Nice guy

[Fluff]

Frankly nice is a crap wishy washy adjective. Which should be binned along with lovely.

That was all I was hearing last night....

What exactly does it mean?

[VJ]

What exactly does it mean?

It means you won't get chance; you are on the friends ladder (if you believe the ladder theory); you'll have to find someone else.

Especially when used in a sentence like: "a nice guy, but...".

At least, that is what it means when they say it to me.


Jörg

[Brian Ellis]

Nice is a word that has changed meaning several times.

OED gives:
ME.
[Old French from Latin nescius ignorant, from nescire: see NESCIENT. Cf. NAICE.]

A. adjective.

â€* 1. Foolish, stupid, senseless. ME–M16.

â€* 2. a. Wanton; lascivious. ME–E17.

b. Of dress: ostentatious, showy. LME–M16.

c. Neat, elegant, dainty; (of upbringing) refined. LME–E18.

â€* 3. Strange, rare, extraordinary. LME–E18.

â€* 4. a. Slothful, lazy. rare. LME–E17.

b. Not capable of much endurance; delicate; rare effeminate, unmanly; pampered, luxurious. LME–E18.

Clarendon He..was of so nice and tender a composition, that a little rain..would disorder him.

â€* 5. Orig., coy, affectedly modest, reserved. Later, shy, reluctant, unwilling (foll. by to, in, of, to do). Cf. NICETY 3. LME–L17.

Dryden Virtue is nice to take what's not her own.

6. a. Fastidious, hard to please; of refined or critical tastes. LME.

S. Johnson The mind..becomes..nice and fastidious, and like a vitiated palate.

b. Scrupulous, punctilious, particular. L16.

S. Baring-Gould I should get it back again..and not be too nice about the means.

7. Requiring great precision or accuracy. Cf. NICETY 6. L15.

R. Boyle The Watch I use to measure the time with in nice Experiments.

8. a. Not obvious or readily understood, demanding close consideration; minute, subtle; (of differences) slight, small. E16.

S. Leacock The Authority, who was a man of nice distinctions..was..afraid that he had overstated things a little.

b. Exact, closely judged, fine. E18.

G. D. Campbell The nice and perfect balance which is maintained between these two forces.

â€* 9. Slender, thin; fig., unimportant, trivial. rare. L16–E17.

Shakespeare Julius Caesar In such a time as this it is not meet That every nice offence should bear his comment.

10. â€* a. Critical, doubtful, full of risk or uncertainty. L16–E19.

b. Requiring care, tact, or discrimination. E17.

A. F. Douglas-Home It is a matter of so nice a judgement when these..processes should be put in motion that few..can mark the right moment. D. Lodge It is a nice question how far you can go..without throwing out something vital.

11. Entering minutely into details; attentive, close. L16.

G. White Upon a nice examination..I could find nothing resinous in them.

12. Delicately sensitive; finely discriminative; deft. L16.

H. Martineau No people on earth had so nice a sense of the morally graceful. Browning The nice eye can distinguish grade and grade.

13. Minutely or carefully accurate; (of an instrument or apparatus) showing minute differences, finely poised or graduated. L16.

James Harris The nicest Hygrometer of any..it will show..very small Alterations.

14. Agreeable, pleasant, satisfactory, delightful, generally commendable; (of food) tasty, appetizing; (of a person) kind, considerate, friendly; iron. (very) bad, unsatisfactory. colloq. E18.

E. Nesbit A very nice way to make your fortune—by deceit and trickery. L. Deighton There's nothing so reviving as a nice cup of tea. B. Bainbridge He dripped gravy on the nice white cloth. P. Fitzgerald Pale blue tiles with a nice design of waterlilies.

Phrases: have a nice day: see HAVE verb. â€*make it nice, make nice display reserve or reluctance. nice and — colloq. satisfactory in respect of a specified quality. nice as pie: see PIE noun2 4a.

Special collocations & comb.: nice-looking adjective attractive. nice Nelly N. Amer. colloq. a respectable or prudish woman. nice-nellyism N. Amer. colloq. excessive prudishness of speech or behaviour, an instance of this; (a) genteelism. nice one interjection expr. approval or commendation. nice work a task well performed; nice work if you can get it (iron.), expr. envy of (what is perceived to be) another's more favourable situation, position, etc.

