Joke of the spur of the moment

[Helevitia]

This man is standing in line to buy train tickets. While he is waiting he notices the woman in front of him has huge breasts. He can't help but look at them.

He finally get to the window and says, "I'll have two pickets to titsburgh please". DOH! He felt really embarrased.

The guy behind him hears this and replies, "No worries, Everyone has Freudian slips every now and then". he then proceeds to say, "Just the other night I was having dinner with my wife and I meant to say, Honey, please pass me the salt". "Instead I said, You f u cking bitch, you ruined my life!"

[SitFlyer]

ROTFLMAO

[Brian Ellis]

Not spur of the moment, but one that was told to me yesterday:

A blonde was driving along a country road in her station wagon and was suddenly confronted by a shepherd with his flock. She screamed to a halt, got out of the car and said to the shepherd, "If I tell you how many sheep are in the flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd, humouring this obviously townie gal said OK.

She quickly glanced over the flock and said, "423".

The shepherd, visibly impressed, replied, "You are dead right. Which sheep will you take?"

She opened up the tailgate of the car, looked around, picked up an animal and started to push it in.

The shepherd walked up to her and asked, "If I offered you two sheep, would you give me my dog back?"

[Sethos]

Ok here ya go...

Two blonds are sitting right next to a pond with their lines in the water... a police officer walks up and says "Ya know it's illegal to fish in this area."

they pull up their lines to show that they have magnets on the end of their lines and say

"We're just trying to clean up the pond of some junk officer..."

He looks at them, and then walks away...when he's out of ear shot the blonds start to laugh...then one turns to the other and says "That stupid officer...hasn't he ever heard of a steel head?"

and laugh more...

~Sethos

[Jammrock]

On day a wife walks up to her husband and decides to start one of "those" conversations. She asks, "If I died tomorrow, would you remarry?"

The husband thinks about it for a second, then replies, "well, the kids are still kind of young, and I think they deserve a mommy, so I guess I would."

The wife gets a little flustered at the quick reply and continues, "would you sleep our bed with her, or get a new one."

"We have a really nice, $2000 bed. It would be a waste to throw it out, so I think I'd keep it."

The wife starts to get a little upset now, "would you let her wear my clothes, or pack them away in the attic to remember me by?"

"Honey, you have REALLY nice clothes. It would be a huge waste to let them sit in the attic."

"What about my jewlery?"

"I think that whatever our daughter doesn't want would be fine for a new wife to wear."

The wife is really ticked now, "would you let her use my golfs club, too?!"

"Oh, of course not honey, she's left-handed."

Jammrock

[GT98]

If I owned a Rooster and you owned a donkey and the donkey came over and ate the feet off my rooster....what would u say?

I have two feet of your cock in my ass