Dumb users

[BuddMan]

Originally posted by The PIT
Since they're so dumb that they can't remember the startup screen that they spent the last year looking at what chance have you got them finding run and typing winver.
By the way winver can tell you the wrong version. I'v ehad win98 thinking it was 95.
You can also right click on My Computer and choose properties and get the version.

Well, winver works for me. But yeah, I don't see how they couldn't know after seeing it boot up so many times. The biggest thing that sucks if you work for an ISP, is after X-mas, a lot of people get new computers, and they call us to setup their connection. I've ran ICW so many times that it's drove me nuts.

[Guru]

Originally posted by The PIT
Since they're so dumb that they can't remember the startup screen that they spent the last year looking at what chance have you got them finding run and typing winver.
By the way winver can tell you the wrong version. I'v ehad win98 thinking it was 95.
You can also right click on My Computer and choose properties and get the version.

Have the same fvcking problem over here! At least you don't have to figure out what language they are using! (Finnish Sweadish English etc.!)

[The PIT]

Originally posted by Guru
Have the same fvcking problem over here! At least you don't have to figure out what language they are using! (Finnish Sweadish English etc.!)

Well we have a lot off overseas students here some of whom entire english vocab consists off I dun understand.
Conversation goes like this.

Helpdesk: Hello can I have your username.
User: Dun Understand.
Helpdesk: Whats your name then.
User: Dun understand. upter dun ork.
Helpdesk: (Giving up on username or name) Whats the problem what error message are you getting.
User: Dun understand.
Helpdesk:Where are you?
User: Dun understand.

And so on.

Then you get an user normally chinese windoze with a nice error message in chinese. They can't translate it and you haven't a clue what it is.

Or the user thats has just installed the modem connection to our University dial in and then just sit there looking at the screen for half n hour.

user: Wheres the programs??
Helpdesk: Err what programs are you refering too.
user: I've just logged onto your network and theres no programs.
After bit more disscusion you find out they've dialed in and expecting the University programs to suddenly install themselfs onto their hard drive.

[Marshmallowman]

you should appreciate this one

http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030128&mode=classic

and its not always the users that is thick, I have had contact with a few ISP tech support people who are 1 can short of the six pack.

No carrier means the line or modem is bad, so don't ask me to go throught the Fecking IP settings!!!

[Umfriend]

Dumb users he? How about the IT masters?

OK. At work we have computers which are locked in a closet, no way to get to any button or power cord. We run NT4 and have a very professional IT-counter. When in the smoking corner, you can hear them babling about them dumbfick users. It is Wednesday, 18.45, and I get a BSOD......

IT: Goodmorning (...), this is frank speaking, how may I help you?
Me: Goodafternoon (2 c if he gets it), I just had a BSOD.
IT: A what?
Me: A BSOD.
IT: What's that?
Me: It is a "Blue Screen..."
IT: Monitor problem?
Me: No, it is a "Blue Screen Of Death". My Computer crashed. It does not....
IT: Oh, yeah sure, I know what they are. Simply reboot your machine.
Me: As I was trying to say, it does not react to anything. CTRL+ALT+DEL does not work. Someone must open the closet and reset it.
IT: Your can reset it yourself. Simply press CTRL+ALT+DEL and it will reboot.
Me: I have done that. It does not reboot. It does not do anything. Please send someone over to open the closet and pull the power cord out and in.
IT: OK, I will ask, but I don't think we do that.....

Granted, the counter are the lesser smart people. They simply record complaints and pass them on to the specialists. Meanwhile, I can't work. I need to finish a presentation for a prospective client so that we get a project to make money off from.

19.15, IT-specialist arrives....
IT: Are you ..... and did you call the IT-counter (with a tone that implies us users should never do such a thing (what have I been thinking).
Me: Yes, I am and I did (thinking about adding "sorry")
IT: What's the problem? (the BSOD is CLEARLY visible)
Me: I have a BSOD
IT: OK. (bends over to press CTRL+ALT+DEL). Hmmm, doesn't seem to work (presses again)
Me: No it doesn't. That's why I have called you guys. You need to open the closet and pull the AC cord.
IT: (enlightend expression on his face) Ah Yes!, I'll get the key...

