Fun Thread Time!

[Kruzin]

Well, time to loosen up and get ready for the weekend

How a 'Real' Man Bathes a Cat

1. Scrub toilet and flush several times.

2. Fill toilet with warm water and add a squirt of pet shampoo.

3. Drop cat in toilet and slam lid shut.

4. Sit on lid - cat's efforts to free itself will generate a good deal of sudsing and washing motions.

Drink beer while waiting.

5. Flush toilet a couple of times to rinse cat.

6. Leap off toilet seat, dash out door and slam it securely shut because kitty will erupt from the bowl as if a jet engine is lodged up its ass.

7. Leave kitty to sulk and dry itself.

Drink beer while waiting.


And did you hear MS is coming out with a new Win2K keyboard?

[paulcs]

I believe we can skip step one. And possibly two.

Paul
paulcs@flashcom.net

[Kruzin]

yea...if ya skip step one, step four will take care of that

[Electrosaurus]

I'm sure step 2 should involve a squirt of lighter fluid... and a naked flame.
Mind you, I would also opt for the "dishwasher" option, at least theres a lock on the door... and boiling water.
Plus the dishwasher is closer to the fridge.

Rgds,
Electrosaurus

P.S. Must get me one of those keyboards for my parents.

[Qeteb]

Kruzin, i want 1 of those keyboards!!!

make it a lot easier than having to go and press them in a extended fashion.

HAHAHAHA

(just had to have a nother laugh)

[Frank]

I'm sure step 2 should involve a squirt of lighter fluid... and a naked flame

Kinda reminds me of the time when I managed to make a cat go "woof" hehe

[Fat Tone]

Nice one(s) Kruzin!


Two priests died at the same time and met St. Peter at the Pearly
Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our
computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a
week, but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle,
soaring above the Rocky mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will
any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep
track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be
a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St.
Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble
locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere
over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one
could prove to be more difficult. He's on a snow tire, somewhere
in Minnesota."

[DuRaNgO]

ooops! I think there needs to be a minimum size limit on that cat trick
jim

[merchant2112]

this is a true story. its funny but not in a good way (just proves how stupid some people are. cat joke made me think of this.

i have a buddy who i havent seen in a few years. his parents had some friends who owned a show quality registered chowaha (i got no idea how its spelled but you know one of those cat sized mexican dogs)any way they went on vacation and left the dog with a friend. she was paid to care for the dog and have is bathed and groumed for the day they returned becuase thire was a show they wanted to enter planed for the afternoon they returned. now this friend they left the dog with althoue a nice person was 1 cheap and 2 not to bright. she opted to save a little money and make some extra cash by washing and grouming the dog herself. not a bad plan but she was short on time and needed to have the dog readdy quickly so she atempted to dry the dog in a microwave oven (OPPS) shall we say the owners wern't happy. and nither was the dog (yes it exploded)

[This message has been edited by merchant2112 (edited 05 November 1999).]

[Le Bodge]

Chihuahua



[This message has been edited by Le Bodge (edited 05 November 1999).]

[KvHagedorn]

All right, what started out relatively harmless has gone too far. Frank & Electrosaurus, if you get off on torturing small, inoffensive animals 1/10 your size, you are a couple of spineless cowards, and If you were here, I'd say it so far in your faces I'd be down your throats.

Chill on the sadism. NOW

[merchant2112]

KvHagedorn, i agree with you. i own 3 cats, and 1 dog. i may wish to harm one from time to time, but would never do so reguardless of the reason. (cats seem to like sleeping on things they shouldn't like keyboards and warm tv converter boxes) of corse the latter usally kills the tv box and those new digital boxes cost to much so (they got a built in cable modem althoue we don't have the service calbe modem service yet, comcast is still ramping up for that. maybe beta testing, been thinking hook that thing up to my pc and try a ip spoffer see if they have any thing hooked up yet.

[Jorden]

Just for KvH then... a simple thread I don't know the meaning off
http://members.tripod.com/~ter63/SPICE9.HTML

Jorden.

[Lukey]

Hehe, love these damn fun threads, then you get a nutcase like KvHage come in and start acting all serious, one thinks you should be chilling old boy....

Anyways, if you love cats that much, check this website...
WWW.CAT-SCAN.COM

Marvellous...

And seeing as this thread is dedicated to man's domestic pets...here's some more in that vein...

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never
laugh at how you throw.) [Hey ladies, we men just laugh lovingly at how adorable you look when you throw... as long as it's not a shoe.]
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:
10. A dog's parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
1. A dog does not shop.

LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG:
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.


Just my two cents...

Later all...

[KvHagedorn]

Well, I may be a nutcase, but I think the fun spirit of this thread was compromised by the two I mentioned before I showed up. People really do some of these things (pour gas or whatever on cats and light it) so it's really not something we should be joking about. Why not put a joke in here about Nazi gas chambers and see if it offends anyone?

Anyhow, enough of that. Since I'm getting no respect here =P, these might be appropriate

RODNEY DANGERFIELD'S BEST ONE-LINERS

A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all.

And we were poor, too. Why if I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play with.

During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy,"Hey, buddy. Why are you doin that?"
He said, "Because you came home early."

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father .... "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... But he pulled through."

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him .... "Do you think we'll ever find them?"
He said ... "I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. Next Tuesday is when I jump.

I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?"
He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face...turned me over and said. "Look ... twins!"

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.



btw, liked the Cat Scan site

------------------
Kind Regards,

KvH




[This message has been edited by KvHagedorn (edited 06 November 1999).]