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A small zoo in Oklahoma had a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few
weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was
in season.
To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a
redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability
to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have
a solution.
Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition.
Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter
over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their
offer, but only under four conditions:
1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'drun raised as Baptist."
Once again it was agreed.
4. "And last of all", Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me another week to
come up with the $500.00."
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a
glass of champagne
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of
champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm
celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, and I'm also celebrating!", says the
woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man.
As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"For years, my husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my
hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!!!!
Little Georgie watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go
into the woods.
Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate
embrace.
Little Georgie found this so exciting that he could not contain Himself as
he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mummy, I was at the playground
and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.
I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped
her take off her shirt.
Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, Then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Georgie, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.
I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the
dinner table, Mummy asked little Georgie to tell his story. Georgie started
his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods
with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss,
then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped daddy take his
pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy
and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt
weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was
in season.
To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a
redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability
to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have
a solution.
Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition.
Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter
over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their
offer, but only under four conditions:
1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the chil'drun raised as Baptist."
Once again it was agreed.
4. "And last of all", Bobby Lee stated, "You gotta give me another week to
come up with the $500.00."
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a
glass of champagne
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of
champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm
celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, and I'm also celebrating!", says the
woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man.
As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"For years, my husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my
hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!!!!
Little Georgie watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go
into the woods.
Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate
embrace.
Little Georgie found this so exciting that he could not contain Himself as
he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mummy, I was at the playground
and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.
I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped
her take off her shirt.
Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, Then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Georgie, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.
I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the
dinner table, Mummy asked little Georgie to tell his story. Georgie started
his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods
with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss,
then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped daddy take his
pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy
and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt
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