For UK MURCers

[Brian Ellis]

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!" Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.

After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, "Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit."

[Umfriend]

ROFL

What is a Scouser?

[Drizzt]

A Scottish (someone form Scotland, as I don't know it "Scottish" is correct)

[Sasq]

You realise of course, that being an Australian, if you bought me a Fosters I would be forced to hurt you.

[DentyCracker]

A scouser is someone from Liverpool

[Brian Ellis]

A Scouser is not a Scotsman, it's a Liverpudlian. The Beatles were Scousers.

Origin (legend): a lot of Irish labourers emigrated to Liverpool and were desperately poor. The only "meat" they could afford to eat was lobster, fished from polluted Mersey waters, which was considered as too dangerous to eat by most people and were mostly just thrown away. They made a stew of them which was called lobscouse, probably a corruption of lobsterstew. These guys were then called Scousers because they ate lobscouse or, more commonly, just Scouse. It was then gradually applied to all Liverpudlians.

Origin (fact): corruption of the Dutch lapskous, meaning a sailor's meat stew with ship's biscuits: Liverpool was the most important English port and many Dutch sailors arrived there: the rest above is fact.

The word Scouse is also used for the Liverpudlian dialect, which is unique.

[GNEP]

LOL

[Umfriend]

And them there are some saying there is such thing as a Dutch cuisine!

[Brian Ellis]

Originally posted by Drizzt
A Scottish (someone form Scotland, as I don't know it "Scottish" is correct)

An inhabitant of Scotland is a Scot or Scots(wo)man.

Scottish is an adjective describing anything that comes from Scotland, including the people, but must qualify a noun

Scotch is an older adjective and is offensive except when applied to broth, cap, catch (in music), egg (hardboiled egg encased in sausage meat and fried), kale, mist (a very damp, drizzling mist, common in E. Scotland), pebble (semi-precious cairngorm), snap (in music), tape (3M's trade name) and, of course, whisky without an 'e'.

There is nothing which will make a Scotsman more angry than "Are you Scotch?"; he is likely to take his claidheamh mór (English claymore) and lop your head off in one easy stroke!

[UtwigMU]

What really pisses off Aussies in a pub (tried it) is turning to them, raising a glass and toasting saying: "God, save the Queen."

I guess they're really not that fond of monarchy.

[TransformX]

Originally posted by UtwigMU
What really pisses off Aussies in a pub (tried it) is turning to them, raising a glass and toasting saying: "God, save the Queen."

I guess they're really not that fond of monarchy.

Try that in Scotland...

[Fat Tone]

George Bush and the Queen were chatting.

GB: You know Liz, I think America should be a Monarchy

QE2: Well, to be a Monarchy, you'd need a Monarch, and you aren't one, are you?

GB: No Maam. Perhaps we could be an Empire?

QE2: Well, to be an Empire, you'd need an Emperor, and you aren't one, are you?

GB: No Maam. Perhaps we should be an Principality?

QE2: Well, to be a Principality, you'd need a Prince, and you aren't one, are you?

GB: No Maam. What would you suggest?






...







QE2: You should stay just as you are....a country.

[az]

G.W.Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, Now Georgie, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you. She calls Tony Blair in and asks, Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it? Tony Blair replies, It's me!

So G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says, Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it? And Cheney says, Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you.So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it? And Colin Powell says, oh that's easy: It's me!

So Cheney calls Bush and says, It's Colin Powell. And Bush says, No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!

AZ

[KvHagedorn]

Originally posted by Fat Tone
George Bush and the Queen were chatting.

GB: You know Liz, I think America should be a Monarchy

QE2: Well, to be a Monarchy, you'd need a Monarch, and you aren't one, are you?

GB: No Maam. Perhaps we could be an Empire?

QE2: Well, to be an Empire, you'd need an Emperor, and you aren't one, are you?

GB: No Maam. Perhaps we should be an Principality?

QE2: Well, to be a Principality, you'd need a Prince, and you aren't one, are you?

GB: No Maam. What would you suggest?






...







QE2: You should stay just as you are....a country.

That's stupid.. GWB is no more a Count than he is a King, Prince, or Emperor.

[Chrono_Wanderer]

ROFLMAO@AZ!!!!

You made my day