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Man's Best Friend
First Lady Laura Bush says she's decorating the White House Christmas Tree this year with images of the many pets who lived in the White House over the years. Some of the ornaments in the works will represent FDR's dog, John Quincy Adams' pet alligator, and from Bill Clinton's era - the Washington Press Corps.
Polar Opposites
Senator Tom Daschle lit up the talk radio circuit this week when he blamed it for "shrill" rhetoric that makes people threaten the lives of politicians. Daschle went on to point out that people who watch conventional outlets like the network news never want to kill anybody but themselves.
The Old Bait And Switch
The INS was unable to locate about 1,800 immigrants it had hoped to interview after September 11th. Officials are confident they'll all be located soon though, citing their sophisticated new tracking system - one agent puts a government check on the sidewalk, the other one hides in some nearby bushes with a net.
A Day At The Beach
Environmentalists are outraged by a new White House plan to allow gas drilling near the nesting grounds of endangered sea turtles near South Padre Island, Texas. In other news, the bush administration announced this week that to save oil and fight global warming, it's working on a new car engine that runs entirely on turtles.
Institutional Bias
Some former Americorps members are upset with a proposed new pledge for incoming recruits because it includes the term "so help me God" and because it refers to upholding the Constitution. White House officials say they're willing to compromise on the new pledge, but at the very least, they insist that the term "screw the Republicans" has to be removed from the current pledge once and for all.
The Wrong Idea
The Bush administration is asking allies in other countries to contribute more materials to help the war on terrorism. Some of the countries still haven't gotten the message though. For example, all the Germans have pledged to send so far is fifty new terrorists.
The Abominable Snowman
Linda Tripp is helping to open a new year-round Christmas store in Middleburg, Virginia. Owners of the store are said to be re-thinking the deal though, explaining that they had been looking for someone that reminds people of SANTA - not Satan.
Fringe Benefits
FCC officials are looking into a number of complaints that they received about this week's televised Victoria's Secret fashion show. Commissioners report that they plan to issue new TV decency standards, but only after "months and months of carefully reviewing the evidence in question."
The Classics
Al Gore and his wife Tipper have been on a national tour promoting their new book about the American family. When asked why he wanted to spend weeks on the road plugging his new book, Gore replied that "it sure as hell beats having to stay home plugging Tipper..."
The Meek, The Overtaxed, The Canadians
The Prime Minister of Canada, Jean Chretien, made news this week for allegedly calling President Bush a "moron." Chretien later apologized for the slip, explaining that without its sense of intellectual self-righteousness, Canada would soon wither and cease to exist as a nation
Dr. Mordrid
Man's Best Friend
First Lady Laura Bush says she's decorating the White House Christmas Tree this year with images of the many pets who lived in the White House over the years. Some of the ornaments in the works will represent FDR's dog, John Quincy Adams' pet alligator, and from Bill Clinton's era - the Washington Press Corps.
Polar Opposites
Senator Tom Daschle lit up the talk radio circuit this week when he blamed it for "shrill" rhetoric that makes people threaten the lives of politicians. Daschle went on to point out that people who watch conventional outlets like the network news never want to kill anybody but themselves.
The Old Bait And Switch
The INS was unable to locate about 1,800 immigrants it had hoped to interview after September 11th. Officials are confident they'll all be located soon though, citing their sophisticated new tracking system - one agent puts a government check on the sidewalk, the other one hides in some nearby bushes with a net.
A Day At The Beach
Environmentalists are outraged by a new White House plan to allow gas drilling near the nesting grounds of endangered sea turtles near South Padre Island, Texas. In other news, the bush administration announced this week that to save oil and fight global warming, it's working on a new car engine that runs entirely on turtles.
Institutional Bias
Some former Americorps members are upset with a proposed new pledge for incoming recruits because it includes the term "so help me God" and because it refers to upholding the Constitution. White House officials say they're willing to compromise on the new pledge, but at the very least, they insist that the term "screw the Republicans" has to be removed from the current pledge once and for all.
The Wrong Idea
The Bush administration is asking allies in other countries to contribute more materials to help the war on terrorism. Some of the countries still haven't gotten the message though. For example, all the Germans have pledged to send so far is fifty new terrorists.
The Abominable Snowman
Linda Tripp is helping to open a new year-round Christmas store in Middleburg, Virginia. Owners of the store are said to be re-thinking the deal though, explaining that they had been looking for someone that reminds people of SANTA - not Satan.
Fringe Benefits
FCC officials are looking into a number of complaints that they received about this week's televised Victoria's Secret fashion show. Commissioners report that they plan to issue new TV decency standards, but only after "months and months of carefully reviewing the evidence in question."
The Classics
Al Gore and his wife Tipper have been on a national tour promoting their new book about the American family. When asked why he wanted to spend weeks on the road plugging his new book, Gore replied that "it sure as hell beats having to stay home plugging Tipper..."
The Meek, The Overtaxed, The Canadians
The Prime Minister of Canada, Jean Chretien, made news this week for allegedly calling President Bush a "moron." Chretien later apologized for the slip, explaining that without its sense of intellectual self-righteousness, Canada would soon wither and cease to exist as a nation
Dr. Mordrid
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