apartment problems...

[VJ]

Just when everything is almost finished (last finishing works will be done Monday and Tuesday), something new pops up...

Our downstairs neighbour is accusing of of poisoning the flowers she has on her balcony. She claims we do it at night.

Of course we don't! But she wrote this very angry letter (downright insulting) and put some flowers in a bag on our door handle. The flowers look fine to me (considering that it was over 35° the last few days and the flowers are in the sun!), but she is asking us money for new flowers. We went to the building administrator and he told us that she already went to police and is trying to get our data. The building administrator told me they already had many problems with her, and that she is a person who just like going to court for things (which is probably why she wants our data).

We never talked to her in the past, and from the tone of her letter we don't want to. So know we are thinking what to do... We are thinking of going to the police, with the letter (in which are enough words to start a case against her for slander), and just telling that she is accusing us of things we did not do, just to prevent her from taking further steps...


Pff....

[UtwigMU]

Just when everything is almost finished (last finishing works will be done Monday and Tuesday), something new pops up...

Our downstairs neighbour is accusing of of poisoning the flowers she has on her balcony. She claims we do it at night.

Of course we don't! But she wrote this very angry letter (downright insulting) and put some flowers in a bag on our door handle. The flowers look fine to me (considering that it was over 35° the last few days and the flowers are in the sun!), but she is asking us money for new flowers. We went to the building administrator and he told us that she already went to police and is trying to get our data. The building administrator told me they already had many problems with her, and that she is a person who just like going to court for things (which is probably why she wants our data).

We never talked to her in the past, and from the tone of her letter we don't want to. So know we are thinking what to do... We are thinking of going to the police, with the letter (in which are enough words to start a case against her for slander), and just telling that she is accusing us of things we did not do, just to prevent her from taking further steps...


Pff....

In every apartment building there is a person with a few cogs missing. Unless you're prepared to live in a house 100m from closest neighbour you will put up with this everywhere. Just gather data, informing administrator was good. Don't go to police because they will probably just shuffle it to court and this means legal expenses, which I think are a waste of money.

She is probably just old, lonely and has too much time on her hands and wants attention.

Couple of months ago some woman told me a story: her kids got in a fight with kids of another woman over some toys. The ladies quarrelled, one pushed the other away. Police arrived, then court, court appointed mediator, both had to get lawyers and settle.

No wonder society is going to sh!t if court needs to get involved in kids toy fight.

[VJ]

We talked to the building administrator, and he said that she is a problem: she does not give up and just goes to court for the most stupid things. They had many issues with her... And he told us she already contacted local police about it and asked him for details regarding who the owner of the flat is (to file an official complaint) - he did not give our data. When we told him she wants money for the flowers, he shook his head and said that it will be a problem. He also told some stories about her that I will not repeat here, but that clearly illustrate that it is a problem.

As we are new to such issues, we also called local police to inquire how to handle the matter. The responsible person for our street (who probably knows our neighbour from past situations) is on holiday. The policeman who answered the phone was very nice, and told us that in such situations they usually just send social services to check on the old lady as it clearly illustrates something is wrong with her. He recommended us to call back when his colleague returns, as she might know the person already.

We just want to be prepared for if/when she decides to go to court. My girlfriend is rather worried that she might do something worse than put flowers in a bag and hang them on the door. She is afraid that the neighbour might damage the door or so, as the letter she wrote was downright insulting and aggressive, but I don't think something like that would happen.

[Dr Mordrid]

It works both ways. When the wife and I were newlyweds we had a 3 bedroom / 2 bath apartment with a huge master bedroom (21x14 feet.) The neighbor above us decided that big room was too large for just a bedroom, so he set up a wood shop in it

Wifey did NOT approve

[VJ]

And another letter: "if you want to through out an umbrella again, don't put it in the garbage shute, but shove it up your ...".
We didn't throw out an umbrella! I have a feeling she will be annoying us with letters, and accusing us of everything that goes wrong...

[Brian Ellis]

Social services should have her put in psychiatric care!

[ZokesPro]

The nerve of some people!

I know exactly how you feel. We had problems with our neighbors even on our moving day! We we're loading the truck and it so happens that it was blocking the parking lot, but we couldn't park the truck anywhere else. Nobody had moved their car all day and yet they threated us and told us that we weren't allowed to park the truck there.

I can go on but reading your post reminds me too much of when I was in a condo, now that I'm in a house, it's different, the neighbours are awesome.

Just when everything is almost finished (last finishing works will be done Monday and Tuesday), something new pops up...

Our downstairs neighbour is accusing of of poisoning the flowers she has on her balcony. She claims we do it at night.

