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So I've often been called a bit of a stick-in-the-mud because I refuse to watch certain movies. Titanic, for example. I downloaded the parts with Kate Winslet's boobs in them, and binned the rest. My argument? Not only is it UTTERLY implausible, but we know how it ends... EVERYONE DIES. Except Kate. Only takes you 30 seconds to realize Kate lives. But everyone else dies. Why watch that?
But what makes me MORE upset is movies that should never exist in the first place, because the entire plot is too contrived to ever fly. The example that made me start this thread? John Q.
You might remember John Q. It starred Denzel Washington. The ENTIRE PREMISE of the movie is that his kid needs a heart transplant, and he has no money, so he holds the hospital for ransom with a gun until they do the operation.
What's the problem? IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN. If the kid is on the transplant recipient list, and it's his turn, and there's a donor heart waiting... the operation WILL HAPPEN regardless of the money. No transplant center in the country would say "sorry sir, we're going to let a 6-year-old DIE because you have bad credit". WTF?
And there are plenty of movies like this. My list of "refuse to watch" movies includes:
- Disaster films. We know how they end. People die.
- Historical films (that don't feature highly engaging stories). Again, we know how they end. We've just finished watching "Kingdom of Heaven", and I expected to leave after about 5 minutes because ... well ... JERUSALEM GETS SACKED. Why watch? We know they lose. But it turned out to be really engaging, so it's ok. Plenty don't. Troy was ALMOST unwatchable. I mean, we've all read the Iliad.
- Sports films. Let's sum this up: Plucky newcomer overcomes improbable if not inconceivable odds to win. Yes, again. RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY!
- Films based on video games. Oh, wait - I do watch those. I always regret it, but I watch them anyway.
Then there are the more nebulous films. The ones that I turn off because the entire plot hinges on someone acting in a nonsensical manner. You know the ones I'm talking about. When you're watching, and the entire setup depends on someone doing something highly implausible. 99% of horror movies, sadly, fall into this category. "Oh, people keep getting killed here when they swim? Let's go skinny dipping!"
Also I refuse to watch any period piece without a happy ending. Movies where the characters begin miserable, stay miserable, and end miserable without learning ANY important lessons? BZZZZZT thanks but no! Examples: "Wings of the Dove" and "Jefferson Park". Or... wait, Vanity Faire. GOOD GOD, why do these films get made? "It was a celebrated novel!" Well, the NOVEL had a moral. The movie based on the novel is just a bunch of bad people being unhappy... with a couple GOOD people who get shat upon for no good reason thrown in for good measure.
But what makes me MORE upset is movies that should never exist in the first place, because the entire plot is too contrived to ever fly. The example that made me start this thread? John Q.
You might remember John Q. It starred Denzel Washington. The ENTIRE PREMISE of the movie is that his kid needs a heart transplant, and he has no money, so he holds the hospital for ransom with a gun until they do the operation.
What's the problem? IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN. If the kid is on the transplant recipient list, and it's his turn, and there's a donor heart waiting... the operation WILL HAPPEN regardless of the money. No transplant center in the country would say "sorry sir, we're going to let a 6-year-old DIE because you have bad credit". WTF?
And there are plenty of movies like this. My list of "refuse to watch" movies includes:
- Disaster films. We know how they end. People die.
- Historical films (that don't feature highly engaging stories). Again, we know how they end. We've just finished watching "Kingdom of Heaven", and I expected to leave after about 5 minutes because ... well ... JERUSALEM GETS SACKED. Why watch? We know they lose. But it turned out to be really engaging, so it's ok. Plenty don't. Troy was ALMOST unwatchable. I mean, we've all read the Iliad.
- Sports films. Let's sum this up: Plucky newcomer overcomes improbable if not inconceivable odds to win. Yes, again. RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY!
- Films based on video games. Oh, wait - I do watch those. I always regret it, but I watch them anyway.
Then there are the more nebulous films. The ones that I turn off because the entire plot hinges on someone acting in a nonsensical manner. You know the ones I'm talking about. When you're watching, and the entire setup depends on someone doing something highly implausible. 99% of horror movies, sadly, fall into this category. "Oh, people keep getting killed here when they swim? Let's go skinny dipping!"
Also I refuse to watch any period piece without a happy ending. Movies where the characters begin miserable, stay miserable, and end miserable without learning ANY important lessons? BZZZZZT thanks but no! Examples: "Wings of the Dove" and "Jefferson Park". Or... wait, Vanity Faire. GOOD GOD, why do these films get made? "It was a celebrated novel!" Well, the NOVEL had a moral. The movie based on the novel is just a bunch of bad people being unhappy... with a couple GOOD people who get shat upon for no good reason thrown in for good measure.
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