Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Ouch!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Ouch!

    This sound apocryphal, but one never knows!

    Scrotum Self-Repair.

    One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

    After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

    Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

    We x-rayed the patient's scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning. The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and-through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

    Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me. An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his coworkers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too
    close to the belt. When his scrotum became caught between the pulleywheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work. I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

    [William A. Morton is a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania.]
    Brian (the devil incarnate)

  • #2
    Yet another reason why the tried and true hand method should be the only method

    That just hurt to read.
    “And, remember: there's no 'I' in 'irony'” ~ Merlin Mann

    Comment


    • #3
      ouch is right!

      this seems to have actually happend quite a while ago: http://www.snopes.com/risque/penile/scrotum.htm
      Yeah, well I'm gonna build my own lunar space lander! With blackjack aaaaannd Hookers! Actually, forget the space lander, and the blackjack. Ahhhh forget the whole thing!

      Comment


      • #4
        Status: TRUE!

        The definitive Internet reference source for researching urban legends, folklore, myths, rumors, and misinformation.


        Gotta love Snopes.
        The Internet - where men are men, women are men, and teenage girls are FBI agents!

        I'm the least you could do
        If only life were as easy as you
        I'm the least you could do, oh yeah
        If only life were as easy as you
        I would still get screwed

        Comment


        • #5
          Pain would not even begin to discribe the sensations he felt

          Dr. Mordrid
          Dr. Mordrid
          ----------------------------
          An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

          I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

          Comment


          • #6
            when I was a student nurse, I looked after a guy who had Left Ventricular Failure.... He had a leg amputated a few years earlier.

            He was in hospital because his dieuretics were failing (as were his kidneys). He had a scrotum at least the size of a grapefruit, as he had lost most of the drainage supplied by the lymphatic system...

            At the time, the consultant prescribed the poor sod baths of hypertonic saline on his member (and scroat) covered with gauze to retain the solution. I have never seen anyone in so much pain. He leterally lost the fluid through osmosis through his balls......

            RedRed
            Dont just swallow the blue pill.

            Comment


            • #7
              *twists in chair* double ouch!
              Wikipedia and Google.... the needles to my tangent habit.
              ________________________________________________

              That special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, Or maybe below the cockles, Maybe in the sub-cockle area, Maybe in the liver, Maybe in the kidneys, Maybe even in the colon, We don't know.

              Comment


              • #8
                Kinda makes that run-in I had with Epididymitis a few years back seem pretty tame.
                The Internet - where men are men, women are men, and teenage girls are FBI agents!

                I'm the least you could do
                If only life were as easy as you
                I'm the least you could do, oh yeah
                If only life were as easy as you
                I would still get screwed

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hardly anything compares to getting critical equipment seriously caught in a zipper

                  Dr. Mordrid
                  Dr. Mordrid
                  ----------------------------
                  An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

                  I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

                  Comment

                  Working...
                  X