You Know You're From... When...

[LvR]

You know you're from South Africa when your country has one of the highest crime rates in the world with an annual murder rate of 52 people per 100,000 of the population. Below is a humorous way to tell that you're in South Africa:
>
> * Police stations now hire private security firms to protect them.
>
> * Landlords may not evict illegal squatters unless they offer them
> alternative accommodation.
>
> * Post Office workers are videotaped opening the mail and stealing the
> contents, but the film may not be used in evidence, because the
> workers were not informed that they were being filmed and the filming
> is an intrusion on their privacy.
>
> * A minister of religion who stole millions from overseas-donated funds
> for the oppressed, returns to the country to a hero's welcome and is
> officially welcomed by the government, represented by the Minister of
> Justice.
>
> * 20% of the city's population pays for everyone else's electricity and
> water supply, and get prosecuted if they refuse to pay.
>
> * A murderer gets a 2-year sentence and a pirate TV viewer a 6-month
> sentence.
>
> * The Constitutional Court declares the death sentence unconstitutional,
> but
> rules that abortion is okay.
>
> * The prisoners strike!!!
>
> * The police advise you not to stop if they wave you down in the middle
> of the night, but rather speed past them and drive to your nearest
> police station.
>
> * The Student Union "dimands" that academic achievement shouldn't
> be a criterion for university acceptance, as it is discriminatory.
>
> * A government Minister is caught driving her car with a forged
> license,but
> the
> case is dropped for "lack of evidence".
>
> * Government ministers meet with masked gang leaders to ask their
> advice on how to reduce crime and violence.
>
> * Scholars protest at the lack of schooling facilities by destroying
> school buildings.
>
> * The entire country sees a thug admit on TV news to murdering several
> people, but the police say they have no case.
>
> * You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.
>
> * The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just
> reported.
>
> * You paint your cars registrations number on the roof in large
> letters.
>
> * A minister is fired and returns the government cell phone, but keeps
> the government BMW
>
> * A 45-year-old engineer, gets replaced by a 25-year-old, who cannot
> write his own name.
>
> * The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they
> are.
>
> * People start joking about the crime rate.

[LvR]

You know you are a South Afican when......

* You produce a R100 note instead of you drivers licence when stopped by a traffic officer
> >
* You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
> >
* You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
> >
* You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers
> >
* To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
> >
* Hijacking cars is a profession
> >
* Defecating in a garden can win you R1-million
> >
* You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
> >
* The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
> >
* More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election
> >
* People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill,Hope,Patience,
Pretty,Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift and Given
> >
* "Now - Now" can mean anything from a minute to a month
> >
* You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to
make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction
> >
* Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest car on the highway
> >
* You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car
parked where you left it
> >
* A bullet train is being introduced but we can't fix potholes
> >
* The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines
and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
> >
* You paint your car's registration number on the roof
> >
* Half of your mail is guaranteed to reach its destination
> >
* You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a
government hospital
> >
* You dial a toll - free number and nobody answers
> >
* You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one
> >
* Prisoners go on strike

[LvR]

You know you are from South Africa when you find the following scene commonplace in the streets

[LvR]

You know you are from South Africa when you find people trying to breed dogs with characteristics like this

[Brian Ellis]

Anyone have one from Cyprus?

[Rakido]

You Know You Are In Cyprus When

A mercedes is not a car, it`s a Taxi.
Talking sounds just like arguing.
You walk around in jumpers when 25 C....
...but put your airconditioning to 15 C and still find it hot.
Going to buy a newspaper needs at least a 10 minute make-up.
Not smoking is considered `weird`.
Not eating meat is unthinkable.
You take a generator when camping (to supply your fridge, micro, TV!).
All men over 30 look 50.
You text message people sitting at the same table with you.
You text message whilst lifting weights.
Police park on the pavement...to book you for a parking offence.
It`s truly a task telling the difference between a pimp and undercover police.
Translation of `thank you` is..... "thank you".
Translation of `sorry` is....."sorry".
The first thing a police officer asks you is "what does your dad do?".
The messenger/clerk of a Ministry can get you a job!
Your next door neighbour cooks "shish kebab" all Sundays of the year.
The pick-up truck in front of you has charcoal fuming at the back..getting it ready for the time it reaches the beach!
You call everyone "koumbare"(`best man`)...and they probably are!

[ZokesPro]

So this is what Liz does at 4 in the morning. :P

[Brian Ellis]

Pretty close to the mark, except for the shish kebab: It's souvla (big lumps of cheap fat pork with bones in on an 8 mm square skewer about a metre long, burnt to a cinder over the charcoal).

I could add a few more:
You ask for a very rare steak and it comes brown throughout, all others being black throughout.
You see a car 200 m in front of you on a highway brake hard, because a police car is parked at the side.
You empty your car's ashtray in front of your neighbour's house.
You invite 3,000 guests to a wedding.
You can ski or snowboard and then waterski on the sea, all in 40 minutes.
You will get peppered with shot if you take a country walk on a Wednesday or Sunday in winter.
You order a moussaka and it's served with chips (fries).
You assume that everyone in shorts, in town, is a tourist or a British or German ex-pat.
You cannot eat all the meze.
Tourists are fair game to be ripped off.
You are welcomed like a long-lost brother in a rural village.
"Avrio" (tomorrow) means in two weeks; "this afternoon" means in two days; "in an hour" means this afternoon; "in a few minutes" means never.
It takes only 45 minutes for your bag to appear on the conveyor at Larnaca airport, but it has burst open and the framed picture of Aunt Maria is broken. However, it takes two hours to check in when leaving, except when its 40°C in the shade, when it takes 3 hours.
No one ever reads e-mails or faxes.
You are surprised when a toasted cheese sandwich has a delicious rubbery cheese called halloumi in it.
School kids are home for the day at 1 pm.
Laws? What laws? Are there any?

