a joke

[az]

A priest decides to take a walk to the
pier near his church. He looks
around and finally stops to watch a
fisherman load his boat. The fisherman
notices, and asks the priest if he
would like to join him for a couple of
hours. The priest agrees.

The fisherman asks if the priest has
ever fished before, to which the
priest says no. He baits the hook for
him and says, "Give it a shot
father". After a few minutes, the
priest hooks a big fish and struggles
to get it in the boat.

The fisherman says "Whoa, what a big
sonofabitch!"
Priest: "Uh, please sir, can you mind
your language?"
Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY) "I'm
sorry father, but that's what this fish
is called - a sonofabitch!"
Priest:"Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know."

After the trip, the priest brings the
fish to the church and spots the
bishop.
Priest: "Eminence, look at this big
sonofabitch!"
Bishop: "Please Father, mind your
language, this is a house of God."
Priest: "No, you don't understand -
that's what this fish is called, and I
caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!"
Bishop: "Hmmm. You know, I could clean
this sonofabitch and we could have
it for dinner."
So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans
it, and brings it to Mother
Superior at the convent.

Bishop: "Mother Superior could you cook
this sonofabitch for dinner tonight?"
Mother Superior: "My lord, what language!"
Bishop: "No, Sister, that's what the
fish is called - a sonofabitch!
Father caught it, I cleaned it, and
we'd like you to cook it."
Mother Superior: "Hmmm. Yes, I'll cook
that sonofabitch tonight."

Well, the Pope stops by for dinner with
the three of them, and they all
think the fish is great. He asks where
they got it.
Priest: "I caught the sonofabitch!"
Bishop: "And I cleaned the
sonofabitch!"
Mother Superior: And I cooked the
sonofabitch!"
The Pope stares at them for a minute
with a steely gaze, but then takes off
his hat, puts his feet up on the table,
and says, "You know, you ****ers
are all right".

AZ

[LvR]

[M|x]

[Brian Ellis]

Reminds me of one told me by a minister of the Scots Kirk:

Jock McTavish was just about to have his tea when there was a knock at the door. It was the minister making his pastoral rounds. Mrs McTavish invited him to join them for tea and asked "wu'd ye be havin an egg to your tea", which he accepted. After the blessing was said, the minister sliced the top off his boiled egg, when a fly landed on it. Jock took his muckle hand and waved it over the egg and cried, "F*** off, you wee bastard!". The minister was a little nonplussed and said, "Now, now, my guid man, ye've only got to wave your hand and the wee bastard will f*** off, all by hissel!"

[Brian Ellis]

Another one, told me by the same minister:

The Rev. Andrew Macallister, who had a typical Celtic complexion, dark with black hair, took to himself a beautiful blonde bride. His was the firm belief that sexual intercourse was only for the procreation of the species and should not be used for pleasure. After six years of marriage, they were blessed with the arrival of a beautiful 3 kg bundle but, to his consternation, it had bright ginger hair. Marital rows ensued with all sorts of accusations that his wife had been unfaithful and would be cast into the darkest, hottest regions of hell. She vehemently denied this and suggested they see Dr Mackenzie to discuss the matter. When confronted with the problem, the astute doctor asked them how often they had sexual intercourse. The Minister replied, "Och, Doctor, ye ken that it's a great sin to bed one's wife unless it's to make a bairn. Let's see, Catriona, was it the third or fourth time since our marriage?". The doctor immediately responded, "Aye, Reverend, it's clear why your bairn has red hair, there was rust in the system!".