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  • Letter from home

    Dear Child,

    I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

    We don't live where we did when you left home.

    Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

    I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

    This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

    Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

    The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

    They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

    Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

    Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

    Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

    There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

    PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
    Brian (the devil incarnate)

  • #2
    >Groan<
    If there's artificial intelligence, there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.

    Jeremy Clarkson "806 brake horsepower..and that on that limp wrist faerie liquid the Americans call petrol, if you run it on the more explosive jungle juice we have in Europe you'd be getting 850 brake horsepower..."

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    • #3
      Was it postmarked Arklansas?

      Dr. Mordrid
      Dr. Mordrid
      ----------------------------
      An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

      I carry a gun because I can't throw a rock 1,250 fps

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      • #4
        The last time I read this I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.

        /rimshot/

        Kevin

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        • #5
          Originally posted by KRSESQ
          The last time I read this I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.
          ROFLMAO
          Join MURCs Distributed Computing effort for Rosetta@Home and help fight Alzheimers, Cancer, Mad Cow disease and rising oil prices.
          [...]the pervading principle and abiding test of good breeding is the requirement of a substantial and patent waste of time. - Veblen

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Dr Mordrid
            Was it postmarked Arklansas?

            Dr. Mordrid
            Kentucky Appalachian country, I believe.
            Brian (the devil incarnate)

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Brian Ellis
              Kentucky Appalachian country, I believe.
              I was thinking Hollywood or Washington D.C.
              “And, remember: there's no 'I' in 'irony'” ~ Merlin Mann

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