy as you
      I would still get screwed

      Comment


      • #4
        Goes to show these fellows should have IQ tests and LOTS of training before being allowed to do this job. IQ below 120 not acceptable, and condidates must go though training and testing on their knowledge for at least three months and then work under a more experienced person for another three months before being trusted to make these decisions. And if they show any sensitivity to political correctness, that should be grounds for instantaneous dismissal.

        Comment


        • #5
          LOL @ Kv

          sounds good, but as I understand it's a problem getting enough staff just to deal with normal checks....increase the IQ requirement may see you with a huge deficit in the required number people.

          Its not exactly a high paid and intellectually stimulating Job.

          As to Grannies highjacking planes, they might not do it, but they could be used to get the weapons onboard...Its an impossible situation for the smartest and most dedicated to deal with, and when monkeyies are doing the work it is starting to get commical.

          Been reading some snopes..etc sites and fou8nd some beauties.

          1. A Security Guard testing a shoe to see if it had expolosives by throwing on the ground...doh

          2. Old Us VET who had a congressional medal in his pocket..stop and searched because they thought it was an offensive weapon...

          3. A student showing the guard the bottle of clear liquid he was carrying was cologne by spraying it on himself and the guard....They closed the section for 45minutes. When the Guards went off duty (before testing was complete) They went shopping ...2 department stores closed for 80 minutes or so...

          I have rambled...

          Comment


          • #6
            Higher IQ doesn't always mean a higher level of common sense.

            My 60 year mother got pulled over becuase she was bright red in her face.
            Chief Lemon Buyer no more Linux sucks but not as much
            Weather nut and sad git.

            My Weather Page

            Comment


            • #7
              More less fit this picture, this really happened a couple of (well, probabely 10 or so) years ago, in my home town.

              During winter, the still water in a public park was frozen. Police officers were to investigate whether or not the ice was safe for people to walk on (if not, there would need to be some warning indication). So they were standing there, by the side of the ice, contemplating what they could do. Suddenly, in a stroke of sheer geniusness , the got back in their car, and drove slowly towards the ice. The idea was as simple as it was stupid: "if the ice holds the car, it is safe to walk on". Needless to say that after a couple of metres, the ice below the front wheels of the car collapsed... and the police departement had one less car, and two freezing officers...


              Jörg
              pixar
              Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow. (James Dean)

              Comment


              • #8
                I wear a pacemaker and am forbidden to go near a metal detector, which should mean a thorough manual frisk at an airport. I have come across the following situations:

                1. I announce to a security officer that I have a pacemaker: (s)he indicates to me the way to go to avoid the detector, usually a special door or simply round a moveable barrier. I get to the other side and I'm told to move on, without any search. This has happened in the USA, several European and Asian countries.

                2. Many security guards are afraid to be accused of sexual harrassment. They will frisk you from the waist up and the knees down. This happens everywhere.

                3. Only once in an estimated 500 flights has a security officer required physical proof of the pacemaker. Perhaps half-a-dozen times I've been asked for the medical certificate and only on on of these occasions was the name checked against my passport.

                4. The best one was when I placed my hand baggage on the X-ray conveyor and then announced myself. The safe way through was behind the guy sitting beside the X-ray machine. He was staring at two screens which were not even switched on This happened in a small Asian airport.

                5. In a Canadian airport, I was reasonably frisked by a beautiful young lady, who asked me whether I would mind if she frisked my derrière. Who was I to refuse such an invitation? My approval raised a howl of laughter from her colleague on the X-ray machine and, as I was alone with these two girls at that moment, we stopped to chat. I had in my hand baggage two cans containing a plush toy husky and moose, for my grandchildren. The girl behind the machine was obviously bursting with curiosity and asked me what was in the cans, possibly thinking I was exporting tinned soup or something. I replied simply, "Moose and Dog". She did a double-take, obviously thinking that I had real moose and dog flesh in the cans.

                I can swear that all the above are the truth.
                Brian (the devil incarnate)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Brian Ellis
                  I wear a pacemaker and am forbidden to go near a metal detector, which should mean a thorough manual frisk at an airport. I have come across the following situations:

                  1. I announce to a security officer that I have a pacemaker: (s)he indicates to me the way to go to avoid the detector, usually a special door or simply round a moveable barrier. I get to the other side and I'm told to move on, without any search. This has happened in the USA, several European and Asian countries.

                  2. Many security guards are afraid to be accused of sexual harrassment. They will frisk you from the waist up and the knees down. This happens everywhere.

                  3. Only once in an estimated 500 flights has a security officer required physical proof of the pacemaker. Perhaps half-a-dozen times I've been asked for the medical certificate and only on on of these occasions was the name checked against my passport.

                  4. The best one was when I placed my hand baggage on the X-ray conveyor and then announced myself. The safe way through was behind the guy sitting beside the X-ray machine. He was staring at two screens which were not even switched on This happened in a small Asian airport.

