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Auntie Sharon
A teacher gave her class of 11-year-olds an assignment: to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
Next day the kids returned to school, and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said: 'My father's a farmer, and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car. When we hit a big bump in the road all the eggs were broken.'
'What's the moral of that story?,' asked Teach.
'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'
'Very good,' said Teach.
Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said: 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got 10 live chicks.
'The moral to this story is: Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.'
'That was a fine story Sarah.
'Michael, do you have a story to share with us?'
'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Auntie Sharon, who is a flight engineer in the air force.
'During the Gulf War, her aircraft took a hit, and she had to bail out over enemy territory. All she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.
'On the way down, she drank the whiskey in case the bottle broke, and then she landed right in the midst of 100 enemy troops.
'She killed 70 of them with the machine gun before she ran out of bullets.
'Then she killed 20 more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands.'
'Good heavens,' cried the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy draw from that terrifying story?'
'Stay away from Auntie Sharon when she's pissed.'
Next day the kids returned to school, and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said: 'My father's a farmer, and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car. When we hit a big bump in the road all the eggs were broken.'
'What's the moral of that story?,' asked Teach.
'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'
'Very good,' said Teach.
Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said: 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got 10 live chicks.
'The moral to this story is: Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.'
'That was a fine story Sarah.
'Michael, do you have a story to share with us?'
'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Auntie Sharon, who is a flight engineer in the air force.
'During the Gulf War, her aircraft took a hit, and she had to bail out over enemy territory. All she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.
'On the way down, she drank the whiskey in case the bottle broke, and then she landed right in the midst of 100 enemy troops.
'She killed 70 of them with the machine gun before she ran out of bullets.
'Then she killed 20 more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands.'
'Good heavens,' cried the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy draw from that terrifying story?'
'Stay away from Auntie Sharon when she's pissed.'