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People and their drinks

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  • People and their drinks

    A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered?

    Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

    The results:

    If Women Drink ...


    Beer

    Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.

    Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

    Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
    Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.

    Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

    Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda
    Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants

    Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

    Water
    Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.

    Approach: Don't.



    Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)

    Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.

    Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.



    Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc.

    Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.

    Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.



    Cape Velvet

    Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.

    Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.



    Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)

    Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.

    Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......













    IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

    Cider

    He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

    Cheap Domestic Beer

    He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

    Castle Lager Beer

    He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

    Imported Beer

    He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

    Guinness

    The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

    Water

    He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

    Wine

    He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

    Vodka or Brandy

    Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

    Port

    Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

    Whisky

    He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

    Jack Daniels

    Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

    Rum or Tequila

    Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

    Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc

    He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.
    Lawrence

  • #2
    That's funny

    Comment


    • #3
      I just like changing my drink just to annoy the bartender.

      Chief Lemon Buyer no more Linux sucks but not as much
      Weather nut and sad git.

      My Weather Page

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      • #4
        HAHA!
        "I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."

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        • #5
          ROFL
          If there's artificial intelligence, there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.

          Jeremy Clarkson "806 brake horsepower..and that on that limp wrist faerie liquid the Americans call petrol, if you run it on the more explosive jungle juice we have in Europe you'd be getting 850 brake horsepower..."

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          • #6
            Makes me laugh...
            --Insert something here--

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            • #7
              What if you like Castle Lager with a 151 proof Rum chaser?

              Dr. Mordrid
              Dr. Mordrid
              ----------------------------
              An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

              I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

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              • #8
                What if you don't drink at all at the bar?

                Excludes the usual black tie, suit and shades naturally. Oh, and the lack of the smile.

                J1NG

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by J1NG
                  What if you don't drink at all at the bar?
                  1. Cheap. Hopeless. Not even the slightest chance of getting laid.

                  2. In recovery. Has to wait several months before getting laid.

                  Paul

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                  • #10
                    Re: People and their drinks

                    Originally posted by LvR
                    Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
                    Sigh. Now that's the girl I'll someday marry. I like 'em high maintenance, surly, and with daddy issues out the wazoo.

                    Paul

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by J1NG
                      What if you don't drink at all at the bar?
                      Hey - dont blame us if you cant get it up.
                      Lawrence

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Dr Mordrid
                        What if you like Castle Lager with a 151 proof Rum chaser?

                        Dr. Mordrid
                        Secretly Bulemic.. but doesn't want to stick a finger down his throat.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Re: People and their drinks

                          Originally posted by paulcs
                          Sigh. Now that's the girl I'll someday marry. I like 'em high maintenance, surly, and with daddy issues out the wazoo.

                          Paul
                          I'll set u up with my ex
                          Why is it called tourist season, if we can't shoot at them?

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                          • #14
                            I think that about sums up the position of a monk.

                            J1NG

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                            • #15
                              Secretly Bulemic.. but doesn't want to stick a finger down his throat.
                              ROFL
                              The Welsh support two teams when it comes to rugby. Wales of course, and anyone else playing England

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