Of course we don't! But she wrote this very angry letter (downright insulting) and put some flowers in a bag on our door handle. The flowers look fine to me (considering that it was over 35° the last few days and the flowers are in the sun!), but she is asking us money for new flowers. We went to the building administrator and he told us that she already went to police and is trying to get our data. The building administrator told me they already had many problems with her, and that she is a person who just like going to court for things (which is probably why she wants our data).

We never talked to her in the past, and from the tone of her letter we don't want to. So know we are thinking what to do... We are thinking of going to the police, with the letter (in which are enough words to start a case against her for slander), and just telling that she is accusing us of things we did not do, just to prevent her from taking further steps...


Pff....

[VJ]

And another bag with flowers with another letter...

The bag was not there when I came home, but it was there an hour later when the doorbell rang and I opened the door for... 2 police officers! The neighbour called police, police came, but she did not open the door (!). So they came to me to ask if there is a problem with the neighbour... My girlfriend is at a party, so I had to manage with my Polish. I tried to explain the situation, and said that I can call my girlfriend to make it easier. They said that there was no need to do it: no need to stress her over this. I explained that we called local police to ask what to do, and they said that is good (they also said better to go there).

[Fat Tone]

I don't know if this will work with someone so unreasonable, but a friend of mine was having problems with very noisy neighbours so she went and befriended them, which went very well. Just before she left she mentioned the problem with the noise and they were horrified, problem solved.

She could be too cuckoo, but maybe a charm offensive will disarm her?

[VJ]

Well, for the police to come at that time, she must have told some serious things (otherwise city guard would come). Police looked genuinely surprised when I opened the door (the probably expected some big, drunk guy). The tone of her letters is so downright insulting that we are afraid of talking to her. We know already that there have been other issues, where she always expects other people to pay (financially) for things in her appartment. Her flowers are not in optimal condition (it is 35 degrees, and they are in the sun all day), so she put it in her head that we have to pay for them. The police officer asked if I tried to talk to her, and I said that she does not communicate with us, expect with these letters (which I showed him), and I said that they are not really inviting to go there for a talk. (He agreed) In her last letter she says that we have to pay for flowers and soil, and that we will have to pay to them via the court.

[UtwigMU]

Well, for the police to come at that time, she must have told some serious things (otherwise city guard would come). Police looked genuinely surprised when I opened the door (the probably expected some big, drunk guy). The tone of her letters is so downright insulting that we are afraid of talking to her. We know already that there have been other issues, where she always expects other people to pay (financially) for things in her appartment. Her flowers are not in optimal condition (it is 35 degrees, and they are in the sun all day), so she put it in her head that we have to pay for them. The police officer asked if I tried to talk to her, and I said that she does not communicate with us, expect with these letters (which I showed him), and I said that they are not really inviting to go there for a talk. (He agreed) In her last letter she says that we have to pay for flowers and soil, and that we will have to pay to them via the court.

You have two ways of dealing with it:
1) (probably too late for this) You could make her think you're a psycho. For example I was repeatedly being called by some marketing company. I firstly talked very rudely to one employee, shocked her into giving me phone number of boss and then called her boss and told her very rudely not to call me anymore. I think it's too late to have her fear of you and pick on someone else so this gives you option 2. Or as someone I knew (peaceful guy, non-violent, very educated, very good job) dealt with it. He walked upstairs and knocked on the door with a meat axe. As the guy opened door, he told him: If you won't stop you will get this between your eyes. Problem solved.

Basically on first try you react disproportionately aggressively so that they fear you and pick on someone else.

2) She wants attention and your energy. So the best thing is to just ignore her. Don't reply to letters, don't talk to her if she confronts you, don't greet her, walk past her as if she is a wall. Don't get upset, don't get emotional. Just pretend she doesn't exist. The police, council, etc... know she's mentally ill and they will eventually grow tired of her as well. Collect evidence of her offences, so that if she goes to court you have enough to prove she is mentally ill.

Forget that she exists and be thorough. Never let her make you react.

[VJ]

We are basically going with option 2. We have not written anything back, and have not done anything. From her last letter, she is clearly frustrated about that. She wrote in it that her letters were without response; but how can your respond to letters full of insults? It would just give her more information/material to make up more stories.
My girlfriend is already much more relaxed since the police visit, especially because they told me not to call her (no need to stress her over it, they got the situation). It will probably take a few letters more before I'm also less stressed about it. Now I still worry when going home if there will be again a bag and a letter...

[VJ]

One week in, and no letters or flowers... But we think she is not home...
Our local police has a broken arm, so she is out for now, but we still plan to go and talk to her later.

[UtwigMU]

Find another girlfriend who is actually in Poland and move to her place

Rent this place out.

[VJ]

Haha... well, the place is now fully renovated to my taste, and my girlfriend has no place (she used to live with her parents).