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Ha!
The 1st part is a girl's apology email for cheating.
2nd is his hilarious reply which was forwarded to HIS entire address book
and is now circulating everywhere.
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly
truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the
whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever
want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that
happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much
to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being p1ssed at me, I
absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were
exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a
different person. It is weird, The world looked funny yesterday, I
couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to,
and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you
said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on
many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal
with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can't imagine my days
without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could
say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate
feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends
think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I
can say or do to take back what happened.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
RESPONSE:
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for
"Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to
carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of
whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes
while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate
too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds
for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span,
or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him"
somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if
the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves
around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm
sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider
someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is
that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think
you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about
as much respect as your average child porn collector.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
2nd is his hilarious reply which was forwarded to HIS entire address book
and is now circulating everywhere.
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly
truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the
whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever
want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that
happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much
to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being p1ssed at me, I
absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were
exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a
different person. It is weird, The world looked funny yesterday, I
couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to,
and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you
said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on
many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal
with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can't imagine my days
without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could
say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate
feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends
think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I
can say or do to take back what happened.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
RESPONSE:
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for
"Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to
carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of
whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes
while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate
too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds
for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span,
or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him"
somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if
the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves
around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm
sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider
someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is
that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think
you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about
as much respect as your average child porn collector.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
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