Murphy

[Brian Ellis]

Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the day
had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.
She had a little boy.

The doctor looked over at Murphy and said. "Hey, Murph! You just had you a son!*
'Ain't dat grand !!'*
Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said,
'Hold on! We ain't finished yet!'
The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter!!
She is a pretty lil ting,too....'

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we aint got
done yet' and he then delivered another boy and said,'Murph, you just had yourself
another boy!'

Murphy said to the doctor,* 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'

The doctor said,'You never know Murph, it was probably something that
happened during conception.'

Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'
When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down
with his wife and said,'Mama, you remember dat night that we ranout of Vaseline
and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.?'

She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night.'

Murph said, 'I'll tell you, .....it's a freaking' good ting we didn't use WD-40.'

[Brian Ellis]

THE VICAR'S FALSE TEETH

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first
Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following
Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and
They asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

[Marshmallowman]

needed that...

[Jammrock]

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it.

The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."

"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says, "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."

"Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."