Announcement

**Dr Mordrid** · 27 August 2006, 23:39

Cold as it may sound, you're better off minus both. There are better decaffinated brands out there & you should check 'em out.

**TransformX** · 27 August 2006, 23:58

Originally posted by Dr Mordrid

Cold as it may sound, you're better off minus both. There are better decaffinated brands out there & you should check 'em out.

Wholeheartedly agree. I think its time to meet new people, with the emphasis on people, as in real persons (I'm talking about boobs ofcourse

).

On a side note, you know why PMS is called PMS? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken. Those two girls weren't friends, they were a liability. Friends don't just talk and talk and talk about relationships, friends argue about movies, music, politics and all kinds of other things. When a friend annoys you with his/her bitching, it's about their work, boss etc. Not about their ex or how they'd like to meed a nice-guy/gal? Why? Because if a friend would be such a whiner, you'd bitchslap them and they'll know they deserved it, that's the difference between friends and people you hope to get into bed with.

**KvHagedorn** · 28 August 2006, 00:47

Originally posted by lowlifecat

...apparently that hasn't gone off to well and guess what; she's back with a different perspective. here's the problem; i do like this woman but she completely blew her chance with me. If i act indifferent to her new advances then i would be a jerk like her ex BF, and i would loose a friend.

Nope.. tell her straight up you realized you aren't interested in her that way.. and proceeed to dump on her with all your problems. That oughta do it.

**lowlifecat** · 28 August 2006, 01:38

...and be branded a gay wussy baby?

speaking about lines;

my maternal grandmother and my friends' mother both passed away last tuesday. My grandmother GRHS was old and had been sick for a while. she got a fever on tuesday and they couldn't get her to the hospital in time.

my friends' mother is multiple cancer survivor. tough old battleaxe if i ever met one. she was diagnosed with brain cancer less than two months ago. GRHS. They are both home now.

i was talking to my abuser about how it was a bad week(lets say i'm sparing you a lot of details) and she says: "Be strong, be a man!" to which i reply: "Do you judge a man by his strength or by the strength of his compassion?"

side note: Ninja (my cat) vanished from the house on friday. she finally showed up again 30 hours later very late saturday. from friday to saturday i had 3 very depressed kittens. up until saturday and between my mom, my friends and the kittens; it had been a very bad week for mothers.

So, i hope last week was better for you guys.

**lowlifecat** · 28 August 2006, 01:39

...and i'm sorry if i'm dumping on y'all.

**KvHagedorn** · 28 August 2006, 02:05

Originally posted by lowlifecat

...and be branded a gay wussy baby?

I'm watching For a Few Dollars More, and I bet Clint Eastwood could tell off a condescending woman like that and not be called gay.. He turns around, draws, and kills 3 bad guys in about a second in this one.

**TransformX** · 28 August 2006, 03:48

Originally posted by lowlifecat

...and be branded a gay wussy baby?

No, it means she's giving you yet another headache and you've already got enough of your own without her adding to it.
As for "Be strong, be a man", it means she isn't looking for a nice guy, she wants a retro-man (read: a Macho). In other words, she doesn't want a guy that loves cats and cares about his mother. She wants a rebel that doesn't care much about his mother and owns a pitbull.

**Gurm** · 28 August 2006, 04:38

I've told this to Damian (Claymonkey) repeatedly, and I'll tell you as well.

Are you ready?

...

Really?

YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH WOMEN.

Moreover, you don't WANT to be friends with women. Unless they're somehow in the ultra-safe zone. Y'know, like they're married to your best friend, or they're your cousin (and depending on where you're from, that second one might not be so safe!) or they're ugly.

It sounds retrograde, it sounds like the 50's all over again, it sounds misogynistic. But the truth of the matter is that if you find a woman attractive, you can't be friends with her. You can TRY, but I've seen those friendships go south after years and years of "safe" friendship, all of a sudden, in the space of 5 minutes.

