er...help?

[dZeus]

Wow Jorden, those stoel-samples are HUGE

[Paddy]

hmmmm.....

I dont think they will go down with well with the examiner....but they made me laugh!


Cheers everyone for trying....I think i will have to resort to a textbook and a scanner.

(my scanner is not compatible with Win2K )

[ALBPM]

We can only guess what Jorden has been eating lately from his stool samples....LOL

Fabric (lots of fiber)
Leather(Hmmmm???)
Metal (iron deficiency??)

Paul

[Jorden]

Lot's more stools at Danny Vegh's, the first off of the wish list in Altavista

Btw, I am home now and asked the girlfriend what they could be, and she answered me, as none of the would-be-doc's here did


Jord.


[This message has been edited by Jorden (edited 09 January 2001).]

[ayoub_ibrahim]

I wouldn't want to be the one trying to flush those stools down the pan!!!

[dZeus]

Flushing stools down a pan???? I don't understand!!! NO, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE EATING THEM!!!

(hmm... the pan = the toilet?)

[This message has been edited by dZeus (edited 09 January 2001).]

[Greebe]

Pauly them Stools are made out of black licorice!

[paulcs]

They're going to hurt coming out! The "diagonal" stools look particularly onerous.

Let's assume Dr. Burkitt is correct, and there is a correlation between dietary fiber and colon cancer.

During my 3 AM quest for pictures of "large, soft" Ugandan bowel movements, I came across an article that claimed that the incidence of colon cancer is very low in Finland (while the incidence of coronary disease is quite high--too much dairy). Apparently, a particular rye bread, high in fiber and a staple food, is responsible. Maybe Patrick can use a picture of incredibly "large, soft"
bowel movement from Finland.

Guru?

Paul
paulcs@flashcom.net

[ALBPM]

You guys are getting too serious in this thread. Time for some more humor to help Paddy relax a bit.

1999 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE:
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment.

This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal,
pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
(Used in conjunction with escapee):
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH:
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location.
This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME:
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN):
This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN:
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR:
A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

CAMO-COUGH:
A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE:
This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON:
A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET:
A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED:
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY:
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

[paulcs]

After seven years of an intensive yoga regimen and a steady diet of Disney films, my bowel movements now look like this:



Paul
paulcs@flashcom.net

[This message has been edited by paulcs (edited 10 January 2001).]

[Paddy]

Cheers P & P no.2

Made me smile! Which is pretty good for 7am

any picture showing the effects of fibre overload on poo will do.

hey, thats almost poetic!


--

Finnish poo did you say?


[This message has been edited by Paddy [MU] (edited 10 January 2001).]

[SteveC]

Yeah, I finished mine. (I don't have access to the MURC in my loo....yet)

------------------
Cheers,
Steve

"Life is what we make of it, yet most of us just fake"

[Paddy]

you've got a web cam though, haven't you Steve?

[Paddy]

I've just got back from my lecturer. He has lost the only slide he had...

I suppose its webcam time...where's that All Bran...

[ayoub_ibrahim]

Paddy, didn't someone mention that you could use Guru for your excremental needs!!!