[GT98]

You've been seriously injured at Action Park.
You know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York (usually The Bronx) or Texas.
You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges."
You know that it's called "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags."
You've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.
You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am.
Whenever you park, there's a Camaro within three spots of you.
You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.
You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.
At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
you know what a "jug handle" is.
You know that a WaWa is a convenience store.
You know that the state isn't all farmland.
You know that there are no "beaches" in new Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway." You know that "Piney" isn't referring to a tree.
Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and, you call it a "sub" not a "submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagy" or a "hero."
you remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.
You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.
You knew that the last question had to do with driving.
You know that "Acme" is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation.
You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire (doesn't work, does it?).
You know how to translate this conversation: "Jeet yet?" "No, Jew?"
You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The City."
You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.
You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege.
In the 80's you wore your hair REALLY high.
You don't think "What exit" (do you live near?) is very funny.
You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.
You know that people from 609 area code are "a little different."
You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.
The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.
You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.
You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.
You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
Every year, you had at least one kid in your class named Tony.
You know where every "clip" shown in the Sopranos opening credits is.
You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall.
You've eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.
You have a favorite Atlantic City casino.
You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.
And finally...
You've never pumped your own gas

Lot of this is very true LOL

[cjolley]

You Know You're From Oklahoma When:

1. It doesn't bother you one bit to use airports named for 2 men who died in the same grisly plane crash.

2. You can properly pronounce all of the following, and without laughing: Eufaula, Pushmataha, Okemah, Tishomingo, and Chickasha.

3. You know that the true value of a parking space is determined not by the distance to the door, but rather by the availability of shade.

4. You readily understand the difference between 3.2 and 6.0 beer, and know what a "beer run" to another state is.

5. A tornado warning siren is not necessarily cause for alarm. (It's usually just your signal to go out in the yard and look for the funnel. Fun for the whole family.)

6. You are 100% Okie if you've ever had this conversation with a friend: "Y'all wanna Coke?" "Sure." "What kind ya want?" "Dr. Pepper."

7. You've used at least 4 of the following 8 words/expressions in daily conversation: "reckon" "plumb" (e.g., "plumb stove up," "plumb fed up," "plumb sick and tired," etc.) "Howdy" "I swan" (in lieu of "I swear") "fixin' to" "See y'all later" (alt., "Y'all behave yourselves!") "gol-durn" "jing-dang-it"

8. You understand at least 5 of the 10 following concepts and expressions: dry county The B.C. Clark Christmas jingle "Once saved, always saved." "Useful as tits on a boar hog." "Go Sooners!" "Shoot far (fire) and save the matches!" liquor-by-the-drink Vacation Bible School peppered cream gravy on everything, please, Ma'am "Just open all the windows and git in the bathtub."

9. You know how to identify at least 5 varieties of venomous snakes on sight.

10. You understand that Oklahoma is a Southern, Southwestern, and Midwestern state -- all at once. This is not a contradiction in your mind.

11. The local paper quickly covers national and international headlines on the front page, but requires 6 pages for sports and 2 pages for local church news.

12. You know more than 1 woman who has used an O.U. football schedule to plan her wedding date.

13. You don't find it in the least bit odd to see "chicken fried chicken" on a menu.

14. You know the difference between "Durant" and "Doo-rant," and you also know which state has a "Mia-muh," and which has a "Mia-mee."

15. You remember the profligate wealth of the Oil Boom, and you fervently pray for those days to return.

16. A BMW is not nearly the status symbol that a Ford F150 4x4 is.

17. You don't find it in the least bit odd to find video rentals, ammunition, and live bait all in the same convenience store.

18. You know all 4 seasons by heart: Tornado, Summer, Sooner football, Christmas

19. You know exactly what calf fries are, and you eat them anyway.

20. You can't always remember which year your sweet Mama was born, but you can rattle off the years the Sooners won national championships lickety-split.

chuck

[Liquid Snake]

An old thread: <A HREF="http://forums.murc.ws/showthread.php?s=&threadid=47433">You know you're from NYC when...</A>

[EnglandJoe]

You Know You're From Britain When...
You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday day is also entirely reasonable.
You're always a half an hour late to work ... no-one notices or cares.
Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week.
You can actually give directions to some of those annoying tourists in Oxford Street!
You step over a drunk in the tube station rather than offering to help them.
You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the day is like. You know it is overcast.
You consider a suit to be normal attire for the pub.
You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes.
You dissolve in laughter when listening to the funny accent of the Aussie international telephone operator (or on TV!).
You think £40 for a haircut is quite reasonable.
You can't remember what 'customer service' means.
After a big night out you find yourself looking for a Curry house
More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive.
You don't think twice about tipping your hairdresser
You finish every sentence with 'Cheers' or 'Yeah'.
You only just realise you have lost your sunnies, you left them in Greece 2 summers ago. - startlingly accurate
You like English cuisine. I mean, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast.
You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat... this year
You've bought a disposable baby BBQ from Tesco. - HA! Yes! A funny story too...
A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't even enter your head.
You always call soccer football and you have a team and it's not Manchester United.
You don't think twice about buying a packaged sandwich.
A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear
You've accepted queuing as a way of life.
You believe that every American is a fatass addicted to hamburgers and hotdogs.
You despise the French (but then, who doesn't?). - But only for fun

[EnglandJoe]

I'd also like to add the the city of Leeds sucks, and I almost died there twice in one weekend. Can anyone guess the weekend?

[Brian Ellis]

You've bought a disposable baby BBQ from Tesco.

I take it you cook the disposable babies on the BBQ?

[EnglandJoe]

Not just the disposable ones.