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I might have posted some of them already, but I just came across an old bad jokes thread at the my.opera forums and I thought I'd post some of the very worst here for your enjoyment 
- A magazine photographer was dispatched to a haunted house to get shots of the apparition residing there.
In the haunted house, when the clock struck 12 midnight, the apparition appeared on the staircase landing.
Amazingly, the apparition posed (like a supermodel) for the photographer! But lighting was very bad at the moment and the camera flash batteries were running low. The photographer snapped away anyway. But the pictures did not come out well because of the low batteries.
When questioned about the bad pictures by his boss, he explained, "The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak."
- A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to leave the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!'"
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves".
- What goes 99 bump 99 bump 99 bump?
A centipede with a wooden leg
- Jim Finn, the noted biologist, was stumped. He'd spent months studying the little green frogs in the Keefo swamp. The population, despite all efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate.
Finally, Finn went to the chemistry department at his college to see if anyone there might be able to help.
Tom Trom looked into the problem and came up with a solution. The little frogs had succumbed to a chemical change in the swamp's water and simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce.
Trom brewed up a new adhesive, made from a dash of this, a zoss of that and, most critically, one part sodium.
"You mean?" Jim said when told.
"Yes," said Tom, "they needed mono-sodium glue to mate."
- Have you ever seen geese migrating south in the winter?
Have you ever noticed that they tend to fly in a V-formation?
Have you ever noticed that one side of the V tends to be longer than the other?
Do you know why that is?
More geese on that side.
- A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.
The audience would be different each week, so the magician
allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the
shows each week and began to understand how the magician did
every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the
middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat." "Look, he is hiding the
flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the
Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was,
after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an
accident and sank. The magician found himself floating on a
piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of
course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not
utter a word. This went on for a day and another and
another. After a week the parrot said:
"OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
- Hans and Stein were playing in their yard in Zurich when one of the boys accidentally swallowed a coin and started choking.
Hans ran inside to get help, "Momma! Papa! Come quick!"
"There's a franc in Stein outside!"
- Q: Why was Michael Jackson pretending to drown?
A: he was hoping someone would throw him a buoy!!
- What do you call a row of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare-line.
- A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal.
While he is waiting for his meal, he orders a donut as an
appetizer.
Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite
out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the
hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress,
"Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see
what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his
dismay, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it
under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you
should see him make donuts."
- A grandfather went to visit his college-aged grandson at the boy's college dorm. Grandpa was astonished to find that his grandson was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the very high-heeled shoe nailed over the doorway to his room.
"In my day," grumbled Gramps, "we would hang a horse shoe over the door for luck and then study late into the night hoping to pass our classes."
"But Grandpa," replied the grandson, "that IS a whore's shoe."
- What's the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus?
Only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
- Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a parkbenchhaving a quietconversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
- A man sits down at a resturant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter "I think I will have the turtle soup". The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup. He yells to the waiter "Hold the turtle, make it pea"
- Two whales were swimming around leisurely in the ocean, when they happened upon a ship stranded on a reef.
The ship had tilted and things weren't looking good for the fishermen who were still on deck.
The whales decide to try to help them but aren't quite sure how...
Whale 1: "How about we swim under the ship and blow air through our airholes thus trying to stop the ship from capsizing?"
Said and done. They dive under and start blowing as much and hard as they can through their airholes.
This only makes things worse and the ship is now completely capsized. Fishermen are scattered all around the water and the whales are franticly trying to think of another way they can help.
Whale 1: "Maybe we can scoop up the fishermen in our mouths and swim to nearest shore?"
Whale 2: "NO WAY! Look... I don't mind giving a blow job, but I won't take any seamen in my mouth!"
- How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A fish
- A : one
Q : How many psychic's does it require to screw a light bulb?
- I keep reading 'The Lord of the Rings' over and over. I guess it's just force of hobbit.