IT specialist gets key, opens closet, pulls and inserts cord, closes closet and looks oh sooooo satisfied with himself.
IT: Well, that's done then!
Me: Till what time are you guys around?
IT: (looks at his watch) Until 20:30
Me: Listen, I'll be here for a while longer. If I get a BSOD again, you won't be here. Could you leave the key with me for the evening.
IT: Naah, no can do that.
Me: But what if it happens again. I need to finish this.
IT: Oh, you can simply log on to on of your colleagues' computers
Me: No I won't be able to do that. With a BSOD, the server will still regard me as being logged on because I have not logged off. It will not allow me to logon to a second machine at the same time.
IT: Yes it will.
Me: No, it won't. I've had this before (true, couple of months back).
IT: It should work.
Me: OK, give me your mobile phone number, if I get a BSOD and can't log on, I'll call you and you'll get here to pull the cord.
IT: Doesn't work that way. Besides, you should be able to logon on another computer.
Me: OK. If I get a BSOD, and I can not logon on another machine, I'll have a memo on your boss's desk. It will be unpleasent. Alternatively, you can simply give me the key for the evening. Wanna take a gamble? (I thought to myself: "If he says that I can't write a memo in that case because I don't have a computer then, I'll smack him).
IT: Listen, you can open the lock with a pair of scissors just a seasily.
Me: What? Listen bud, I do not wan't to risk destroying the lock with scissors. Why can't you give me the key?
IT: Cause with the key you can open all the closets.
Me: Oh, uh, what? You mean the key opens all, but the scissors only open mine??
IT: OK, can't do anything about this. It works now. We do not support after 20.30. That's the way it is. BSOD happens sometimes, once every few months. Not likely to happen again tonight. Goodbye

20:00 BSOD again. Calling IT-helpdesk. Same guy.
Me: Yes, got the BSOD again. I think it is a hardware problem. Send someone over fast to pull the cord
IT: Yeah, weird you got it again. Did you reboot?
Me: Yes I did. I can't do anything now and I need to finish this project
IT: No, I don't mean logiing off and on. I mean an actual shutdown and restart. You are aware that we advise to do that at least every two weeks are you?
Me: Listen, I shutdown every day. The AC cord just got pulled and inserted back again. How clean a boot do you need? Send someone over and tell him to leave the key with me.
IT: He can't do that. You can use a pair of scissors though.......

20:20 IT specialist comes by
IT: Well you're lucky!
Me: How so?
IT: If it'd happend 15 minutes later I'd be gone....
Me: I think it is a hardware problem
IT: Could be, let me have a look

IT opens closet, pulls cord, inserts cord and logs on with his administrator ID. Opens a kewl nifty HP program (forgot the name) that is supposed to monitor and keep track of hardware issues.
IT: Nope, no problem recorded.
Me: Let me ask you a question. If the computer BSODs because of a hardware problem, how is that program going to record that? It can't do that after a BSOD, and it won't have known before the BSOD occurs, right?
IT: I don;t know how they do it, but it works.
Me: Have you ever, _ever_ seen that program report any, _any_ hardware problem on any, _any_ of the 500 machines here?
IT: Ah, erm, no. But we don't use it often.
Me: OK, thanks (giving up and hoping for the best)

IT guy walks away without logging off. I've got this computer now logged on as the administrator, and feel very, VERY tempted. But I don't have the time to fool around, log it off and log on again.

No BSOD's that evening, finished project and won the clients mandate. He did have quite a laugh when I told this story.

Thursday I had 3 BSOD's. I kept on arguing that the machine could very well be broke somehow. They decided to "rebuild" it (format C: and reinstalling everything). Next Tuesday another 2 BSOD's. Then I did get me a new machine (still a 2x800mhz PIII Xeon, slow as it is).

These are the same kinda guys that tried to advise me on other things like:
1. My computer is too slow. I build these models in Excel which are quite large (not the actual sheets, but the calculations that are performed). So, I ask for a faster CPU. IT comes over. Suggestions vary between:
A) We could add some more memory. HELLO: Look at the task manager! Nothing is ever swapped. 256MB is never used fully. It's the CPU that is at 100% all of the time.
B) We might add another CPU. HELLO: It's EXCEL! It doesn't use 2 CPU's EVER. I am better off with one CPU at 800 mhz than 2 at any lower clock! Besides, I have 2 CPUs already.
C) Close your other applications. HELLO: Ain;t got any other open!
D) We'll give u a P4 at 2.8GHZ...Now that would actually work, but they never suggest that....

2. I have this weird problem sometimes in all office applications. When I go to "file"-"open", a window should open to select the file to open. Sometimes, the focus is shifted to that window, but it is not actually displayed. Word won't work anymore, because all input is directed to the pop-up window( don't know how to descrivbe it better, but he, I'm no IT guy). If I alt+tab to another application and back, it becomes worse. Word won't accept input becuase the window is open, but I can't get focus to that window in any way anymore. Sometimes, after a few minutes, all of a sudden the window does appear.
a) We will rebuild your computer. HELLO: you did that already, didn;t work
b) Re-install office. HELLO: see A
c) How about going to M$ with this. Now that might be sensible, but they won't...

Umf

[Brian R.]

http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com/index.htm

[thop]

It's not always the callers fault. Sometime the so called "tech support" isn't exactly smart either.
One time i called my ISP because i had a question about the DSL username/password.

SUP: What OS are you using?
ME: Linux
SUP: Mmmh okay. I'll go through this with you step-by-step ... first click on "My Computer" on your desktop. ( )

[The PIT]

We've got an easy angle on Linux.
We don't support it.

Somehow linux users are always deaf to this and carry talking anyway.