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  • #1

    Horror story...

    Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club.

    It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing.

    Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only
    broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin.

    Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......


    BUMP........





    BUMP........







    BUMP........







    Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving
    rain,
    he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.





    BUMP........






    BUMP........







    BUMP........







    He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached
    from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin.



    Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.










    BUMP........










    BUMP........










    BUMP........











    He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........












    BUMP........BUMP......









    BUMP........BUMP......











    BUMP........BUMP......











    The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard
    the coffin speed up after him......











    BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...











    BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...












    BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...









    He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......










    BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.








    BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....










    BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP....










    Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only
    seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, his
    hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the
    front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into
    his comfy chair.



    Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the
    front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing
    the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....








    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...









    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...











    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...












    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...











    In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take
    him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........









    BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...










    BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...











    BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...





    The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched
    itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew
    off its hinges.....

    The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young
    terrified lad.











    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...













    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...








    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...









    In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom
    cabinet......

    He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the
    coffin.......still it came ........











    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...










    He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ........still it
    came......








    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...











    He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it came......









    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...












    He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........









    The coffin stopped.





    ************************************************** **
    FT.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    OMG.

    "I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."

    Comment

    • #3
      Ho Ho Ho...
      DM says: Crunch with Matrox Users@ClimatePrediction.net

      Comment

      • #4
        urghhhh
        If there's artificial intelligence, there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.

        Jeremy Clarkson "806 brake horsepower..and that on that limp wrist faerie liquid the Americans call petrol, if you run it on the more explosive jungle juice we have in Europe you'd be getting 850 brake horsepower..."

        Comment

        • #5


          AZ
          There's an Opera in my macbook.

          Comment

          • #6
            ....
            I don't get it...

            Comment

            • #7
              Is this some weird British thing?
              Gigabyte P35-DS3L with a Q6600, 2GB Kingston HyperX (after *3* bad pairs of Crucial Ballistix 1066), Galaxy 8800GT 512MB, SB X-Fi, some drives, and a Dell 2005fpw. Running WinXP.

              Comment

              • #8
                Its an accent thing, coffin, and coughing have very similar pronunciation.
                Juu nin to iro


                English doesn't borrow from other languages. It follows them down dark alleys, knocks them over, and goes through their pockets for loose grammar.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Originally posted by Wombat
                  Is this some weird British thing?
                  What? Bad jokes? Yup, most definitely and proud of it
                  DM says: Crunch with Matrox Users@ClimatePrediction.net

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Yeah, well I'm gonna build my own lunar space lander! With blackjack aaaaannd Hookers! Actually, forget the space lander, and the blackjack. Ahhhh forget the whole thing!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      The significance of the picture may be lost on those not of English mother-tongue. This kind of joke is called a shaggy dog story. Don't ask me why.

                      Oxford:
                      shaggy // adj. (shaggier, shaggiest)
                      1 hairy, rough-haired.
                      2 unkempt.
                      3 (of the hair) coarse and abundant.
                      4 Biol. having a hairlike covering.
                      shaggy-dog story a long rambling story amusing only by its being inconsequential.
                      Last edited by Brian Ellis; 29 October 2003, 02:33.
                      Brian (the devil incarnate)

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        eh... we have things to this effect too here in leb.... one of them runnes for the full lenghth of 20min... lots of suspens and a rushed irelevent ending
                        "They say that dreams are real only as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same thing about life?"

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          The longest one I ever heard was "The Tis Bottle." My science teacher spent an entire 50 minute class period telling us that one.

                          Kevin

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                          • #14
                            Wow. that was...time i could have spent reading another thread. :-P

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              It's not really a shaggy dog story...just a joke with a real groaner of an ending!

                              Well worth the time in my opinion

                              T.
                              FT.

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