Hedonism-not the way to go after all?

[lecter]

Pretty much all my life I've gotten happiness from the little pleasures of daily life. A non-believer in all that "strive for ages to achieve true happiness" stuff, I tried to fill my existence with intelectually&physically stimulating pleasures.

Now, still at a very young age, I'm starting to see the drawbacks of this existence. True, those moments of pleasure I get each day are great, but the gaps between them (while not fewer or more than before) are becoming more apparent and are acting more violently on my mind. Should I reconsider this philosophy before this pleasure-addiction ruins every other moment of my life? Should I start building step by step towards greater and longer-lasting satisfaction or would that be just a silly twist to the above-mentioned cases and in reality just an illusion?

While hedonism in even its intellectual forms has been considered "philosophy for pigs", I can't disconsider what it has brought me in the long run: true love, friends that I care about very much, professional satisfaction...So is it that bad? It's only recently that the happy moments in each day have been overshadowed and I've gone to sleep with dark thoughts in my head. And I still have a lot of days in which I regard life with unrestricted joy. So how is it possible then that silly everyday occurances (a bad frame while bowling, people who I don't appreciate seeing around me, etc.) can start chain reactions of depression which last for hours and in which I ultimately question the point of every single thing i've ever "achieved".

Another puzzling thing is the series of clashes that go on inside me: yes, I am extremely egotistical, but I try my best to help anyone that requests my assistance. I am a generally calm man, but I when I do blow my top, it goes sky-high...and such occasions have come a bit too frequently for my taste lately. Yes, I regard any achievement with the selfish pride one feels for one's own work, only to question it entirely when my mood swings the other way.

So, after this pointlessly abstract 3:30 AM tirade, what sez you, fellow Murcers? Should this cannibal start looking into other paths to follow in personal skull development, or will this ancient "Fish, chips&tits" direction suffice?

[stcynic]

I do not have answers to the deep questions you pose. But I will ask the following practical question. Have there been changes in your health lately? Are you getting less exercise? Eating differently? Taking some sort of medication for an illness? There are any number of physical things that can affect your mood negatively. Some come typically with ageing or different phases of your life which might be why it is just now happening. So do a moderately thorough analysis of your life along these lines to eliminate health and environment as reasons for mood changes.

[J1NG]

Why don't you tell us Lecter?

You already have the answers that you are seeking.

J1NG

[az]

While I can't offer any help, I'm often feeling as confused as you do, and can't figure out the clashes inside me. I guess it's part of growing up (which we ideally do all our lives). Maybe we should go see a good shrink, though.. shouldn't hurt even if it wouldn't help.

AZ

[mutz]

Dunno lecter, sounds like you've got a case of the law of reverse effect. The harder you seek something the farther away it goes. The moment you give up the search, you find it sitting in your lap.

How can happiness be achieved? How is long-term sacrifice and grunt going to make you happy unless you are a masochist? Why do you measure your life on somebody else's dillusions of happiness somewhere out there in the future? What's wrong with being egotistical and flipping out from time to time? What's wrong with putting everything in question and having dark thoughts on occasion? How are you going to know anything about yourself and life if you haven't experienced all aspects of both? If you have love, friends and professional satisfaction you are richer than most people in the world. Have you forgotten to be grateful for the very fact of your being and all that has ever happened to you? Why on earth would you want to "develop" your skull? Isn't that what is happening every moment of your life without even asking for it? Have you ever considered allowing life and your own inner being to carry you wherever it is that you need to go? Isn't that what is going to happen no matter how hard you try to resist because that is what you were born for in the first place?

You're doing fine Jack, why do you want to complicate things? Feel the need to suffer or something? Go for a walk, get some air, lighten up and live whatever the moment brings. All that other stuff will only get you cancer at 37 and a heart attack at 46. That's what you get if you try to be something other that what you are. There is absolutely nothing easier that just being yourself whatever that may be because you are already that, and it will never be the same from day to day. If it is the same every day, go out and buy yourself a coffin 'cause you are already dead and just didn't notice 'cause everything was so unbelievably boring and your head was all full of all kinds of garbage about what you should have been doing but it is already to late 'cause you are dead. Get the point?

[KvHagedorn]

Manic depression, most likely.

At least you had fun while you were sane.. be grateful.

[lecter]

Thanks, guys, I really appreciate the replies...I guess I'll just carry on like before and see where it takes me

[UtwigMU]

It's cool, it's just Romanian temper that you sometimes need to control.

Just walk the line between masochistical monkhood and carpe diem.