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finaly quit my job last monday... actualy stoped going to work at uni with my old boss... taking some time to refresh my mind befor i get back to my new job... becoming an senior associate in a new production company and working towards opening up my own production house with 2 other partners... the plan keeps changing but will be finalised befor april.... already doing some ferelance work and finaly getting the recognition that i have for a long time rejected in part and not recived in part.... i am happy for once.. but still lost and confised ATM... divorce from my wife is finalised... waiting till jully to reaply for immigration to canada... hope i make it in about 3 to 4 years..... i know the smart thing to do was to get to canda first since the aplication finaly came through and then divorce.. but i felt very uncomfortable going there under false pretence... i am an honest person and i dont like to compromise my integrety.. even if it means i have to wait some more...
relashionship with my ex-wife is good... we are both mutual freinds still inspight of the divorce.... been divorced over a month now and feel more comfortable than ever.
having problems coming to terms with an old frind that i have deep feelings for ... i love her plenty .. but i do not want any thing from her .. nothing more than a resumption of our close freindship... i confesed my love to her... however she has nither rejected me nor accepted me... she still dosent get the idea that i know she has no feelings for me .. and that i only wnat to her close freind again... very complicated situation... she is very special to me..... but i dont want to have that kind of comitment with her becasue i know it will lead to a disaster... long story.. if any one is intrested in hearing the details i will fill you in and maybe you guys can give me some advice.... so emotionaly i am stable but just at the edge of stability... you have to understand that my freindship with this lovely girl has become an obsestion for me... we speak together through our eyes and the comunication that way is intense.... however there is barly any verbal comunication... even when we are siting in a group together for hours.. all we say to eachother is "hello" and "goodby"... sometimes she totaly ignors me.. as if i do not exist.. other times she tries to impress me by acting wild infront of me.. by maintaning eyecontact with me with a beutifull comforting smile... i think she is as lost as i am... to bad she refuses to even talk about anything related to me and her... the subject allone seems to frighten her..... as if she dosent want to loos me but at the same time she doesnt want me... and she knows that by not talking to me she can do both.. and that i would never turn my back on her or stab her in the back like most of her freinds... what pisses me off is that she is willing to talk to those who stab her in the back and hurt her.. but not me.. the one person who always stood by her wether she knew it or not... the only one of her freinds who realy loves her and dosent care or want anything from her... nothing but to see her happy...
i have discovered though that i am not as lousy with the ladies as i previously thought... i am getting quite good reactions from some of my female freinds...
i have a freind that is coming over on tues.... with her i hope we can being to start a casual relationship..... i know she dosent want to comint .. nither do i .. but we both have feelings for eachother so i dont belive that a casual relashionship is the best solution... we can be eachothers comfort when we need it without being commited to eachother and making plans for the the future while we both know they will not happen... we have a strong bond... it may to lead to somthing more than a casual relashionship but not at the moment... she knows that when she is with me she is not afraid to be free.... and is not afraid that i will take advantage of her in any way... unlike everybody else she knows...
i hope i dont end up making a fool out of my self... i am a passionate person and i love to love with intensity... even the people who are not more than my freinds.. that is my nature.... i cant help it... unfortunatly it frightens most people as they seem to think its too good to be true.. that their actualy is someone who will not hurt them... someone they can trust with anything.... but the few that belive in me stick by me and allow me excesses that they would not normaly alow others.. because they trust me and know i would never hurt them.....by excesses i dount mean taking them to bed ... not even kissing... but they allow me to listen to thier harts and speak to them with passion and love even when their is nothing between us...
i am curently developing ideas for a few films and documentaries... ones that i hope i will getting funding for soon... i am already safe for a year as far as work in concerned.. got contracked frelance work that will provied me with the basics... just need to get the extras that will make me be able to excell fincancialy and profestionaly befor i leave to canada...
life is great... even if it is intierly chaotic atm.....
relashionship with my ex-wife is good... we are both mutual freinds still inspight of the divorce.... been divorced over a month now and feel more comfortable than ever.
having problems coming to terms with an old frind that i have deep feelings for ... i love her plenty .. but i do not want any thing from her .. nothing more than a resumption of our close freindship... i confesed my love to her... however she has nither rejected me nor accepted me... she still dosent get the idea that i know she has no feelings for me .. and that i only wnat to her close freind again... very complicated situation... she is very special to me..... but i dont want to have that kind of comitment with her becasue i know it will lead to a disaster... long story.. if any one is intrested in hearing the details i will fill you in and maybe you guys can give me some advice.... so emotionaly i am stable but just at the edge of stability... you have to understand that my freindship with this lovely girl has become an obsestion for me... we speak together through our eyes and the comunication that way is intense.... however there is barly any verbal comunication... even when we are siting in a group together for hours.. all we say to eachother is "hello" and "goodby"... sometimes she totaly ignors me.. as if i do not exist.. other times she tries to impress me by acting wild infront of me.. by maintaning eyecontact with me with a beutifull comforting smile... i think she is as lost as i am... to bad she refuses to even talk about anything related to me and her... the subject allone seems to frighten her..... as if she dosent want to loos me but at the same time she doesnt want me... and she knows that by not talking to me she can do both.. and that i would never turn my back on her or stab her in the back like most of her freinds... what pisses me off is that she is willing to talk to those who stab her in the back and hurt her.. but not me.. the one person who always stood by her wether she knew it or not... the only one of her freinds who realy loves her and dosent care or want anything from her... nothing but to see her happy...
i have discovered though that i am not as lousy with the ladies as i previously thought... i am getting quite good reactions from some of my female freinds...
i have a freind that is coming over on tues.... with her i hope we can being to start a casual relationship..... i know she dosent want to comint .. nither do i .. but we both have feelings for eachother so i dont belive that a casual relashionship is the best solution... we can be eachothers comfort when we need it without being commited to eachother and making plans for the the future while we both know they will not happen... we have a strong bond... it may to lead to somthing more than a casual relashionship but not at the moment... she knows that when she is with me she is not afraid to be free.... and is not afraid that i will take advantage of her in any way... unlike everybody else she knows...
i hope i dont end up making a fool out of my self... i am a passionate person and i love to love with intensity... even the people who are not more than my freinds.. that is my nature.... i cant help it... unfortunatly it frightens most people as they seem to think its too good to be true.. that their actualy is someone who will not hurt them... someone they can trust with anything.... but the few that belive in me stick by me and allow me excesses that they would not normaly alow others.. because they trust me and know i would never hurt them.....by excesses i dount mean taking them to bed ... not even kissing... but they allow me to listen to thier harts and speak to them with passion and love even when their is nothing between us...
i am curently developing ideas for a few films and documentaries... ones that i hope i will getting funding for soon... i am already safe for a year as far as work in concerned.. got contracked frelance work that will provied me with the basics... just need to get the extras that will make me be able to excell fincancialy and profestionaly befor i leave to canada...
life is great... even if it is intierly chaotic atm.....
lol..
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