B. adverb. Orig., foolishly, unwisely. Later (non-standard), satisfactorily, agreeably, well, etc. LME.

N. Hinton He sings really nice and he's picked up the guitar ever so quick.

• niceling noun â€*(a) an effeminate or delicate person; (b) arch., rare a nice thing: M16.


So, you can make your choice! Note that the definitions marked â€* are not or rarely used today.

[ND66]

Frankly nice is a crap wishy washy adjective. Which should be binned along with lovely.

That was all I was hearing last night....

What exactly does it mean?

I would translate it to:
Forget nice, or I don’t give a damn about nice. (If it comes from female mouth = I want a BAD boy!)

[Fluff]

I dont like what it says about nice guy syndrome. It's not very positive....for either party.

Nice guy syndrome
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"Nice Guy Syndrome" is a folk psychology term. Some use it to describe an adult male who seeks sexual attraction and romantic intimacy, but only finds cordial friendship and platonic love. Others use it to describe an adult male who acts as though he seeks friendship, but only as a foothold to gain a more intimate relationship. The term originates from a type of platitude said to be heard by such men ("You're a really nice guy and all, but...")[citation needed]. Several dating gurus discuss this phenomenon and attempt to offer solutions for it.

The "nice guy" is described as a pleasant, intelligent, unattractive and highly considerate male and with low or misguided confidence (especially with women). These traits often lead to afflicted men being a very good listener, and articulate and expressive speakers. They are also more negatively polite than their peers[citation needed]. Such men are often frustrated, if not indignant, about their romantic trouble. They may also use their status as a "nice guy" to gain sympathy from the women they are interested in.

According to some, men abuse the theory of the nice guy syndrome to justify lack of interest from attractive women. They counter that these men make no effort to find "nice" women.[citation needed]

William Sheldon's somatotype theory, now discredited as a pseudoscience, stated that many of the personality and physical traits associated with "nice guys" were linked. Such men were of the ectomorph type. Some have linked this type to low levels of testosterone.

Contents [hide]
1 Friend/lover trait confusion
1.1 Sociobiology
2 Too nice
3 Passive aggression
4 Non-Sexual
5 Disputed existence
6 See also
7 External links
7.1 Extreme points of view
8 Bibliography
9 See also



[edit]
Friend/lover trait confusion
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One theory about the origin of the syndrome is that it results from the affected males having a false perception of what "nice girls" (the women they desire) want in a lover. They usually believe that these women want their men to be intelligent and highly considerate of their needs, and believe they have these qualities. Conversely, they believe these women dislike stupidity and arrogance, abhor misogyny and violence expressed towards them, and place less value on physical attractiveness, muscular strength, cardiovascular endurance, and confidence than other women (see Sexual attraction)[citation needed]. On the other hand, some "nice guys" themselves might not value these traits, prefering to pursue sexually attractive women, over intelligent considerate ones.

This is highly misguided. While there are many traits that conventionally make men initially attractive to women (physical appearence, confidence, humour), when seeking a relationship a woman is not looking for a bundle of traits, but a particular person. [citation needed]

When a "nice girl" type friend of a "nice guy" enters into an intimate relationship with any other male, the "nice guy" is often highly confused or upset [citation needed]. The "nice guy" may become passive-agressive, and confront the woman about her failure to recognise his (superior) qualities [citation needed]. This mental anguish occurs because he cannot reconcile his understanding of women with his vastly different experience. Yet despite the disparity, his erroneous belief does not change (see Milton Rokeach).

Despite a long history of failing to get a "nice girl", the "nice guy" repeatedly insists that the problem is with the many girls he has encountered, not himself. Often he will perform the actions of a friend (comforting when upset, listening to problems) and then announcing that woman he is pursuing "owes" him something for his actions. If she refuses to date him, he may become angry and indignant and mention that clearly she doesn't want to date "nice guys". If she dates someone else, the "nice guy" will wait for the relationship to go wrong so that he can prove himself superior. [citation needed]

While similar to the Ladder theory, this theory is not as diametric. Men can be on both "ladders" under this theory, even if a woman doesn't realize it.

[edit]
Sociobiology
The protoscientific fields of sociobiology and evolutionary psychology have hypothesised a possible adaptionary role for the "nice guys" of this theory. Humans can act like the cuckoo - the eggs are fertilized by one father, but another bird raises the children. [citation needed]

A disputed study allegedly found that many ovulating women prefer men with testosterone-influenced characteristics they consider "rough", while those women during the rest of their menstrual cycle prefer men that look like "nice guys". (disputed—see talk page)

Some women prefer "nasty" types for short term flings (primarily involving sex), while "nice guys" are more likely to be preferred for long term relationships (which often include child rearing). [1] [2] [3].

[edit]
Too nice
Another theory is that as a general matter, women enjoy men who make them feel "special," who seem to value them above the rest of the world. As a "nice guy" is generally nice to most people, women may not feel that the "nice guy" is treating them with special preference, as they expect.[citation needed].

Others believe that women may come to misperceive a clingy or needy aura from the "nice guy" merely by virtue of the fact he may seem overly nice[citation needed]. Clinginess or neediness are usually seen as undesirable, even though these traits may foster security and loyalty later[citation needed].

[edit]
Passive aggression
Dr. Robert A Glover's "Nice Guy" theory is that the Nice Guy's relationship problems are due to passive aggression. He believes the niceness requires the men to suppress the overt expression of their desires, which leads to less direct covert expression.

Dr. Glover holds that the syndrome expands far beyond the dating world, and cripples the Nice Guy in nearly every aspect of his life. In his book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" he explains that "Nice Guys are fundamentally dishonest, and anything but nice." In short, Nice Guys are liars and untrustworthy. By repressing their own feelings, needs and desires, Nice Guys create "covert contracts" and hold other people accountable for their sense of self-worth. Dr. Glover provides helpful steps he calls "Breaking Free Exercises" designed to help Nice Guys take ownership of their lives and replace old, dysfunctional paradigms with new, healthy ones.

[edit]
Non-Sexual
This article or section does not cite its references or sources.
You can help Wikipedia by introducing appropriate citations.
Another popular theory behind "Nice Guy" syndrome is that the "Nice Guy" loses the girl because he avoids showing any sexual intention or attraction for varied reasons, while other suitors take a slightly more overtly attracted approach. Why this is the reason for "Nice Guy" syndrome is hotly debated, with many and various claims made ranging from analysis of both concious and subconcious Needs and desires, all the way through to that the lack of displayed sexual attraction simply makes the female feel undesired in that respect, and that the male is only seeking friendship, which is freely given.

[edit]
Disputed existence
It should be pointed out that "nice guy syndrome" currently lacks credible psychological theories describing cause, effect and typical behavior, and even its existence is a point of debate.[citation needed] The concept of love-shyness has been explored in greater depth by psychologists, but is only tangentially related to this syndrome[citation needed].

[edit]
See also
Ladder Theory

[edit]
External links
The 'Nice Guy' Syndrome
[edit]
Extreme points of view
Heartless Bitches International - Numerous essays on why self-professed "Nice Guys" create their own problems. Feedback from "nice guys" indicates that some appreciate the site's hard-hitting style, while others respond angrily
NiceGuy's Women/Ameriskanks (mostly) Suck Page - Home page of a self-professed "Nice Guy" who relocated to Japan to contrast its women with those of the United States.
[edit]
Bibliography
Glover, Robert A (2003). No More Mr. Nice Guy. Philadelphia, PA, USA: Running Press Book Publishers. ISBN 0762415339.
Gilmartin, Brian G (1987). Shyness and Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment. Lanham, MA, USA: University Press of America. ISBN 0819161020

[VJ]

I dont like what it says about nice guy syndrome. It's not very positive....for either party.

Indeed. :-(

But "nice guy syndrome" is not the same as a true nice guy, IMHO.

Jörg

[Fluff]

I agree it's not the same.

It depends who is saying it. But if someone is describing somebody else and all they can think of is that he/she is nice. Could mean that that person didnt create enough of an impression on them to warrant other adjectives.

I need to get on the other ladder somehow though.

[GNEP]

At least it's better than "inoffensive"

[VJ]

Could mean that that person didnt create enough of an impression on them to warrant other adjectives.

Could be. Or it could be that the person saying it is happy in his/her current situation and not looking for somebody.

I need to get on the other ladder somehow though.

I know how you feel (am in the same situation), but I can't help you. Sorry.

Jörg

[KvHagedorn]

I'm gonna quote, of all people, the Grace Jones character in Conan the Destroyer. The wimpy princess asks Grace what she does when she sees a man she wants. Grace replies:

TAKE HIM!

That's the idea, guys. Have attitude.. know what you want. Show it in your eyes.

[VJ]

That's the idea, guys.

Yep...
I agree that is the way to go.

Have attitude.. know what you want. Show it in your eyes.

For me, I think this is where it still goes wrong though. But its changing.

Jörg