And you don't NEED that in your life. You really don't.

So, let's apply this to your situation, shall we? You can have sex with the "friends with benefits" girl. If it ends up going somewhere, fine. If not, just bang her. Enjoy spending time with her (and in her). The key here is to just forget about the whole "friends" thing, and focus on the "benefits".

Women use men. They complain endlessly about how they are used BY men, but they in turn use men. They use us outrageously and flagrantly - for emotional support, to get what they want, etc. You simply need to acknowledge the relationship.

I know, I sound like the ladder theory guy. But ladder theory is just a starting point. You need to really realize that you are better off without these "friends" in your life. It's an entire mindset, a way of thinking. Once you realize this, you become MUCH happier.

Trust me.

I used to have a veritable bevvy of "female friends". The only ones I kept for any length of time, despite us being the "closest" of friends, were the ones that were totally safe. And even those I've fallen out of touch with although we do the occasional dinner/drinks/family get-togethers. My best friend's little sister, that's pretty safe. Or the girl I was just never attracted to but we got along great. The ones that I was "super close" with... those just didn't work out. Some of them were using me as their intellectual whore. Some of them were just using me as a surrogate until they found a real relationship (I draw a bit of a distinction between intellectual prostitution and friends-with-benefits or "I haven't had a boyfriend in forever and I don't think I want one but I want to spend time with a guy").

And you know what? With very rare exceptions, I just don't miss them. Between Julie and the other women "in my life" (sisters-in-law, wives of close friends, etc.) I have enough female "companionship".

So the moral of the story? You don't have time - or a need - for any woman that isn't going to be good to you. You have better things to do with your life. If you're interested in a woman, pursue a relationship, but she decides you need to be "just friends"... then you need to "just not call her any more". I'm serious. It sounds callous, doesn't it? I'm not suggesting that you not go help her out when she needs to move and needs help with the heavy lifting... provided she pays you in beer, food, or sex. And I'm not suggesting that you don't be a comfort when her grandmother dies or something. But if she isn't reciprocally interested in you romantically, or else on the "safe list", just say goodbye.

I'm serious. You won't regret it. It will simplify your life and make you happier.

**ND66** · 28 August 2006, 05:22

Originally posted by lowlifecat

i was talking to my abuser about how it was a bad week(lets say i'm sparing you a lot of details) and she says: "Be strong, be a man!"

A "REAL" friend would hear you out on this one & try to cheer you up.
By saying that, she just proved herself as a real â€œabuserâ€. My answer to that, with friends like you, who needs enemies?

Maybe youâ€™re just trying too hard to find a girlfriend? Maybe you should enjoy your â€œsinglehoodâ€ now while you have it? Youâ€™ll surely miss it when youâ€™ll be marriedâ€¦ .

**ZokesPro** · 28 August 2006, 07:03

Originally posted by lowlifecat

gah, what a horrible week and weekend

my 'abuser' pestered me through last friday trying to figure out a good time to meet during the week. finally she decided that wensday would be best and she seemed pretty excited about it.

calls me sunday to cancel

we both got overnight shifts this week and she suggested we meet up during this week after work for breakfast. she still hasn't gotten back to me. *sigh* abused again.

another 'abuser' wannabe contacted me during the week. her and I had a little something going last summer but didn't go far. She had told me that she wasn't ready for a BF but we could be 'friends with benefits'. Then she went and got herself a BF...

...apparently that hasn't gone off to well and guess what; she's back with a different perspective. here's the problem; i do like this woman but she completely blew her chance with me. If i act indifferent to her new advances then i would be a jerk like her ex BF, and i would loose a friend. If i do anything else than act indifferent then i'm gonna be sucked into the 'nice guy zone' and turned into a door mat.

...so i tell her that there is no way in hell i'm gonna be her 'just in case guy'. stuff doesn't work out with the guy she chose over me is not my problem and i don't want to hear about it. if she wanted to re-start what we had going last year she has to prove to me that she's interested, i wasn't gonna take her word for it anymore.