                  5. In a Canadian airport, I was reasonably frisked by a beautiful young lady, who asked me whether I would mind if she frisked my derrière. Who was I to refuse such an invitation? My approval raised a howl of laughter from her colleague on the X-ray machine and, as I was alone with these two girls at that moment, we stopped to chat. I had in my hand baggage two cans containing a plush toy husky and moose, for my grandchildren. The girl behind the machine was obviously bursting with curiosity and asked me what was in the cans, possibly thinking I was exporting tinned soup or something. I replied simply, "Moose and Dog". She did a double-take, obviously thinking that I had real moose and dog flesh in the cans.

                  I can swear that all the above are the truth.
                  This reminds me of the beginning of the movie Snatch, where Frankie Four Fingers pretends to be a rabbi and sets off the metal detector. When they use the wand on him it beeps near his privates and he says "you want I should drop my pants?" to which the guard hurriedly lets him pass. Of course he had a bunch of guns in there with which his other fake rabbi friends and he robbed the diamond exchange.

                  I only hope that when some young wild-eyed arabian man says he has a pacemaker, the idiot guard questions it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Marshmallowman
                    LOL @ Kv

                    sounds good, but as I understand it's a problem getting enough staff just to deal with normal checks....increase the IQ requirement may see you with a huge deficit in the required number people.

                    Its not exactly a high paid and intellectually stimulating Job.

                    As to Grannies highjacking planes, they might not do it, but they could be used to get the weapons onboard...Its an impossible situation for the smartest and most dedicated to deal with, and when monkeyies are doing the work it is starting to get commical.

                    Been reading some snopes..etc sites and fou8nd some beauties.

                    1. A Security Guard testing a shoe to see if it had expolosives by throwing on the ground...doh

                    2. Old Us VET who had a congressional medal in his pocket..stop and searched because they thought it was an offensive weapon...

                    3. A student showing the guard the bottle of clear liquid he was carrying was cologne by spraying it on himself and the guard....They closed the section for 45minutes. When the Guards went off duty (before testing was complete) They went shopping ...2 department stores closed for 80 minutes or so...

                    I have rambled...
                    um, you'd be surprised how many intelligent people need a good job. Not everyone can afford college. Those positions should be decently paid as well, since a lot of lives depend on them.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      here is one for fun...

                      a freind of mine got cought for driving with out a drivers licence (normal for us here... but he was underage... err.. even then its normal but it just wasnt his day) they had him in the interogation room... (just becuse there wasnt enugh room in the cells that night) any way after soem time they bring in this poor felow who was cought steeling a car.... in acordance with tradition they started interogating him and then they took hiss shoos off and started beeting the botom of his feet with a bamboo stik to g et a confetion out of him.... the other officers whent off for lunch or something and there was just one officer left in that room with my freind and the thife.... well sufice to say that after some encouragment from my freind the offisor uncufed him and asked him to help him out..... later they shared a sigaret and he let him go.........

                      and for those of you wondering ... yes it DOSE get wierder than that here......
                      "They say that dreams are real only as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same thing about life?"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Police Brutality dreadful.
                        Chief Lemon Buyer no more Linux sucks but not as much
                        Weather nut and sad git.

                        My Weather Page

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Bleah.

                          Yeah there are a lot of urban legends.

                          The problem is not the intelligence of the guards, or the lack thereof. It is that they are REQUIRED to stop random people. Period. End of story.

                          **** that.

                          Let's racially profile. Stop the arab-looking types. I'd rather offend a few decent law-abiding dark-skinned fellas than let the few freakies crash more planes.

                          And I'd think they'd be GLAD you're frisking them. They all know that they fit a racial demographic that is currently dangerous. Just be polite yet firm.

                          - Gurm
                          The Internet - where men are men, women are men, and teenage girls are FBI agents!

                          I'm the least you could do
                          If only life were as easy as you
                          I'm the least you could do, oh yeah
                          If only life were as easy as you
                          I would still get screwed

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            What they need are customs officers to check the passengers. Ever wonder why they seem to catch the druggies in the green channel? They are trained to look for any of the 101 signs of stress on a person - and they can detect the difference between the stress of an innocent person hoping they won't be stopped and the guilty guy. I'm sure that if a half dozen such guys were dotted around the departures channels of an airport (on top of the ordinary security, of course), they could pick out those with a ugly secret in their heads.
                            Brian (the devil incarnate)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Gurm, wasnt the shoebomber white?

                              With regards to your granny....

                              A common tactic here during the war was for a gunman to 'do his business', and offload his weapon with a girl or woman with a pram.... The baby would still be in it... you cant just say - 'lets frisk all darkies' - apart from being racist - you also have to consider that most hijackers wont carry their own weapon on board, rather it will be planted.... on an innocent passenger, or useing the old 1/2 or indeed by groundcrew....

                              RedRed
                              Dont just swallow the blue pill.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X