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The 14 year old pregnant thread reminds me also of a case of a daughter of a certain age who is equally thoughtless.
A friend of ours, living over here, is one of 3 daughters and a son. Her father, living in England, in his early 80s, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago. Her mother, mid-70s, undertook to look after him, believing in the literal truth of "in sickness and in health". Last year, he steadily deteriorated and needed almost 24/24 care and she literally wore herself out to a frazzle to a stage of deep depression, but she stubbornly refused outside help. One sister, living nearby, did all she could to help. Our friend, a quite forceful character, went over from here 3 times for a month at a time. The time before last, she found her mother in a terrible state, not eating, and totally unable to give her father all the care he needed. She started things moving and almost forced her mother to accept professional help and a lady now comes in to deal with her father 5 mornings a week, make the lunch and so on. However, she had to come back here before the mother recovered much and she and her sister both phoned the other sister appealing for her to come home for a time, to help their mother recover (she lived 2½ hours away by car and hadn't visited her parents for years, although the parents had gone to them). Yes, she would, perhaps with their children (now adult). I should perhaps say that she is married to a CofE minister who is reported to me as being a "sanctimonious prig".
She didn't. From September to December no one appeared, although said family had time for 2 week's holiday in France in October. Not even phone calls to ask how her mother was getting on. Our friend was getting furiouser and furiouser with her sister, who kept promising to go up, at every phone call, but didn't, pretexting parish duties.
Our friend returned to her parents' home in December and, thankfully, found her mother back to normal - and her father a bit more helpless. She phoned her sister to suggest she come up for Christmas to have the whole family united again. She refused point blank, as this was the church's busy season. For New Year? No, she couldn't. Our friend returned here in late January, incensed at her sister.
A few days ago, her other sister phoned her with some news and I'll repeat the story as it was told to me. One evening, the vicar's wife sister went up the stairs. About 15 minutes later, her brother-in-law went upstairs, to find his wife sprawled on the bed, not breathing. He phoned for an ambulance and was told to apply CPR until it arrived. She was barely alive when she was taken into intensive care. Tests did not show a cause (EKG, CAT-scans etc. OK). She was in the ICU for 2 weeks before being taken off life support, but no positive diagnosis, some minor brain damage, probably anoxic. Full recovery expected but may take 6 months.
Mother's immediate reaction: must go down to her daughter's bedside. Our friend and other sister told her, no way: you have your hands full with father and you can't go flitting about the countryside at your age to look after someone who couldn't get off her backside when you needed her badly and you can't do anything but worry anyway, as she is in hospital. Advice heeded.
The peak came 2 days ago: she received an e-mail (which she showed me) from her brother-in-law, the vicar. It said something like:
God has seen fit to allow Mary to leave intensive care. I don't what I would have done without her. Our Lord must have told me to go up the stairs when I did so that I could save her life.
In our Saviour's name,
James
Notwithstanding, our friend is upset, not because her sister is ill, but she feels guilty at herself for not feeling guilty at not going over to her sister. She says she feels no remorse for not caring for her sister's health and even less because her brother-in-law's helpmate is out-of-service, but she feels she ought to care more.
A friend of ours, living over here, is one of 3 daughters and a son. Her father, living in England, in his early 80s, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago. Her mother, mid-70s, undertook to look after him, believing in the literal truth of "in sickness and in health". Last year, he steadily deteriorated and needed almost 24/24 care and she literally wore herself out to a frazzle to a stage of deep depression, but she stubbornly refused outside help. One sister, living nearby, did all she could to help. Our friend, a quite forceful character, went over from here 3 times for a month at a time. The time before last, she found her mother in a terrible state, not eating, and totally unable to give her father all the care he needed. She started things moving and almost forced her mother to accept professional help and a lady now comes in to deal with her father 5 mornings a week, make the lunch and so on. However, she had to come back here before the mother recovered much and she and her sister both phoned the other sister appealing for her to come home for a time, to help their mother recover (she lived 2½ hours away by car and hadn't visited her parents for years, although the parents had gone to them). Yes, she would, perhaps with their children (now adult). I should perhaps say that she is married to a CofE minister who is reported to me as being a "sanctimonious prig".
She didn't. From September to December no one appeared, although said family had time for 2 week's holiday in France in October. Not even phone calls to ask how her mother was getting on. Our friend was getting furiouser and furiouser with her sister, who kept promising to go up, at every phone call, but didn't, pretexting parish duties.
Our friend returned to her parents' home in December and, thankfully, found her mother back to normal - and her father a bit more helpless. She phoned her sister to suggest she come up for Christmas to have the whole family united again. She refused point blank, as this was the church's busy season. For New Year? No, she couldn't. Our friend returned here in late January, incensed at her sister.
A few days ago, her other sister phoned her with some news and I'll repeat the story as it was told to me. One evening, the vicar's wife sister went up the stairs. About 15 minutes later, her brother-in-law went upstairs, to find his wife sprawled on the bed, not breathing. He phoned for an ambulance and was told to apply CPR until it arrived. She was barely alive when she was taken into intensive care. Tests did not show a cause (EKG, CAT-scans etc. OK). She was in the ICU for 2 weeks before being taken off life support, but no positive diagnosis, some minor brain damage, probably anoxic. Full recovery expected but may take 6 months.
Mother's immediate reaction: must go down to her daughter's bedside. Our friend and other sister told her, no way: you have your hands full with father and you can't go flitting about the countryside at your age to look after someone who couldn't get off her backside when you needed her badly and you can't do anything but worry anyway, as she is in hospital. Advice heeded.
The peak came 2 days ago: she received an e-mail (which she showed me) from her brother-in-law, the vicar. It said something like:
God has seen fit to allow Mary to leave intensive care. I don't what I would have done without her. Our Lord must have told me to go up the stairs when I did so that I could save her life.
In our Saviour's name,
James
Notwithstanding, our friend is upset, not because her sister is ill, but she feels guilty at herself for not feeling guilty at not going over to her sister. She says she feels no remorse for not caring for her sister's health and even less because her brother-in-law's helpmate is out-of-service, but she feels she ought to care more.
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