I think i royally pissed her off as she hasn't re-contacted me. there goes another friendship down the drain.

guys, sometimes standing up for yourselves is the suck

If that girl is using you as her backup plan, and you decided to date her, guess what would have happened when she met another guy, or a guy she's more interested in? She would have dropped you like a used kleenex and grabbed a new one from the box. So in the end, even though you lost her as a friend, it's probably better off cause she would have only caused you more pain either way. It's her mistake and the only person she should be pissed off at is herslef for not choosing the right guy in the first place. Time to move on.

**Gurm** · 28 August 2006, 08:13

Originally posted by ZokesPro

If that girl is using you as her backup plan, and you decided to date her, guess what would have happened when she met another guy, or a guy she's more interested in? She would have dropped you like a used kleenex and grabbed a new one from the box. So in the end, even though you lost her as a friend, it's probably better off cause she would have only caused you more pain either way. It's her mistake and the only person she should be pissed off at is herslef for not choosing the right guy in the first place. Time to move on.

See, I disagree COMPLETELY. This woman was HONEST. Didn't want a romantic involvement, did want sex. Said so. Now, after dating the WRONG guy, she wants a relationship, and she's being honest about THAT! Sure, it would have been optimal if she had wanted the relationship from the get-go, but I see no deception here. I see no "oh she's going to hurt you". I see someone who's been honest about her intentions from the very beginning, and that's rare enouhg that it ought to be encouraged! You definitely screwed up in pissing her off. I'd call and apologize and take her out, if I were you.

**ZokesPro** · 28 August 2006, 09:21

Originally posted by Gurm

See, I disagree COMPLETELY. This woman was HONEST. Didn't want a romantic involvement, did want sex. Said so. Now, after dating the WRONG guy, she wants a relationship, and she's being honest about THAT! Sure, it would have been optimal if she had wanted the relationship from the get-go, but I see no deception here. I see no "oh she's going to hurt you". I see someone who's been honest about her intentions from the very beginning, and that's rare enouhg that it ought to be encouraged! You definitely screwed up in pissing her off. I'd call and apologize and take her out, if I were you.

Ok, I see what your saying. And yeah she was honest, gotta give her that. But she did miss her chance though, so honesty really doesn't matter in this case. And she did use him as her backup. It's like, hey date other guys and if you don't find one then fall back on me. Yeah, right. Sure makes a guy feel special, doesn't it?

Personally I wouldn't take her back. If she wanted him to begin with she shouldn't have hesitated. Instead she went with another guy and when that went down the shitter she relied on her backup. I would feel like leftovers, like the guy that wasn't good enough but now he is cause he's the only one left. Maybe your fine with that Gurm but I wouldn't be, and apparently neither is LLC.

**ND66** · 28 August 2006, 09:26

Originally posted by Gurm

See, I disagree COMPLETELY. This woman was HONEST. Didn't want a romantic involvement, did want sex. Said so. Now, after dating the WRONG guy, she wants a relationship, and she's being honest about THAT! Sure, it would have been optimal if she had wanted the relationship from the get-go, but I see no deception here. I see no "oh she's going to hurt you". I see someone who's been honest about her intentions from the very beginning, and that's rare enouhg that it ought to be encouraged! You definitely screwed up in pissing her off. I'd call and apologize and take her out, if I were you.

Gurm, and how to you translate what she said here:

was talking to my abuser about how it was a bad week(lets say i'm sparing you a lot of details) and she says: "Be strong, be a man!" to which i reply: "Do you judge a man by his strength or by the strength of his compassion?"

**Gurm** · 28 August 2006, 11:20

Originally posted by ND66

Gurm, and how to you translate what she said here:

Two different women, man. Unless I'm greatly mistaken, "the abuser" and "the friend with benefits" are two different girls.

Edit: He refers to them as "the abuser" and "another abuser".

Announcement

Burning bridges

Burning bridges

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment