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some funnies
Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"
The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The third, a irish businessman , nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece."
"I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"
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The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf and dumb person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
On his first week, the collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf and dumb collector.
The hoods find the collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf and dumb collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?"
The dumb man signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the dumb collector. "Now ask him where the money is!"
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf man signs back, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park."
The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."
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A kid gets a job in a small department store. On his first day, the manager shows him around,and explains that the company policy was to sell a product, with a product. The kid looked confused...so the manager said he would show him what he meant.
Now, it just so happened that a customer approached the manager and asked if they sold grass seed. "Certainly", pointing to the wide range of seed boxes, "and what sort of lawn mower would you like?" The customer looked baffled, so the manager went on "Well, you will sow the grass, the grass will grow,and you will need a lawn mower to cut it",
"I hadn't thought of that",says the customer, "I'll take the lawn mower as well then"...and the customer leaves the store happy.
The manager then looks at the kid and says "Now do you understand our policy?" to which the boy replies "Yes...it's good" Just then, a bloke walks into the store. The manager says to the kid "Go on, you can deal with this guy".So the kid asks the bloke if he can help. "Yes" replies the guy hesitantly, "Do you sell tampons, as I need some for my wife." "Certainly", pointing to a shelf with tampons etc on it, "and what sort of lawn mower would you like?"
The customer looked baffled and the manager's face dropped, so the kid went on "Well, the weekend's f*cked...You may as well cut the grass"
The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"
The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The third, a irish businessman , nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece."
"I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"
.................................................. ..........................
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf and dumb person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
On his first week, the collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf and dumb collector.
The hoods find the collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf and dumb collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?"
The dumb man signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the dumb collector. "Now ask him where the money is!"
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf man signs back, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park."
The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."
.................................................. ............
A kid gets a job in a small department store. On his first day, the manager shows him around,and explains that the company policy was to sell a product, with a product. The kid looked confused...so the manager said he would show him what he meant.
Now, it just so happened that a customer approached the manager and asked if they sold grass seed. "Certainly", pointing to the wide range of seed boxes, "and what sort of lawn mower would you like?" The customer looked baffled, so the manager went on "Well, you will sow the grass, the grass will grow,and you will need a lawn mower to cut it",
"I hadn't thought of that",says the customer, "I'll take the lawn mower as well then"...and the customer leaves the store happy.
The manager then looks at the kid and says "Now do you understand our policy?" to which the boy replies "Yes...it's good" Just then, a bloke walks into the store. The manager says to the kid "Go on, you can deal with this guy".So the kid asks the bloke if he can help. "Yes" replies the guy hesitantly, "Do you sell tampons, as I need some for my wife." "Certainly", pointing to a shelf with tampons etc on it, "and what sort of lawn mower would you like?"
The customer looked baffled and the manager's face dropped, so the kid went on "Well, the weekend's f*cked...You may as well cut the grass"