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The ultimate Univeristy application form...
Ultimate University Application Form
I am a dynamic figure,often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.
I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks
making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees,
I write award-winning operas,I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing,
I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed,
and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water,
I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin
from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I play bluegrass cello,I was scouted by Juventus,
I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
When I'm bored,I build large suspension bridges in my shed.
I enjoy urban hang gliding.
On Wednesdays, after school,
I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire.
I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.
Last summer I toured Burkino Faso with a traveling
centrifugal-force demonstration.
I bat 400.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame
in international botany circles.
Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost,Moby Dick,and David Copperfield in one day
and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I chant Latin whilst working casually as a freelance ambassador.
I perform short operas in the street to raise money for
injured stunt dolphins,and regularly powerlift garden
furniture for an entire afternoon.
I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on holiday in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group
of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam,I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using
only a pot noodle and a small spoon.
I breed prize winning clams.
I have won bullfights in San Juan,
cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka,
and spelling awards at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet,
I have performed open-heart surgery,
and I have spoken to Elvis.
But I have not yet been to college.
Ultimate University Application Form
I am a dynamic figure,often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.
I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks
making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees,
I write award-winning operas,I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing,
I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed,
and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water,
I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin
from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I play bluegrass cello,I was scouted by Juventus,
I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
When I'm bored,I build large suspension bridges in my shed.
I enjoy urban hang gliding.
On Wednesdays, after school,
I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire.
I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.
Last summer I toured Burkino Faso with a traveling
centrifugal-force demonstration.
I bat 400.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame
in international botany circles.
Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost,Moby Dick,and David Copperfield in one day
and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I chant Latin whilst working casually as a freelance ambassador.
I perform short operas in the street to raise money for
injured stunt dolphins,and regularly powerlift garden
furniture for an entire afternoon.
I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on holiday in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group
of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam,I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using
only a pot noodle and a small spoon.
I breed prize winning clams.
I have won bullfights in San Juan,
cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka,
and spelling awards at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet,
I have performed open-heart surgery,
and I have spoken to Elvis.
But I have not yet been to college.
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