Lawyers....

[Technoid]

* Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
* Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
* Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
* Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

* Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
* Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

[ZokesPro]

Hehe, good one!

Update: Second one is confusing but still funny!

[Technoid]

* Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
* Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."

[az]

See sig - not a lawyer, but funny

AZ

[Dilitante1]

Re: Lawyers

should be shot!

[thop]

Re: Re: Lawyers

Originally posted by Dilitante1
should be shot!

exactly! kill them all.

[[Ch]amsalot]

As an attorney, I find it my civic duty to advise you all of something...

I make a pretty damn good living; it's fun suing people who deserve to have their ass dragged into Court; and it's a good way to feed my hardware addiction; lawyers can help keep companies in line and prevent them from screwing consumers.

YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT!

-[Ch]ams

[Wombat]

it's fun suing people who deserve to have their ass dragged into Court

The problem is that too many of your brethren drag people into court that don't deserve it, and can't afford it.

lawyers can help keep companies in line and prevent them from screwing consumers.

They can also be wielded by companies to beat customers into submission.

Good lawyers? Sure, they exist. But the net effect of the trade doesn't seem to be positive.

[RichL]

Originally posted by [Ch]amsalot
it's fun suing people who deserve to have their ass dragged into Court;

And how do you decide who Deserves to be sued? By whoever pays you the most money to do it, no doubt.

lawyers can help keep companies in line and prevent them from screwing consumers.

Spare us the good samaritan routine please. Some of us have just eaten.

YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT!
-[Ch]ams

Or had it done to you, or know someone personally who's had it done to them, or anyone who's ever read of one of the farcical cases of utter stupidity and lack of common sense that a lawyer has sought to make money out of.

[Sasq]

Wooo slow down, wife is a para legal (read junior lawyer) works in family law, divorce cases and stuff.
Yes she gets clients that she doesn't want to help, then she also gets clients that truely need the help.

So yes you can see and tell when people need to be dragged into court. (IE the 40 year old man who has run off with a 20 girl, and refuses to pay child support for his 3 kids etc)

*Please note I also realise the reverse is true and husbands/wives have been dragged in for revenge/petty reasons as well. I'm not wanting to start a flame thread but please do remember there are some honest lawyers out there.

Dan

[Lizzard[MPE]]

i like lawyers

hi dan

[Fat Tone]

It's the ambulance chasers that I hate. If you watch any daytime TV here in the uk, you are either offered 'consolidation' loans that mean you will be in debt for twice as long ("and have enough left over for a new car") or are being propositioned to sue someone because you tripped and sprained an ankle 3 years ago.

Ban them all dammit!!!

[Paddy]

*edit because i didn't read the above post properly (PUI) Doh!*

ermm... here! here!

[Joel]

I'm not wanting to start a flame thread but please do remember there are some honest lawyers out there.

Yeah they are usually the ones fresh out of school and just starting out. They haven't realized yet how profitable it is to sue McDonalds for someone else's stupidity or to get a celebrity off of a double murder conviction. Either way they are few and far between.

Just remember that a majority of politicians are also lawyers. And look at how they usually screw things up.

Joel

[Wombat]

We already covered the McDonald's thing Joel. Now you just make yourself look silly by bringing it up.