Caring for your Parent

[The PIT]

My Mother is having memory problems although no severe are getting worse. She has been referred to a clinic but we're waiting for an appointment which should come next in the next few month or so.

Over the last the last six months I've had to take nine days off work some as Holiday and for some the supervisors have looked the other way and allowed me to take it off sick.

I've got two Sisters who live 200 miles away one very sick herself and the other has a family and a young daughter. I have another who lives in the same town as me both kids grown up working or lazying on the dole.

Although we're both working the sister who lives in the same town as me refuses to take any time off saying she's too busy.

Today My Mother seemed rather distressed and I wondered about leaving her to to work. Anyway I did and told her ring me if need me. At work I rang my sister and asked to be preperared to take a day off she refused again. We had a row and I hung up on her.

I don't think I'm wrong asking her to take a little of the load as I have to deal with my Mother seven days a week. I can't keep taking time off and I think she's been selfish. Indead she expected My eldest sister who's ill or the other one to come up instead.

What do you think.

[Taz]

...I think she's been selfish.

Yep I agree. It's her mother just as much as it is yours so therefore also her responsibility.

[cjolley]

Too busy for her MOTHER!?
That's pretty f*cking busy.


PS Isn't your mother considered immediate family? Can't you take time off for her as sick leave?

[Umfriend]

Ah well, I am on the other side of the stick. My grandmother at 92 is getting worse and, it has to be said, I do the least, except for my Uncle but he lives, uhm, 30 miles from here. I am round the corner, my sis and bro are closeby as is my mother. So nothing to be proud about.

Yes, TP, she is selfish and where I am, sometimes, a bit ashamed of myself about this, I do put in more than you are asking for from your sister. I would, in your situation I think, call your other sisters. It's about their mother too and even if they should not need to help, they should at least try and support you by talking to your nearby sister.

[Byock]

I agree with Umf, talk to your other siblings. That is selfish, but some people are like that.

[Helevitia]

Maybe you can work ou a schedule with her and your other siblings? Sit down with all of them and work out a plan that works for everyone. If someone refuses, there is not much you can do about it. Just need to make a new plan that doesn't include that sibling.

Now, I wasn't there but based on your description, I'd say you gave her an ultimatum by calling her and telling her to be prepared to take the day off work. Anyone backed into a corner like this will probably get defensive. My 2 cents...

Dave

[Umfriend]

True Helevitia, but it came across to me that this was not the firt time a request for help was made. I got the impression that so far it has been impossible to discuss a schedule other than TP doing all and the sis doing nothing.

[TnT]

On a side note, check out: http://www.elitecare.com. It was featured in Wired magazine a few years back.

It ain't your standard home for the elderly. Really cool idea that, while spendy, is cheaper than the average for that type of senior housing.

The project I'm working on for my company will hopefully change, for the better, how people care for their old/sick family members and for themselves as well.

[GNEP]

Have you thought of asking your sister to give up some of her earnings instead of her time, and then taking days off unpaid yourself and effectively being "paid" by your sister for your time? Would need to fly with both work and sis, but might be a compromise.

[Fat Tone]

Or turn George's idea around a little and use the money for professional help?

In my experience some people will give of themselves gladly, some will give their money gladly as long as it involves no effort on their part, and others sadly will do neither.

[Admiral]

Was thinking the same thing, maybe all your sisters can put some money and you hire someone to take care of her while you're at work.

[The PIT]

I think she's trying to hide from her own problems by taking on work. If she is doing she'll find out that it doesn't work as you'll get more tired and then more stressed. Similar to what I found out by drinking. Next morning you suddenly need to be alert and you're struggling with a hangover and you get more stressed.

What I actually said you may have to be prepared to take one of the next two days off. She just started ranting and the daft thing is she's finnished today and would have been free anyway.

Generally when you ring her up it's striaght too busy can't talk now. Shouting her down stopped that as I needed to give her some news that she needed to know.


As for Nursing well I expected that will have to happen by next year. However this memory is so variable you don't know. So it could be sooner or later.

[The PIT]

No progress on my Sister although we stopped shouting at each other which is good as my Mother picked up on it but luckily forgot a few hours later.

Looks like work is more important than family which leaves me with a problem.